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Old 08-28-2013, 06:39 PM
 
159 posts, read 407,818 times
Reputation: 325

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Quote:
Originally Posted by eeberlien View Post
Awesome dude, just an outstanding come back :-) I'm a white dude living in Salt Lake City Utah. I may have to move to Portland for work. Didn't want to know racisim like the other guys post still existed, (or perhaps I didn't want to know). Your post pleased me greatly :-) I can't stand people that hate for stupid reasons like race. The other guy to whom you responded to needs to wake up.

Thank you, eeberlien, most of the posters on this board have been very helpful and accommodating and I can't thank them enough. Unfortunately, there are posters like that individual who hide behind their laptop and make insensitive statements as a result of their deep-seated self-esteem issues. The people of Portland have been great so far. I haven't felt like I've been treated differently as a result of my race. I have only been here a few months so I'm hoping the good vibes continue knock on wood.

 
Old 08-28-2013, 11:32 PM
 
Location: Tucson, AZ
1,588 posts, read 2,515,059 times
Reputation: 4188
A German friend of mine was an au pair in Dallas. She felt people were overbearing and asked too many questions. She felt uneasy around them. One of the neighbors in Plano was talking about menstrual issues and plastic surgery and this was 5 minutes after they had met. Anna did not understand this as a German, Germans would never talk about that kind of stuff. She would always ask me questions like: "Why do people feel they have to tell you too much information all the time here? The man of the couple she was a nanny for asked her if she had been to Dachau then carried on about nazi atrocities. What kind of question is that and why would you talk to a German about that? That subject is not the common ground to build rapport with a German. She said the other neighbor man would talk to her about uncomfortable things, sexual things. She also claims that he tried to set up some emergency situation in the house she was in so he would look like a hero. She had the neighbor behind her looking over the fence like a peeping tom if she was sun bathing talking to her about stuff she had no clue about and the guy just wouldn't leave her alone. She had house wives talking behind her back in earshot, almost like they wanted her to hear what they though of her. The kids were out of control little brats, the parents had a drinking problem and fought all the time. Horrible situation.

She couldn't wait to get out of those "friendly" places.

Previously, she was an au pair / exchange student in Portland and much preferred Portland.

I feel the same way. I am friendly with my neighbors in Clackamas County but I would never invite them over for dinner. We exchange pleasantries about weather, vehicles, weekend plans , but I really don't know anything about their personal lives, nor should I. It's none of my business. They feel the same.

When I lived in Texas I felt the same way as Anna even though I am an American. TMI all the time! Tons of nosy questioning, that I just wanted to say it's none of your business what I'm doing.

"I have no plans for my back yard." "No, I'm not fixing that sprinkler head." "Yes, I know the gutters need cleaning." "Yes, there were some Meskin people at my house earlier, I work with them." "No, I'm not building a fence" "No, I'm not going to rake the that leaves fall from my tree on to your property." I felt every time I came home, my neighbors would want to engage in long, boring, meaningless conversations about nothing that would inevitable lead up to a question about my property, my choice of friends, or my personal life. It got so old and tiring. Another thing, If someone in a "friendly" state (AL, GA and TX are my experiences) gave you something they would always use it as leverage for some sort of asinine request in the future. "We were wondering if you'd baby sit our kids, remember, I let you borrow my angle grinder..neighbor."

I could not wait to get out of Montgomery, Valdosta, or Abilene.

Arizona was even less friendly than Oregon. Everyone had bars on their windows and doors and always entered through their garage, they would run out and get the mail, avoiding eye contact then scurry back into their garage. I talked to my neighbors a handful of times in the 4-5 years I lived in AZ.

My advice to you, join a club that does things you are interested in. It's hard to say it, because ill get flamed for believing in Christ, but you'd forge more meaningful relationships going to church. I know lots of people who were loners that turned their lives around and wondered why they were so adamant about being atheist, it did nothing for them except isolate them. Many of my friends as they get older are turning back to church and God, why? Not really for God, (old habits die hard) but to raise their children in a clean environment, free from swearing and blatant immorality with nice people with similar life goals.

Good luck, people here aren't un-friendly. they just have their BS fake friend radar on. It usually takes some sort of above and beyond act that shows them that your really trust worthy. Meetups at bars aren't going to find meaningful relationships of anykind. I learned that in my early 20's.
 
Old 08-28-2013, 11:49 PM
 
Location: Portland, OR
1,012 posts, read 1,537,175 times
Reputation: 523
Andy, with all due respect, I don't equate excessive drinking and inopportune discussions about menstruation with friendliness.
 
Old 08-29-2013, 07:38 AM
 
9,470 posts, read 6,934,871 times
Reputation: 2177
I'll throw in my vote with "modern life". We're all soooo busy that we no longer take the time to just BE with friends. You know, that camping trip where your biggest project was setting up camp and feeding the fire. That Thanksgiving day when three whole families gathered together and just spent the day enjoying life.

Another, is urban living. We are crammed in next to each other, and then we put up barriers, both physical and mental, to having our tiny spaces invaded. We fence our yards, drape our windows, and insulate our homes to keep out the noise.

Then we get married and have children, and work of some kind fills almost all our waking hours, leaving precious little, and we find no time for those things in the first paragraph. Being single is even harder. There are few social events where people REALLY meet each other. And the rest of the social scene is looking for romance (or sex) or both.

Our lifestyles and culture and the endless need for money (mostly driven by the increases in cost by our governments) steals our time and ability to have enduring friendships.
 
Old 08-29-2013, 08:53 AM
 
Location: the Beaver State
6,464 posts, read 13,381,783 times
Reputation: 3581
Quote:
Originally Posted by pnwmdk View Post
I'll throw in my vote with "modern life". We're all soooo busy that we no longer take the time to just BE with friends.
This is what I've been saying for years. It's rare I'm not working a 50 hour week, or traveling over weekends. My evenings are full of little projects around the house, hanging curtains for the wife or fixing that leaky faucet. Then I'm also going to school, so subtract another ten hours a week. Trying to get my own business off the ground - ten more hours a week. If I want to get in a little light recreational reading, another 3-4 hours. Upkeep on the garden, about 5 hours a week and even then I'm still way behind.

I don't really have time to talk to my neighbors and become friends with them. Especially since I have little to nothing in common with them.
 
Old 08-29-2013, 09:20 AM
 
Location: SNA=>PDX 2013
2,793 posts, read 4,047,566 times
Reputation: 3300
Quote:
Originally Posted by pnwmdk View Post
I'll throw in my vote with "modern life". We're all soooo busy that we no longer take the time to just BE with friends. You know, that camping trip where your biggest project was setting up camp and feeding the fire. That Thanksgiving day when three whole families gathered together and just spent the day enjoying life.

Another, is urban living. We are crammed in next to each other, and then we put up barriers, both physical and mental, to having our tiny spaces invaded. We fence our yards, drape our windows, and insulate our homes to keep out the noise.

Then we get married and have children, and work of some kind fills almost all our waking hours, leaving precious little, and we find no time for those things in the first paragraph. Being single is even harder. There are few social events where people REALLY meet each other. And the rest of the social scene is looking for romance (or sex) or both.

Our lifestyles and culture and the endless need for money (mostly driven by the increases in cost by our governments) steals our time and ability to have enduring friendships.
Yikes. I escaped the rat race of CA (one reason) to come up here to a slower way of life, more land to buy for a cheaper price, and be able to do things. I would guess that since my dollar goes further here, it'll be a bit easier to do those things. Maybe you need to escape to an even slower pace of life than Portland? That kinda sucks.
 
Old 08-29-2013, 11:49 AM
 
Location: Tucson, AZ
1,588 posts, read 2,515,059 times
Reputation: 4188
Quote:
Originally Posted by turquoise1 View Post
Andy, with all due respect, I don't equate excessive drinking and inopportune discussions about menstruation with friendliness.
Neither do I, that's the point. I always heard "People in the south are so friendly." What they should say is "people in the south are so nosy."

Initially , the people seem okay, then 5 minutes later they are telling you about family problems, or personal problems. I found southerners like to tell you about their problems, like you are a psychologist.
They enjoy talking about things that make them victims.

Valdosta, Montgomery, Abilene. All deemed much friendlier than Portland. All people were either drunk 40% of their adult life or were talking about personal things that were uncomfortable to talk about.

If what I experienced was southern hospitality, I'll take cold and distant and the ocassional greeting with a sentence or two, over a bunch of intoxicated lookie loos and people that want to talk for an hour about absolutely nothing. that's the native Portlander in me, I guess.

I was at a youth basketball game in Valdosta, and a lady I was sitting next to started talking to me out of the blue. I didn't want to talk to her, I tried to make that apparent. It didn't work.

She asked me what unit I was with. What section of town I was living in. If I was married. How many kids I had. What church I go to. She noticed I drove a Mercedes and she did too, big deal. on on and on with questions about my personal life. Then she asked me what, I wanted to know about her. When I said " well nothing really ma'am" She started carrying on about how rude Yankee men are and yada, yada.

Every day felt like a battle to protect my privacy. I don't have that problem in Portland.
 
Old 08-29-2013, 09:46 PM
 
Location: Dallas, Oregon & Sunsites Arizona
8,000 posts, read 17,249,055 times
Reputation: 2866
Booze Barns are not a good place to make friends. All you'll ever have are bar buddies. I can't really help though because even though my Dad moved us about every six months, and I have at times had his wanderlust, I have never had any trouble making friends. But I will guarantee you looking in bars for friends is a dead end.
 
Old 08-30-2013, 05:45 PM
 
9,470 posts, read 6,934,871 times
Reputation: 2177
Quote:
Originally Posted by psichick View Post
Yikes. I escaped the rat race of CA (one reason) to come up here to a slower way of life, more land to buy for a cheaper price, and be able to do things. I would guess that since my dollar goes further here, it'll be a bit easier to do those things. Maybe you need to escape to an even slower pace of life than Portland? That kinda sucks.
I don't live in Portland. But it doesn't matter. There's not a lot of places in the country where this isn't true. You have to get WAAAYYY OUT THERE to find places where the pace of life doesn't do this to us. I've lived in a couple of them, too.
 
Old 08-30-2013, 08:49 PM
 
584 posts, read 1,334,746 times
Reputation: 476
Quote:
Originally Posted by AndyAMG View Post
A German friend of mine was an au pair in Dallas. She felt people were overbearing and asked too many questions. She felt uneasy around them. One of the neighbors in Plano was talking about menstrual issues and plastic surgery and this was 5 minutes after they had met. Anna did not understand this as a German, Germans would never talk about that kind of stuff. She would always ask me questions like: "Why do people feel they have to tell you too much information all the time here? The man of the couple she was a nanny for asked her if she had been to Dachau then carried on about nazi atrocities. What kind of question is that and why would you talk to a German about that? That subject is not the common ground to build rapport with a German. She said the other neighbor man would talk to her about uncomfortable things, sexual things. She also claims that he tried to set up some emergency situation in the house she was in so he would look like a hero. She had the neighbor behind her looking over the fence like a peeping tom if she was sun bathing talking to her about stuff she had no clue about and the guy just wouldn't leave her alone. She had house wives talking behind her back in earshot, almost like they wanted her to hear what they though of her. The kids were out of control little brats, the parents had a drinking problem and fought all the time. Horrible situation.

She couldn't wait to get out of those "friendly" places.

Previously, she was an au pair / exchange student in Portland and much preferred Portland.

I feel the same way. I am friendly with my neighbors in Clackamas County but I would never invite them over for dinner. We exchange pleasantries about weather, vehicles, weekend plans , but I really don't know anything about their personal lives, nor should I. It's none of my business. They feel the same.

When I lived in Texas I felt the same way as Anna even though I am an American. TMI all the time! Tons of nosy questioning, that I just wanted to say it's none of your business what I'm doing.

"I have no plans for my back yard." "No, I'm not fixing that sprinkler head." "Yes, I know the gutters need cleaning." "Yes, there were some Meskin people at my house earlier, I work with them." "No, I'm not building a fence" "No, I'm not going to rake the that leaves fall from my tree on to your property." I felt every time I came home, my neighbors would want to engage in long, boring, meaningless conversations about nothing that would inevitable lead up to a question about my property, my choice of friends, or my personal life. It got so old and tiring. Another thing, If someone in a "friendly" state (AL, GA and TX are my experiences) gave you something they would always use it as leverage for some sort of asinine request in the future. "We were wondering if you'd baby sit our kids, remember, I let you borrow my angle grinder..neighbor."

I could not wait to get out of Montgomery, Valdosta, or Abilene.

Arizona was even less friendly than Oregon. Everyone had bars on their windows and doors and always entered through their garage, they would run out and get the mail, avoiding eye contact then scurry back into their garage. I talked to my neighbors a handful of times in the 4-5 years I lived in AZ.

My advice to you, join a club that does things you are interested in. It's hard to say it, because ill get flamed for believing in Christ, but you'd forge more meaningful relationships going to church. I know lots of people who were loners that turned their lives around and wondered why they were so adamant about being atheist, it did nothing for them except isolate them. Many of my friends as they get older are turning back to church and God, why? Not really for God, (old habits die hard) but to raise their children in a clean environment, free from swearing and blatant immorality with nice people with similar life goals.

Good luck, people here aren't un-friendly. they just have their BS fake friend radar on. It usually takes some sort of above and beyond act that shows them that your really trust worthy. Meetups at bars aren't going to find meaningful relationships of anykind. I learned that in my early 20's.

The problem i see here is you and your German friend chosen to live in the bad neighborhood and that is where you got a nosy , uneducated bad attitude kind of people. I lived in those states you mentioned plus many more and i have very positive with all of them. Why ? Because i don't live in crappy neighborhoods. I am nowhere near window with bars .
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