How to help out a friend who seems reluctant to take any advice? (boyfriend, complex)
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I think everyone agrees she needs help but the problem is you can't force a person to get help for their alcohol or drug issue.
If she's drinking and driving you can call the Police. That is the right and responsible thing to do. She doesn't have to know who called. It might get her attention, a run in with the law can be a sobering wake up call.
OP, your friend does need help and you can suggest AA and be her sponsor. The problem though, possibly, is while you only drink excessively on occasion, by you telling her you'll stop drinking isn't fair to you unless you feel you have a problem too (I didn't get that feeling though). Once she's in AA, assuming she'll go, she has to disconnect from everyone. So if she's living with people who drink, it's going to be a huge obstacle for her. Everyone has to agree to no alcohol in the house. If you all go out, either no one drinks or she just simply has to stay away from bars. Even restaurants can be difficult. I know quite a few people who have gone through this. They sometimes don't even come to my house for a gathering because of the alcohol and they've been sober for 10+ years. She's young. Try to get her help now before it gets worse. Before someone dies.
This weekend she went to the bar and got blackout drunk, then left presumably to go home. Well, she didn't make it home, instead she woke up in some random person's apartment. Luckily nothing happened to her (apparently he saw her sitting on the side of the road, talked to her, offered to let her crash at his place instead of leaving her there)... but she could have just as easily run into some scumbag.
"Luckily nothing happened to her", How would she know if she blacked out?
Because shes still alive hes a good samaritan, not a scumbag?
I'd sit her down during her sober moment and explain to her that I will not sit passively by while she gets behind the wheel drunk. Period! Hopefully you aren't doing the same when you drink and I would not drink with her. You cannot control her actions but YOU can make a few decisions in the interests of your friendship, your concern for others on the road and hopefully your own integrity.
The sad thing about this is that in a lot, if not most, of the cases the onw who's killed is the innocent/sober one.
As many have already said, she has to get the help on her own, you can't force her. The only thing you could do to support her would be to stop drinking and/or going to bars with her. She's lucky that guy did not rape her ( or so she thinks) or kill her, but luck does not last forever.
this whole damn thing has me frustrated. i don't know why I even bother trying, 99% of the time people just get upset with you when all you're tryin to do is be a good friend.
First, she has to sincerely want help and want to quit drinking.
After that, she will need a LOT of help because the urge and familiarity of drinking will bring her back. Also, if she is drinking heavily, regularly, she may have to struggle through a bad detox.
For one, I would not encourage, promote, or enable the drinking. Do things with her away from bars and clubs. Don't have alcohol readily available at your place for her. When you would go to bars, go somewhere else instead (shows, movies, sports, museums, parks, etc).
Encourage her to get help to overcome the problem. However, don't push or nag her. She will submit if she really is ready to embrace the help.
Also, be emotionally prepared yourself for her to fail to seek help, or accept it.
I never drank as bad as her, but I did have a drinking problem which I often felt I wanted to quit but deep down, never really had the drive to do so. Once I did, I stopped and never took a sip again. Before then, all my attempts to stop were brief, and failed.
this whole damn thing has me frustrated. i don't know why I even bother trying, 99% of the time people just get upset with you when all you're tryin to do is be a good friend.
The reason they get upset is because they don't think they have a problem. Until they admit they have problems nothing will change and they will get defensive when confronted.
As I and others have said, you can't make her change. They only thing you can do is not party with her and make sure she doesn't drive while drunk.
Good luck. Someone with an addiction problem can suck the life out of the people around them, so just make sure you don't fall into being an enabler.
this whole damn thing has me frustrated. i don't know why I even bother trying, 99% of the time people just get upset with you when all you're tryin to do is be a good friend.
She'll emotionally drain you if you can't turn it off.
I think everyone agrees she needs help but the problem is you can't force a person to get help for their alcohol or drug issue.
If she's drinking and driving you can call the Police. That is the right and responsible thing to do. She doesn't have to know who called. It might get her attention, a run in with the law can be a sobering wake up call.
I was going to suggest that too, Martin. Get her license plate # while she's at home and when you know she's out drinking and coming home, call the police and give them the car description and her license #. She won't know you called and don't tell anyone not even your other roommate.
She needs professional help and you or your roommate can talk and talk and she won't listen. It's way beyond that now. She's addicted to alcohol and needs more then what both of you can give her.
Don't waste your time trying to talk her into not drinking. Find an AA chapter and give her the #. It's up to her now.
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