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Old 02-11-2020, 08:45 PM
 
1,195 posts, read 974,700 times
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Hi. I'm 33 guy, married happily for 3 years, we had our obstacles but are quite stable now. We rely on my income which is mediocre. I been slowly improving my credit and savings account. My job is relatively stable. We haven't had a child yet but it seems the right time is approaching to handle a child/baby.

What made you guys decide to go ahead and have your child?
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Old 02-11-2020, 10:09 PM
 
Location: Bloomington IN
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We were in a better financial position and could afford it. That said, our finances really took a hit with a baby and a new house within a couple of months, but they were on the upswing in terms of earnings. It was pretty tough though the first year or so.

By baby number two we were in a much better financial place, and we were able to live comfortably on a single income.
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Old 02-15-2020, 04:14 PM
 
1,195 posts, read 974,700 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rrah View Post
We were in a better financial position and could afford it. That said, our finances really took a hit with a baby and a new house within a couple of months, but they were on the upswing in terms of earnings. It was pretty tough though the first year or so.

By baby number two we were in a much better financial place, and we were able to live comfortably on a single income.
Thanks for sharing. A baby and a new house sounds challenging to handle at the same time.
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Old 02-15-2020, 05:01 PM
 
Location: Willamette Valley, Oregon
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We knew we only wanted one child and waited about 10 years to have our child (a daughter). We were well positioned financially and didn't need my wife to work. She was a full time mom until our daughter was 5 years old. When pre-school started mom was able to work part time. Our daughter is 36 now and things worked out well.
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Old 02-19-2020, 10:47 PM
 
Location: Northeast US
115 posts, read 318,164 times
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Our situation was fairly specific. Initially, as a boyfriend he was skeptical on kids, and I def. wanted a family. However before our wedding, his brother had a baby, and the brother then soon went to heaven. We spent time and money helping my now single sis-in-law out. He really spent a lot of time with his nephew and began to love him so much he grew confident in wanting kids too. Fast forward another year, the sis has a good job and they are more financially stable, we got marrried, and have used the money we were helping to support her with for savings of our own toward the baby. Currently 33 weeks with a girl
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Old 02-23-2020, 01:42 AM
 
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We got married in 2001 and didn't have a child until 2017. Waiting until we were settled in a location we wanted to raise a child in and until we could afford for me to stay home was essential for us. We spent a lot of time discussing our philosophies about raising a child so that we were on the same page well before we actually started trying for one.

Financial stability should definitely be a top priority. I firmly believe that children need a full-time parent - and usually it works out best for it to be the mother - for at least the first four or five years. For a lot of people, that seems impossible, but when you factor in the costs of childcare, it's really not, if you are properly prepared and budget wisely.

You say you rely on your income, but not whether your wife works at all. I've seen the advice of living on one income to prepare yourselves for what it will be like after baby, while putting the other income away into savings, for at least a year. Whoever is parenting full-time will probably want to find a way to generate an income stream as well- we actually opened a small retail business shortly after our son turned one so that I could work there and take care of him at the same time.

My experience has been that raising a child is extremely difficult, exhausting, and terrifying, but I wouldn't give it up for the world. Good luck and happy planning!
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Old 02-23-2020, 10:32 AM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,301,023 times
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I waited till I was in a stable relationship and economically prepared. I didn't marry till I was 37, and had my kids at 38 and 40.

Parenting was always a goal, but something I would have sacrificed if the right partner hadn't come along, if finances hadn't allowed for it, or if it had been medically contraindicated.

We live comfortably on a single income, and will until they are school age. While pregnant and during their infancies, I completed a graduate degree in the field I'll work in full-time once they are in school.
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Old 02-23-2020, 07:36 PM
 
Location: Pacific Northwest
438 posts, read 372,247 times
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My husband and I were firmly in the no kids club when we met, but 5 years later we're planning on having our first and maybe more in the future.

For us in addition to the financial and personal stability goals; we wanted to wait until we knew we could handle (or at least be aware) of ALL the physical, emotional, and environmental changes a baby brings. Anyone can say they would be fine on 4 or less hours of sleep a night or not leaving the house for weeks, but to actually do it is completely different especially when you add a crying baby, countless undone chores, and such.

As a female I felt it was important that I was ready for the drastic physical changes and for the last year have been working on preparing my body specifically for pregnancy. I've read up on all the changes (including the mental changes of becoming a mother). Both of us have eliminated as many unhealthy lifestyle habits like eating fast food or drinking as well as drop or distance ourselves from unhealthy relationships in our lives. We also carved out a significant amount of time before during and after the baby comes so that neither of us feel overwhelmed and we can make adjustments as the changes come.

I think it's important to remember that a child is a permanent yet ever changing part of your life and partnership. It's not easy and even when you think you're ready you or your partner could encounter issues you've never even thought about. That's okay, but you do need to be prepared for hashing out the details that matter to both of you as they come up (and you definitely should research EVERYTHING before even becoming pregnant; pregnancy, birth, dealing with sickness, sleep training, and everything else you can find).

It feels like a little and a lot at the same time. I know that pregnancy/having a child wasn't a new concept to me, I grew up with older siblings and cousins that had children my whole life growing up. But when it's you and your partner it's a whole new ball game and for me it was eye opening once I realized how much more it can take to plan a family and prepare for a baby.

If you haven't yet, check out parenting or pregnancy forums and check out the different personal stories of real life parents. And keep the conversation alive with your partner. Sometimes even when people agree on having a child there are still things that they might be apprehensive or insecure about. It's important that the two partners are willing to completely support each other and be able to help the other feel confident in their new adventure as a parent.
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Old 02-24-2020, 09:45 PM
 
Location: Saint John, IN
11,583 posts, read 6,675,559 times
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We waited almost 5 years after we got married. When we got married I had a successful career and wasn't ready to have a child yet. We wanted to buy a home and get to a place financially where I didn't have to work until our children were in school. We had our 2nd two years after our first.

My advice, don't worry about when you should have a child. You will never be 100% prepared or ready. Just make sure you can give them a good home, both of you are on board with having a child, and have a financial plan in place, such as will you stay home, work part time-full time, child care etc.
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