Why are people in Portland so passive aggressive? (transplants, house)

[supportdustyrose]

This is my second time in five years living in Portland. I made it almost three years the first time, and so far six months this second time. As a native New Yorker I am used to saying what I mean when it needs to be said. I don't understand why I encounter so many people in Portland who will agree with you publicly, then speak about you or your opinions to everyone else behind your back. This passive aggressive behavior is something I have encountered from many many many people during both stints of living in Portland. It makes me distrustful of the people I befriend, and does not encourage me to stick around. Does anyone have a clue why people are like this out here?

[robertpolyglot]

Originally Posted by supportdustyrose

This is my second time in five years living in Portland. I made it almost three years the first time, and so far six months this second time. As a native New Yorker I am used to saying what I mean when it needs to be said.

I don't know you and I like you. Most Northeasterners speak their minds. It's great. You know where you stand.

I also understand the flirtation with Portland and it's being tough to reconcile "I like the place but I don't like the people." Many transplants from more EMOTIVE areas feel that way. The best thing to do is find like-minded transplants who haven't "caved in."

[PNW-type-gal]

Why expect people to be the way they were where you used to live? Portland - and the rest of the US, pretty much - is not NYC. From a westerner point of view, I might as well ask "why are some people in NYC so abrasive and in-your-face?"

[subsound]

I think it's kind of a general thing. Knowing people who grew up in the post war period and growing up now it's a much different attitude across the board. With them they talk about how if some one was a jerk or did something completely out of line they would stand up and say "No, that was not right" while confronting the person.

Now I would dread doing that, because most people (at least I think) would over react or react in a extreme fashion. An example is in a movie theater recently a kid was screaming his/her little head off (it was scared probably, all the explosions) for 20 minutes, and I went and complained. Apparently I'm not the first as the mother comes running out of the theater and yells at me for being a jerk like the other people, and gets so angry her husband pulls her away. It's not a big deal, little kids cry...take them outside, sooth them, and go back in to enjoy the movie (it's what my parents did)...but the anger as she comes rushing out was amazing for the minor rudeness she inflicted on her fellow movie goers.

Personally I don't want to deal with the anger of people, it may be rare, but it only takes one to really do something extreme

[What!]

Originally Posted by supportdustyrose

This is my second time in five years living in Portland. I made it almost three years the first time, and so far six months this second time. As a native New Yorker I am used to saying what I mean when it needs to be said. I don't understand why I encounter so many people in Portland who will agree with you publicly, then speak about you or your opinions to everyone else behind your back. This passive aggressive behavior is something I have encountered from many many many people during both stints of living in Portland. It makes me distrustful of the people I befriend, and does not encourage me to stick around. Does anyone have a clue why people are like this out here?

Just because you feel comfortable always saying what you mean doesn't mean what you have to say is anything important. That's not always the case. Obviously, these people don't care for your opinion so it would be wise to lose the idea that saying your opinion all the time is important. Wrong!

Also, how is talking about the things you hate about Portland on the internet, anonymously, behind people's back, being "upfront and always saying what you mean"?

[steel7]

Being open minded & saying whats on your mind is not the norm in portland.People are just more "reserved" in portland.Yawnz.........

[bliss61]

From a native who escaped Portland in 1963, I see the contrast between Portland and the thousands of other U.S. towns and cities I have visited and lived in this country. It is unique.

Oregonians and most Portlanders are "job" oriented. They get up, go to work, etc, etc, yawn, yawn. Until the past 30-40 years, a lot of work was seasonal and close to nature. Most women still identify being "feminine" with being passive. Most men still identify being "masculine" with anger and control.

Until recently, steady work was hard to find and no one wanted to rock the boat by being too assertive or try to make changes or be too creative because one could not go down the street to the next job.

For a long time, I saw a "my way or the highway" mentality in the jobplace..negotiating for anything better was not welcomed. The status quo was/is good enough.

No choices. Also, if one was too creative or ambitious, you were considered weird and didn't belong...so being pushed out of the group mentality was lonely.

So that may explain how the passive agressive personality developed. It also explained why I stayed away and will never try to live in Portland again. It's too one-dimensional for me.

I love hearing arguments Texans have about barbeque (don't you use no roast) or have an aging black man in a market in Galveston tell me how to roast a duck. I love hearing about the latest new invention coming from one of my friends in California. These are lives filled with passion, like mine.

I love doing business with New Yorkers and I know New York, like San Francisco is an intense place to live. But I appreciate the "getting down to business" and knowing that if I do a good job, I will be respected but more important, you will know the difference.

So, while there was a pioneering spirit in Oregon, life was very hard to settle and like Montana, Wyoming and others like them, getting basic needs met was and is enough. The idea of an entrepenuerial spirit was a rare quality, not supported, not rewarded.

Never do I underestimate the role that weather plays in people's lives. In the heavy overcast, grey color a person is bound to develop differently from people who can feel the sun on their faces more often.

I have experienced Portlanders and Oregonians feeling like victims. Not one of my Portland relatives ever admitted selling their house to an outsider, who paid too much and never knew the difference. So, they stay on the defensive, hoping no one will recognize the greed. (ha-ha..).
Tell me again, who is responsible for property taxes being raised?

It may be though....during this harsh economic time...the people in Portland and in Oregon will teach some of us the value of getting by is good enough.

[Waterlily]

I have locked this thread. I find it falls into the catagory of a trolling post. You can read more about trolls or trolling here //www.city-data.com/forum/faq/9...g-defined.html