Are surly, uptight or obtuse co-workers common here? (Portland: new home, purchase)
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That is true of my neighborhood too. When I first moved here around the area of 27th and Hawthorne back in the mid 80's I was told people would smile and say "Hello" to you when they passed you by on the street. Now that rarely happens. No more trick-or-treaters either and we used to have tons.
The only people who are friendly, it seems, are those who are walking their dogs. If you smile at their dogs, sometimes they will smile at you. I have stopped smiling at people because because after awhile, they would just either glare at me or turn their heads and look away. Heaven forbid we would make eye contact. These are mostly young people who kind of go around with a scowl on their face and don't look as though they want a smile and a "hello" anyway. But in the past, people of all ages did. Often it was the younger people who would smile the first smile.
Yes!
This has been one of my biggest disappointments with living in Portland (tied with the cost of housing relative to wages). I guess I should have done more research/spent more time here before relocating, but I have been dumbfounded at the aloof unfriendliness of a lot (most?) of the people. Now granted, I'm from the south, where smiling, saying hello, waving, etc., is part of life. I brought those habits with me. However, I quickly discovered that this was rarely reciprocated. Approaching someone on a sidewalk, they will avoid eye contact, and you'll be lucky to get "hello" back, but almost never a smile. Now I feel like I've lost my enthusiasm to warmly greet people and am becoming just as closed-off and awkward as everyone else. I guess I had this image of Portland having a warm-fuzzy kind of hippie-loving vibe, but that has not been the case AT ALL. It is all the more disconcerting in that Portland feels very small-townish to me but has this completely uncalled for big-city attitude.
Pdwpdx, the one exception is the bizarre, "So, what do you have going on today, what do you have planned?" that the cashier or barista asks. And, of course, "How's everything tasting!" lol.
I think it's just very cliquish. I generally don't do well with cliques.
Deezus, as usual, you have a very interesting and well-thought-out perspective. I can see how your experience has been different, and more positive, than mine. I am glad about that, for you!
This has been one of my biggest disappointments with living in Portland (tied with the cost of housing relative to wages). I guess I should have done more research/spent more time here before relocating, but I have been dumbfounded at the aloof unfriendliness of a lot (most?) of the people. Now granted, I'm from the south, where smiling, saying hello, waving, etc., is part of life. I brought those habits with me. However, I quickly discovered that this was rarely reciprocated. Approaching someone on a sidewalk, they will avoid eye contact, and you'll be lucky to get "hello" back, but almost never a smile. Now I feel like I've lost my enthusiasm to warmly greet people and am becoming just as closed-off and awkward as everyone else. I guess I had this image of Portland having a warm-fuzzy kind of hippie-loving vibe, but that has not been the case AT ALL. It is all the more disconcerting in that Portland feels very small-townish to me but has this completely uncalled for big-city attitude.
Portland definitely does not put out the southern hospitality vibe. Having traveling in the south a bit, I can totally understand how disconcerting this must have been. I assume you know this, but it isn't anything about you that is triggering this.
There are nice people around PDX, but it is tough to find them, as they are scattered, and it can be hard to get into their circles to befriend them even when you find them. And once you have a pack of friends, still not much will change on the daily transaction good manners/hospitality front (for lack of a better term) - "awkward" is a good way to describe it. PDX just doesn't roll that way.
Oh, I know. It's just so hard to find anyone nice in Portland, isn't it?
Rubbish!
Again, I can only think it's the people you're associating yourself with. I deal with the public daily, in small doses, so I have an opportunity to really talk with them. And they're pretty much all lovely, friendly people, kind and generous. And these are people of all ages, all socio-economic standing.
A lot of local people from Oregon originally came from New England (think Vermont, New Hampshire, Massachusetts). People from that area have the same national reputation for being a bit parochial and unfriendly. It's part of being a WASP. Oregonians are mostly WASP, not from Scandinavia. The Swedes and Norwegians mostly settled in the northern plains (Minnesota and Wisconsin).
Yet again, I'm sorry, but that's simply not true.
Here's who (American birthplaces only) was settled in Oregon by the time of the 1860 census, grouped by region:
New England 1156
MA 376, ME 279, VT 209, CT 140, NH 122, RI 30
Mid-Atlantic 2777
NY 1513, PA 894, MD 186, NJ 153, DE 31
Atlantic South: 1300
VA 813, NC 288, SC 65, AL 57, GA 53, MS 18, FL 6
Upper Midwest: 3827
OH 1753, IL 1013, IN 946, MI 89, WI 24, MN 2
South-Central: 3883
MO 1442, KY 1278, TN 819, IA 311, LA 21, TX 12
You can clearly see, most of the settlers in Oregon were from the central states, not from New England. Which actually contributed the fewest settlers.
what's the seattle freeze? i lived in seattle in 1990-93 and HATED IT. i came from cali and they didn't like californians either. we moved around trying to get a taste of the west coast, hubs wants to go up for a weekend just to fool around, but i don't know. i had such an awful experience there, though some of it might have been me, as i had lost my mom in 89 and my grieving process was still pretty fresh. we then moved back to cali; left cali in 02 as my husband wanted a less-expensive place to retire. it's worked out now that i'm not working i like portland, but if the portland freeze is like the seattle freeze, it is not pleasant and very white bread, but that's just me and my experience. i'm going to show you how PC i am and say the feelings i got both at work and just around town are all my fault and not the folks in pdx. i just gotta say that if you are an older worker, keep up your skills in computer work as the younger folk will be nipping at your heels and if they don't like you, watch out! i had 2 separate experiences at 2 different law firms, one in 93 and one in 05-08; the thirtysomethings and younger do not seem to like the older workers and would like to see them leave. that's just my opinion and it's from a gut level feeling, nothing i can prove or disprove with stats.
i've found some fabulous pdxers and most of them are transplants. can't explain it, but i wish i had run for cali when i had the chance. my retirement is what it is financially and i have a better quality of life here in pdx as opposed to cali. just sayin. . . .
I think true third or fourth generational Oregonians are pretty similar (I am a 4th generation Oregonian, my kids are 5th). That is to say they are all over the board, completely unpredictable you can't put them in a category or simply label them liberal or conservative. True Oregonians still have the roots of their old pioneer ancestors, a live and let live and get the f%$# off of my property kind of spirit. Portland is too conservative to progressive liberals and too liberal for bible belt folks. In other words there are no real extreme people here and it alienates and disappoints those who believe it's one thing or the other. Oregon is a 'none of the above' kind of place. We all have blue collar roots. Oregon had never been an up and coming place for business and tech, look at Portland in the 60s and 70s, Portland was on the same level as Chattanooga, TN. It was no place anyone cared about and the people liked it that way. A drive through my neighborhood on a Saturday would reveal that all of my neighbors have blue collared skills. The guy next to me is welding things all the time, I have a machine shop in my garage, The guy across the street builds muscle cars, the guy two doors away builds boat motors and owns his own boat engine shop. They are all 3rd+ generation Oregonians. We are all mostly friendly and cordial (but not overly.)
If you are one of those guys who owns a small tool kit and the most blue collared thing you have ever done is put together IKEA furniture or changed a tire once. You probably aren't going to be let into an Oregonian friends circle. My wife's cousin married this "guy" from Conn. that doesn't own any tools, can't drive a stick shift, has never ridden a motorcycle, doesn't like sports. I thought "Okay I'm sure he's a nice guy." We helped them move in and all the dudes were getting irritated with him cause he would have to set things down because it would hurt his wrist. Then he went in with his wife and unpacked things as we moved all the heavy stuff. Then he would make comments about his hoodie getting dirt on it. Then when we just need him to pull on one end of a strap, he couldn't even do it, he looked at a simple double d loop strap like it was an unsolvable rubiks cube. He was not well liked by any of the family, even the women were talking crap about how worthless he seemed as a man. There was no point to this story other than I cannot believe a 31 year old "man" who plans on providing for a family was so utterly useless. Garrett complains about how hard it is to make guy friends, I have the answer but I'm too nice to tell him. Do boys just not have male role models anymore to teach them these things? Some of you say that none of those things matter, and that he's no less of a man. Or you think, well as long as he provides for his family. Well that's interesting too, because he has a minimum wage part time job. So throw that out the window too. HES WORTHLESS, he just looks pretty and....... does stuff? I don't know.
People say transplants are more friendly but they don't have any transplant friends either, so........ I guess it is them.
I think true third or fourth generational Oregonians are pretty similar (I am a 4th generation Oregonian, my kids are 5th). That is to say they are all over the board, completely unpredictable you can't put them in a category or simply label them liberal or conservative. True Oregonians still have the roots of their old pioneer ancestors, a live and let live and get the f%$# off of my property kind of spirit. Portland is too conservative to progressive liberals and too liberal for bible belt folks. In other words there are no real extreme people here and it alienates and disappoints those who believe it's one thing or the other. Oregon is a 'none of the above' kind of place. We all have blue collar roots. Oregon had never been an up and coming place for business and tech, look at Portland in the 60s and 70s, Portland was on the same level as Chattanooga, TN. It was no place anyone cared about and the people liked it that way. A drive through my neighborhood on a Saturday would reveal that all of my neighbors have blue collared skills. The guy next to me is welding things all the time, I have a machine shop in my garage, The guy across the street builds muscle cars, the guy two doors away builds boat motors and owns his own boat engine shop. They are all 3rd+ generation Oregonians. We are all mostly friendly and cordial (but not overly.)
If you are one of those guys who owns a small tool kit and the most blue collared thing you have ever done is put together IKEA furniture or changed a tire once. You probably aren't going to be let into an Oregonian friends circle. My wife's cousin married this "guy" from Conn. that doesn't own any tools, can't drive a stick shift, has never ridden a motorcycle, doesn't like sports. I thought "Okay I'm sure he's a nice guy." We helped them move in and all the dudes were getting irritated with him cause he would have to set things down because it would hurt his wrist. Then he went in with his wife and unpacked things as we moved all the heavy stuff. Then he would make comments about his hoodie getting dirt on it. Then when we just need him to pull on one end of a strap, he couldn't even do it, he looked at a simple double d loop strap like it was an unsolvable rubiks cube. He was not well liked by any of the family, even the women were talking crap about how worthless he seemed as a man. There was no point to this story other than I cannot believe a 31 year old "man" who plans on providing for a family was so utterly useless. Garrett complains about how hard it is to make guy friends, I have the answer but I'm too nice to tell him. Do boys just not have male role models anymore to teach them these things? Some of you say that none of those things matter, and that he's no less of a man. Or you think, well as long as he provides for his family. Well that's interesting too, because he has a minimum wage part time job. So throw that out the window too. HES WORTHLESS, he just looks pretty and....... does stuff? I don't know.
People say transplants are more friendly but they don't have any transplant friends either, so........ I guess it is them.
Wow! Way to go! Why don't you talk to the guy in his face rather than talking about the guy on a public forum. That is what real men do? Please. My family on my mom's side is Hawaiian so yes, we "go back generations" and yes, it's annoying to see dumb transplants literally ruin communities on Oahu. My relatives have better manners than you, IMO. I think it's YOU and not that you are a native Oregonian that lacks common social skills. My father's side goes back to NY about 120 years and transplants/immigrants have MADE NYC a unique, ever evolving place. My relatives there also have manners. Not ALL Portlanders act like you.
Wow! Way to go! Why don't you talk to the guy in his face rather than talking about the guy on a public forum. That is what real men do? Please. My family on my mom's side is Hawaiian so yes, we "go back generations" and yes, it's annoying to see dumb transplants literally ruin communities on Oahu. My relatives have better manners than you, IMO. I think it's YOU and not that you are a native Oregonian that lacks common social skills. My father's side goes back to NY about 120 years and transplants/immigrants have MADE NYC a unique, ever evolving place. My relatives there also have manners. Not ALL Portlanders act like you.
You missed the whole point of what he was trying to explain.
You missed the whole point of what he was trying to explain.
No, I didn't. Any guy that speaks about a family's member on a "public" forum shouldn't talk about other people's attitudes. That is just plain rude and talk about passive aggressive. I know a lot of a native Portlanders that don't have cars parked in their driveway with a toolbox ready so they can "work" on a car all weekend. There are all kinds of people that claim Portland as theirs. My dad grew up in Manhattan but HIS experience and background is NOT the ONLY one that matters or gets counted.
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