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Old 08-23-2008, 07:36 PM
 
Location: Connecticut
427 posts, read 1,390,000 times
Reputation: 357

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Just because someone has a child that does not mean that they have the ability to parent. And you also assume that all mother's really want or love their children. Having had many foster children in our home, I have seen what some parents and mothers can do to their child, do not tell me that they were better off with a mother who beat them, left them for days on end, did drugs in fromt of them, and ignored them, who are to strung out to notice that you 5 year old is riding a bike in the middle of the street.
you also assume that if someone has a good upbringing then they will be a good mother, my cousin came form a loving and caring home, with parents that supported her, but she is by nature a selfish human being, who got pregnant young and should not have had a child, she would lock her son in a room, tell him she wished he had never been born and treats him badly. As much as my family and his grandparents tried to make his life better, as long as she has been involved he never felt really loved. He now hates her, he will not speak to her, and he has a lot of issues. Maybe if she had given him up either to her parents or even another family, he would have been better off, he wishes that he had been raised by someone else.

And there is such a thing as open adoption where the child can still see his bio. family.
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Old 08-23-2008, 07:58 PM
 
Location: Catonsville, MD
2,358 posts, read 5,990,805 times
Reputation: 1711
Dahlila -- I am sooooo happy for your friend that the 3rd test came back negative. Before I found out I was unable to get pregnant, I spent many years thinking I was (I mentioned in some earlier post about a pregnancy scare I had due to skipped periods - I basically kept EPT afloat during those 15 years that I skipped periods thinking I was constantly pregnant, despite protection.) So I understand the horror your friend felt, especially with the positive tests (I also had one of those that turned out to be false.) You're a great friend to seek information for her and to try to help her out.

I also want to apologize directly to you for the hijacking that went on in this thread. I do not like having to try to defend the choices my husband and I made when we found out, after many years trying to conceive, that I couldn't get pregnant. Everybody should have the right to parent if they so choose and there are SO many children who need homes, here and elsewhere. I just found I couldn't let the negative people say things without responding in some way (though I choose now not to respond to their spewing because it doesn't make any difference to them what any of us say.) I commend you for your desire to adopt foster children and for telling us your own personal story.

Again, I'm so happy for your friend!! Please remind her to be sure to be doubly protected next time! This scare will probably be a good warning for her.
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Old 08-23-2008, 08:07 PM
 
Location: Denver
109 posts, read 231,563 times
Reputation: 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by cmacf1 View Post
Dahlila -- I am sooooo happy for your friend that the 3rd test came back negative. Before I found out I was unable to get pregnant, I spent many years thinking I was (I mentioned in some earlier post about a pregnancy scare I had due to skipped periods - I basically kept EPT afloat during those 15 years that I skipped periods thinking I was constantly pregnant, despite protection.) So I understand the horror your friend felt, especially with the positive tests (I also had one of those that turned out to be false.) You're a great friend to seek information for her and to try to help her out.

I also want to apologize directly to you for the hijacking that went on in this thread. I do not like having to try to defend the choices my husband and I made when we found out, after many years trying to conceive, that I couldn't get pregnant. Everybody should have the right to parent if they so choose and there are SO many children who need homes, here and elsewhere. I just found I couldn't let the negative people say things without responding in some way (though I choose now not to respond to their spewing because it doesn't make any difference to them what any of us say.) I commend you for your desire to adopt foster children and for telling us your own personal story.

Again, I'm so happy for your friend!! Please remind her to be sure to be doubly protected next time! This scare will probably be a good warning for her.
Thank you for your kind words and your own personal story. I am certain she'll grow from this experience. I lived the same type of life that she was living, and it was her story along with many other factors that convinced me to change. I'll be there to slap her upside the head if it happens again
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Old 08-23-2008, 09:30 PM
 
3,191 posts, read 9,198,347 times
Reputation: 2204
Default relief

dahlila- what relief for you friend. Sometime young women will have skipped & irregular periods in the early years of thier periods. Mine would be regular, then late, then not. And it is especially always scary when one is sexually active and not taking precautions.

You certainly sound like a good friend! I hope you will encourage the other girl, and all that you know that if they choose to be sexually active to use precautions. No boy that 'truly' loves you will complain. Of course abstinance is free and foollproof
But may be easier said than done...

I too apologize for the posts that were not directly relevant to your question, and try as I did, I could not keep silent for a moment longer...the time came to 'speak; louder, I hope & think you understand. I'm glad it was taken care of....

blessings

(btw, dad says i'm worth every cent) LOL
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Old 08-23-2008, 09:37 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,223 posts, read 25,716,906 times
Reputation: 24105
open adoption
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Old 08-30-2008, 11:08 PM
 
Location: DTown
14 posts, read 33,887 times
Reputation: 31
Why adoption? Why abortion? If she's smart and healthy...this young, beautiful soon-to-be mom needs a family and friend intervention to discuss her options on raising her child, as God planned. She has her calling in life right now, though life. Support your friend and let her know you can help. If you can write about her, you can doante your time to make sure she goes through the next 9 months with full support and options. We live in a different world, where nothing is ever perfect. But, regret is a terrible thing that dosen't go away. So, don't let her regret this stage in her life. It's nothing but fear. I'm sure she can make it, with friends like you
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Old 10-09-2008, 11:59 AM
 
125 posts, read 381,838 times
Reputation: 77
Hi_I don't know if this will help but I have a thread going called " need help for pregnant teen" My daughter is 15 and is due January 27. There is a lot of valuable information in this thread, and a lot of people with good, common sense advise. As hard as it may seem, raising a baby at a young age can and has been done, many many times before. Of course there are other options and that decision can only be made by your friend. I would encourage her to talk to her parents, like us they will be disappointed and even angry at first, but in time things will get better. If she needs a parent to talk to- she can Pm me as well.
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Old 10-09-2008, 12:09 PM
 
Location: Purcell Trench
168 posts, read 673,933 times
Reputation: 94
Well, she has a couple of choices that she has to make: abort the child, go through with the pregnancy and give the child up for adoption, go through with the pregnancy and keep the child. It is truly up to the young lady, and she should be given a chance to choose her own pathway...since she originally chose to engage in unsafe sex out of wedlock.
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Old 10-09-2008, 02:56 PM
 
Location: THE USA
3,257 posts, read 6,137,356 times
Reputation: 1998
The thing about choosing your own pathway, is if she opts for #3 which is raise the baby, it almost always includes dragging her parents into it.

What if the parents do not want a part of this? Since the knocked up one is underage then she is still a minor and needs a guardian, what happens if the parents opt out of helping? Or does this not happen often enough for it to matter?

Quote:
Originally Posted by EJRuek View Post
Well, she has a couple of choices that she has to make: abort the child, go through with the pregnancy and give the child up for adoption, go through with the pregnancy and keep the child. It is truly up to the young lady, and she should be given a chance to choose her own pathway...since she originally chose to engage in unsafe sex out of wedlock.
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Old 10-09-2008, 03:10 PM
 
Location: Purcell Trench
168 posts, read 673,933 times
Reputation: 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by Taboo2 View Post
The thing about choosing your own pathway, is if she opts for #3 which is raise the baby, it almost always includes dragging her parents into it.

What if the parents do not want a part of this? Since the knocked up one is underage then she is still a minor and needs a guardian, what happens if the parents opt out of helping? Or does this not happen often enough for it to matter?
Excellent point. I agree. But you cannot force a person to give up a child. Since sixteen is the age of emancipation in most states (I believe), the parents have the option of legally renouncing her, don't they? I know that's a tough line, but she's the one who (hopefully knowing the consequences) went ahead and "did it anyway," without protection.

Now, here's where I'm going to get flamed.

As a parent of a teen in these modern times, I believe that, if we cannot provide constant chaperons to prevent promiscuity, then, those who are parents of daughters should force birth control with either the implants or "the pill."

Radical? I suppose, but it's better than two (and more) lives ruined and children raising children.
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