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My younger sister is 33. She just moved out to RI a few years ago after she was married.
She's been trying to get pregnant now for 5 years and I'm strongly considering on being a serrogate for her. I would actually do it in a heartbeat. She deserves it. She's struggled so long to be as successful as she is and they both want a child extremely bad.
She's now talking to her doctor about the possibilities.
How does this typically work?
Has anyone here been a serrogate before?
I have 2 teenage children and do not want to have any more children of my own, so psychologically I'd be able to handle it just knowing how much joy it will bring to my sister and her husband.
Last edited by Leilani Vasquez; 09-23-2008 at 11:56 AM..
Reason: after-thought
I commend you for doing such a loving, selfless act of kindness and generosity. Your sister is very lucky to have you! I went through infertility treatments myself (IVF). But I never needed a surrogate. I do know two women who have both been surrogate mothers twice (each).
They are both under the age of 30, have already had at least one child (with a non complicated pregnancy) and have both given birth to twin babies to two different couples. They both had to pass psychological testing to ensure they are of sound mind and body.
I know there were a series of additional tests, along with injectible medications to ensure the womb is prepared to receive embryo's. But that needs to be discussed through her doctor.
Once again, I commend you and g-d bless you for trying to help your sister out!!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leilani Vasquez
My younger sister is 33. She just moved out to RI a few years ago after she was married.
She's been trying to get pregnant now for 5 years and I'm strongly considering on being a serrogate for her. I would actually do it in a heartbeat. She deserves it. She's struggled so long to be as successful as she is and they both want a child extremely bad.
She's now talking to her doctor about the possibilities.
How does this typically work?
Has anyone here been a serrogate before?
I have 2 teenage children and do not want to have any more children.
wow, you are a very giving person. did she ask you to be her serogate? or is this something you have in mind?
maybe if they are doing IVF, let them try it and if it doesnt work, you step in?
wow, you are a very giving person. did she ask you to be her serogate? or is this something you have in mind?
maybe if they are doing IVF, let them try it and if it doesnt work, you step in?
She's been through IVF twice and it's not in their budget to do it again because it's very expensive.
She brought it up to me one day in a conversation and I told her I wouldn't think twice about doing something like that for her. She grew into tears when I told her that.
You must consider that anytime there is a pregnancy, there is a chance of a defective child. How would you feel if you gave birth to such a child? Would you raise it or would you expect your sister to take this burden off your hands?
And when it gets to those troublesome teen years, and she doesn't seem to be able to handle YOUR child, how are you going to feel? Will you be able to just turn your back on the situation?
It is YOUR child you know, you will carry it for nine months, you will go into labor and you will be the one that gives it life. That baby would be part of you always. If you can turn your back on all of that, then, it might work. I couldn't. Help her to see the value of adopting if she really wants to raise a child.
And there is a BIG difference in wanting a baby and wanting to raise a child.
Although this is very true (my own daughter is adopted through the miracle of domestic infant adoption) most people going through infertility treatments do NOT want to hear it. They don't want to talk about or appreciate people throwing adoption down their throats. In order for people to choose adoption, they must be 100% emotionally ready to go down that path. This may include giving up on infertility treatments, going to therapy, having enough funds, etc, etc.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SuSuSushi
There are many children desperately awaiting adoption. Please help her consider that avenue.
You must consider that anytime there is a pregnancy, there is a chance of a defective child. How would you feel if you gave birth to such a child? Would you raise it or would you expect your sister to take this burden off your hands?
And when it gets to those troublesome teen years, and she doesn't seem to be able to handle YOUR child, how are you going to feel? Will you be able to just turn your back on the situation?
It is YOUR child you know, you will carry it for nine months, you will go into labor and you will be the one that gives it life. That baby would be part of you always. If you can turn your back on all of that, then, it might work. I couldn't. Help her to see the value of adopting if she really wants to raise a child.
And there is a BIG difference in wanting a baby and wanting to raise a child.
I understand what you're getting at. This is something we've been talking about for a while. She's also my oldest's God Mother and has ALWAYS shown exceptional love for me and my family.
I know and understand the risks and so does she. She's not the type of person to hand a child off just because she couldn't handle the responsibility of the entire package. She's got a good head on her shoulders and is well aware of the outcome. Not to mention it's something she wants more than anything in the world.
I would NEVER EVER feel guilt, knowing that I'm able to give her something so precious.
Although this is very true (my own daughter is adopted through the miracle of domestic infant adoption) most people going through infertility treatments do NOT want to hear it. They don't want to talk about or appreciate people throwing adoption down their throats. In order for people to choose adoption, they must be 100% emotionally ready to go down that path. This may include giving up on infertility treatments, going to therapy, having enough funds, etc, etc.
I speak from experience. I was one of those women who was going through IVF cycles and did NOT want to hear about adoption. My sister used to tell me to think about all these poor Chinese baby girls who are desperately awaiting homes. She couldn't understand why I didn't want to hear it. Well, I wasn't ready or prepared to go down that route. I then went on to conceive my son through IVF.
But 5.5 years later, we wanted baby # 2. We briefly tried IVF, and it didn't work. So we immediately were open to adoption. From the time we sent in our birthmother letter to the time we took our daughter home was less than 3 months.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SuSuSushi
There are many children desperately awaiting adoption. Please help her consider that avenue.
You must consider that anytime there is a pregnancy, there is a chance of a defective child. How would you feel if you gave birth to such a child? Would you raise it or would you expect your sister to take this burden off your hands?
And when it gets to those troublesome teen years, and she doesn't seem to be able to handle YOUR child, how are you going to feel? Will you be able to just turn your back on the situation?
It is YOUR child you know, you will carry it for nine months, you will go into labor and you will be the one that gives it life. That baby would be part of you always. If you can turn your back on all of that, then, it might work. I couldn't. Help her to see the value of adopting if she really wants to raise a child.
And there is a BIG difference in wanting a baby and wanting to raise a child.
I'm assuming (and correct me if I'm wrong) that the egg would be the OP's sisters, and not the OP's. So although the OP's uterus would carry the child for 9 months, it is still biologically the sister's child, not the OP's. And I'm not sure what the chance of a defective child has to do with anything. Anytime there is a pregnancy, whether through surrogacy or not there is that chance.
And OP, I think it is wonderful that you are thinking of being a surrogate for your sister. What a gift you would be giving her.
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