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I agree. Self esteem doesn't make everything go away or will make people like you
I see in your thread people said "work on your self esteem" as if liking your darker skin is going to make men want you. LOL. I never had a problem with my darker skin & it's not gotten me anywhere, so again, I agree it's not going to make people suddenly like you...Forget about self esteem: I think you should learn to like your darker skin simply b/c it's the only one you have and see no point in trying to hate it.
I think it only really matters if it is too low or non excistant because that leads the person to accept things they don't deserve and make really bad choices. I have a friend who is always in terrible situations with men usually because of her low self esteem. I also think it is nice to be confident, but it can make you seem like a jerk sometimes. Its great to think highly of yourself, as long as you dont think your the only one who matters and disregard peoples feelings.
At its core are the boundaries you set that guide 1)What you are willing or not willing to do to achieve a desired objective 2)How you allow others to treat you.
These two factors will determine a lot about: 1)Who your friends are 2) Who you marry 3) Who you date 4) How you treat your immediate family 5)How you treat your extended family and friends 6)How you treat yourself; i.e., will you prepare yourself for success in life, or will you cut and run and turn to a life of slacking and loafing all the while extoling the "virtue" of "non-materialistic" lifestyle (please note: There are people who have acquired the tools for success, made use of them and now have decided to live a simpler life--this is not directed at them) Self-esteem has less to do with HOW MUCH money you have. It has more to do with: 1) Are you WISE with the money you do have? 2)What are you will to do to have money? Are you willing to break the law?
All these things I've mentioned are also tied to:
1)Your reputation in your community 2)How you mentor and parent children--your own and others' 3)Whether you will be able to provide for your children, or will you leave a legacy of poverty and more low self-esteem based life choices made by your progeny. 4)Whether you will be able to live a life not controlled by the penal/corrections system.
For those of you, (like me) who enjoy analyzing patterns--perhaps you are beginning to see my point that self-esteem or lack of it has a tremendous ripple effect in YOUR life and the lives around you that you affect.
A healthy sense of self-esteem is key to knowing how to make mistakes or accept defeat gracefully, avoid being victimized or taken advantage of, and live comfortably with yourself. Someone who has self-esteem is just going to be happier than someone who doesn't. That's not to say that self-esteem solves every problem or makes life a bed of roses. But it does give you the motivation to solve your problems, take care of your mind and your body, and protect yourself from those who would abuse you.
Doll Eyes, you talk about how all of the men you've dated have done bad things to you. You now say you see no value in self-esteem. Has it ever occurred to you that the two are related?
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, it is what it is.
