Is it tough to make friends in Portland? (Corvallis, Albany: fit in, transplants)

[oregonwoodsmoke]

OP, all over the country, it is more difficult to make friends once you are an adult and out of school. No one will rush to greet you and beg you to join their clan... unless maybe they are trying to recruit you for their church.

Portland is no different than any place else. if you want friends, you must do something to meet people. Friends come from common activities or hobbies. Friends come from classes at the college that are the type of classes that require a lot of student interaction, such as foreign language or art.

You think Chicago is all friendly because you have lived there for 10 years and you know people. Chicago isn't any more friendly to a total stranger than Portland is. Go to Chicago and if you want friends, you have to get out there and use your common interests to meet people. It's like that all over the country and it might very well be like that all over the world. You can't sit in front of your TV and complain that nobody is friendly. You have to make the effort.

[lovelysky]

I must chime in here because my family just moved to Portland a few months back and the first thing I noticed when I went out for my morning jog in the trails is that very few people make eye contact, smile or says good morning as you pass each other.
My first run here I said "hello" , "good morning" etc... about 5x during a 30 minute stretch of running. Then I stopped greeting people. I felt this was not normal here and I tried to ignore the people. It was weird. They ignored me too. So now I have resorted to my earbuds, light smiles and some hello's.

Back in my previous hometown, you greeted everyone on the trails... now granted it was a smaller town.

[SETabor]

If I'm running around my neighborhood, I'll do the head nod to other runners. If I'm on the Springwater, I tend to try and avoid making any and all eye contact with the locals. Other trails, if there's a lot of bicyclists or dog walkers, I'm trying to stay alert and not get surprised so I'm not really paying too much attention to other runners.

[vacuumbed]

Originally Posted by StealthRabbit

PNW is studied for it's 'standoffish nature / shallow relationships...'

PNW was Settled by people seeking independence and they still want it. (value it)

You can get along fine without friends. (Has worked for me for 30 yrs, tho I find it interesting...since I am from the 'plains' where neighbors help each other and have potlucks / drop-in guests frequently. Feed each other when ill...)

Your PNW neighbors might realize you are dead when you start smelling too bad. They won't bother calling the cops or check on you to find out why you have been gone for 2 months, they are respecting your SPACE. +/-

you will be fine. Just come and hunker down!

BTW: 'non-alternative' parents are not real, Neither are the sexually straight, monogamous, Christians, NRA toters... anyone with a solid character. That is how diversity works in Portland. (Oregon in general). You think, act, and vote like them, or you don't exist. It's Just the rules! You will be fine (and embraced) if you ascribe to 'group think'.


Leave this in Chicago -
"we appreciate frank discussions about tough issues"

(or move to the state, 5 minutes north) It is ok to express opinions there. (and have frank discussions)

IMHO... just from 30+ yrs of dealing with PNW and working both sides of the river.

Seattle has a MUCH different reason for 'distanced' relationships.

PNW people are not generally rude, in fact they are quite congenial and accepting. (Live and Let live) UNLESS you think differently in Oregon.
Best to just smile and acknowledge them, and go about your business. NO arguments, they are not confrontational / 'talk-it-out-people'. You will be banished for life if you bring up a counter opinion, so if you must live in Oregon, keep your 'non-Oregon' opinions to yourself (don't tell your wife or kids either, they might turn on you, or WORST... turn you in!!)

It's Just the rules! OR CPS might choose to enforce that! So keep it SHUT!

I can't believe I wasn't banned from the forum for my Las Vegas thread here in the Portland section.

[mjoanwalker]

Thanks for all of the posts in reply to my original post. We appreciate your thoughts. I think I've got the idea now.

[ca_north]

Originally Posted by mjoanwalker

My family is considering a move to Portland. We live in Chicago currently and are really looking for easy access to hiking, as well as art.

We went to Portland on a scouting trip and of course found the place beautiful and thought the people were friendly. That said, we met up with two sets of friends living in Portland, but both are thinking of moving because they have found it remarkably hard to make friends there. (Both have been there for 5+ years). Has anyone else had this experience? We like these friends, of course, and are worried that if they've had such trouble making friends we might too.

I lived in Seattle about ten years ago and found it hard to make friends because people were so polite. It was hard to really get to know them. I chalked this up to my own personal deficiencies, but I am wondering if maybe it is actually a general quality of the Northwest. My friends said it feels related to people being judgmental and unable to deal with conflict or difference. I remember this from when I was in college but again, chalked it up to college radicalism.

I will admit that I was a little turned off by Portland's alternative parenting magazine being called "True Parent" as if non-alternative parents are not "real".

Politically, my wife and I are very liberal, but we appreciate frank discussions about tough issues and feel like most issues are more complicated than two sides. That said, I don't like to argue and am a "live and let live" kind of person.

So, that's the background. Have other (liberal) people found Portlanders judgmental? Is it difficult to make friends?

Thanks for any thoughts on this.

I agree that Portland's "friendliness" is oddly superficial, even accounting for newcomer status in unfamiliar surroundings. It is much more about being polite than being sincere. There's a noticeable standoffish mindset vs. what I experienced in California. Scandinavian influences from original settlers have been said to contribute to odd behavior, though I don't know if that would be any more true in Portland than Minneapolis, etc.

[dent_arthur_dent]

Coming from the UK it sounds as though the weather isn't the only thing that would be hauntingly familiar.

[farahmoffit]

As someone who moved here 8 months ago, I feel like it is fairly easy to make friends. I haven't been here long enough to know if these are going to be treasured life long friends - but that partly depends on the amount of effort I intend to make. I'm a mom in my 40's to middle aged school children and was very concerned that I would struggle to make connections since most families with older children have established friendships early on and they remain in those circles as their kids get older. It really hasn't been as hard as I imagined.

You'll notice how easy it is to strike up conversation every where in Portland. I've been fortunate to meet other ladies and start talking to them at garage sales, art classes, block parties and restaurants. I've had to come out of my shell and extend myself further by asking for their contact info so that i can invite them to tea/coffee/lunch. Now I have regular lunch buddies!

I've also joined Meetup groups and while that hasn't resulted in very strong connections, I am pretty hopeful that it is a wonderful resource for meeting new people.

There is a constant influx of people moving to Portland so there is always people looking to meet others! Find the newbies and you'll find friends.

[ca_north]

Originally Posted by mjoanwalker

My family is considering a move to Portland. We live in Chicago currently and are really looking for easy access to hiking, as well as art.

We went to Portland on a scouting trip and of course found the place beautiful and thought the people were friendly. That said, we met up with two sets of friends living in Portland, but both are thinking of moving because they have found it remarkably hard to make friends there. (Both have been there for 5+ years). Has anyone else had this experience? We like these friends, of course, and are worried that if they've had such trouble making friends we might too.

I lived in Seattle about ten years ago and found it hard to make friends because people were so polite. It was hard to really get to know them. I chalked this up to my own personal deficiencies, but I am wondering if maybe it is actually a general quality of the Northwest. My friends said it feels related to people being judgmental and unable to deal with conflict or difference. I remember this from when I was in college but again, chalked it up to college radicalism.

I will admit that I was a little turned off by Portland's alternative parenting magazine being called "True Parent" as if non-alternative parents are not "real".

Politically, my wife and I are very liberal, but we appreciate frank discussions about tough issues and feel like most issues are more complicated than two sides. That said, I don't like to argue and am a "live and let live" kind of person.

So, that's the background. Have other (liberal) people found Portlanders judgmental? Is it difficult to make friends?

Thanks for any thoughts on this.

I run into what I call the Billy Redden Banjo Playing Aftermath Shutdown (BRBPAS) more often in Portland than other places. People you've just met will seem very interested in a topic and come off as friendly, but once the subject changes to something they don't find cool, they clam up or get obtuse. You realize they weren't being sincere and it makes for bad first impressions.

Obviously, there's no average person in any given area but I've seen that more here.

[Firry]

I haven't found it difficult to make friends at all. The key seems to be hooking up with other people that share your passion. So whatever you're into, find a related Portland group on meetup or facebook and check them out. People here, at least the ones I've met, tend to take a really deep interest in one or two things. What would be hobbies somewhere else are taken to a really high level here. It's a town of creative people, entrepreneurial people, and simply ones with strong interests. So celebrate your own with similarly minded people and you're more likely to make friends.