Meeting/dating young adults? (Portland: 2014, camps, live)

[HondaCivet]

I've been trying really hard to figure this out myself but I'm having a lot of trouble . . . Does anyone have any advice on how to meet people, especially for dating, in this town? I know there's Meetup.com, are any of the singles' groups good? When I do more general social stuff it seems like absolutely everyone is in a relationship and no one needs friends.

For background, I'm in my late 20's, female and not grotesquely overweight or deformed. I AM pretty nerdy (I'm a software engineer) which probably makes things harder as almost no men have had the experience of dating an engineer since there are so few females in those fields . . .

I've been trying to use OKCupid but most guys on there are really ugly, boring or both and the sufficiently cute (not even huge studs, just cute enough) ones don't write back. I haven't been able to make many friends either since I don't know how to meet people, which makes it even harder to get out and do things . . . I do go out and do stuff that interests me like software user groups (which are entirely men generally), the gym, music . . . Does Portland just suck for singles? In a year or so I'd probably have enough experience to get a job in Seattle and move up there, would that be better? I've been here since 2011 and I'm getting pretty tired of trying to figure this town out, maybe it's just a bad fit?

[Steve Pickering]

Try Church. You can make some great friends there. Also dating has nothing, ZERO, to do with a town, its size, or its location. Dating anywhere is YOU, and only you.

[James Stock]

Try Meetup. Create a profile join a few meetup sites and go to the meetups. Hiking, skiing, church, whatever your passion's are. The best way to meet someone is doing things you like and let it happen naturally or you could go to Hamburger Marys downtown!! Lol.

[HondaCivet]

Not religious so church won't work . . .

[hamellr]

More often you see guys saying the same thing. OKCupid is hit or miss, but I'm guessing you're an introvert. (based merely on stereotyping - sorry.) Do you approach people in public? But really, if you need someone "right now," then Meetup.com is your best way to meet people.

Also, if you're on OKCupid - at least give guys who maybe contacting you a chance. It's a two way street.

Avoid church for guys. There is a huge section of predator type single "gentleman" who church hop and find emotionally fragile single women to use and leave. It's a pick up technique in several of "those" books.

Either way, statically you should be good as there are more Single Guys on the West Coast then single females.

[psichick]

From what I've always heard about Portland, is that most younger people (late 20/early 30) were settled down already. More couples, not a lot of singles, in general. Now granted, I'm not sure what the true stats are. Does CD show that kind of data? I knew, coming up here from LA, I was moving to a tiny pool of men.

I will browse OKC sometimes for the fun of it, I find decent looking men, it's just too bad most of them are heavily into vegan/vegetarian diets, outdoor activities, beer, or live bands. LOL. None of those are really my thing.

I'm wondering if you should try different dating sites. I know the others you have to pay for, but maybe spend some money, assuming you have it, just to see what is out there. If it's the same group, cancel your membership.

Besides, aren't you surrounded by men, being a software engineer? Or are you trying to find the non-software engineer type?

One last thing, from what I've read here, it seems that most people in Portland keep to themselves. I'm not saying people won't approach you or talk to you, but here, it's more, "live and let live". When I lived in LA and have walked my dog, people always stop me or say something. Here, it's rare. I'm not sure how Seattle compares. It is a larger city, but does that mean better dating opps? Who knows.

[Leisesturm]

Originally Posted by HondaCivet

For background, I'm in my late 20's, female and not grotesquely overweight or deformed. I AM pretty nerdy (I'm a software engineer) which probably makes things harder as almost no men have had the experience of dating an engineer since there are so few females in those fields

Not grotesquely overweight... but not a size 4... correct? Not deformed... but not anyone's idea of an A-list beauty icon. In other words, you're normal. What you haven't shown us is what your idea of "cute" in a guy is. Is it realistic? I'm sure you think so. Would I? Why does it matter? Because I am who you are hoping will write back to you. You're a smart girl, you know this. You also know it won't be different in Seattle. If you're asking, it means you aren't even from here. So where are you from? Was it better there? Can I take off my mean jeans now and go back to being sweet, lovable me? If you want to meet a guy, you will. Simple as that. If you want to meet a stud muffin you will have to be similarly studettely. I see nerdy girls with guys, just saying. Nerdy or not has nothing to do with it. Make some female friends. Find out how they met the guys they are with.

H

[nagrommm]

Best of luck. I have SO many single girlfriends in portland and never had a good guy to set them up with. A lot of them moved. In my experience it's not an easy town to find a relationship kind of guy. Not impossible! But, yeah, I'll agree with the previous poster who said a lot of people move there as couples. I knew tons of fantastic married/engaged guys when I lived there...

[bler144]

Wired ran an interesting article on hacking dating websites you might find interesting. How a Math Genius Hacked OkCupid to Find True Love - Wired Science

The TLDR being that even if you're on the site, you only get a match if you answer the 'right' questions. Not that you necessarily need to go to the lengths this person did, but you may want to rethink your account.

You could also consider whether OKcupid or some other site (clearly not JDate, but along the lines of what Leis said, if you're looking for a nerd, you might have better luck somewhere like Geek2Geek).

Working with a lot of males, even if they aren't single, if you meet someone you would potentially have interest in and befriend a bit (shared interests, etc.), it's worth asking if he has any single friends who also like XYZ he could introduce you to casually.

[NWGirl74]

Originally Posted by HondaCivet

Does Portland just suck for singles?

In my experience, yes. Sorry to be blunt but you did ask. Single Portlanders seem to have a tendency to want to date but not to want to settle down. As for Meetup, I've been an organizer/member since 2008. I've seen very few relationships start from there and even fewer of them last. The members of the singles groups I've belonged to are typically older (40+).

A lot of people join Meetup because they are newly single or are new to town and want a low pressure/no pressure way to meet others with similar interests. Some are interested in dating, some are genuinely just looking to make friends or find others to enjoy their favorite hobby with them. Not everyone who joins Meetup and attends events on a regular basis is single. I go with the assumption that if a member has their interests visible and dating isn't one of them, that's not why they joined the site until I'm told otherwise. Also, Meetup events tend to be attended by more women than men and a 50% no show rate among those who RSVP'd yes is considered standard.

On the plus side, the single men who do attend Meetup events on a regular basis also tend to fall into two camps: mid to late 20's or nearing 50 and over. I would suggest you look into the 20's and 30's Awesome Stuff group as it's pretty active in terms of events (there are over 7,000 members, however, at least half of them have not visited the site in over a year so don't be deterred by that) and that may be a good way for you to at least get out and start making friends-you never know who they may know. Most of the groups also host speed dating events several times a month and those for the 23-37 age range do tend to sell out for the men, whereas the 40+ age groups tend to sell out for the women.