Angry people how can you tell when you are dealing with them (addiction, passive)

[maddog1]

How can you tell if someone has an anger problem? Is this something that tends to be harder to hide when someone is drinking? And conversely , would pot smoking , for example , mellow someone out?What cures anger - love? And if that is the case , how long does it take to heal anger? I know there are hostile passive aggressives out there but what other types of anger problems do people have?

[second right]

I believe anger is fear turned outward. Certainly, imo, the use alcohol or other substances can exacerbate anger as well as a lot of other feelings.

[Ulysses61]

What cures anger - love? And if that is the case , how long does it take to heal anger?

There will literally be a million different answers for this because anger (or any emotion) is an individual thing. Your question is unanswerable because it's way, way too general. One size doesn't fit all.

[looking4answers12]

Love doesn't cure anger. Anger isn't difficult to spot. Alchohol can make anger worse, but not always. Some angry people are mean drunks, some are not. Some become more jovial when they are drunk. My dad wasn't a mean drunk, he was meaner when he was sober.

He stopped drinking which was good. He didn't get any nicer though, that wasn't so good.

He did mellow for a few years after my mother died. But now sometimes he seems to be as angry and mean tempered as ever.

What's the cure for anger. I wish I knew. I do know that we can't cure other people. People have to want to cure themselves.

[Exitus Acta Probat]

Originally Posted by second right

I believe anger is fear turned outward. Certainly, imo, the use alcohol or other substances can exacerbate anger as well as a lot of other feelings.

I'm an angry person. My anger is a result of frustration, rather than fear. Everybody disappoints me, and so I tend to generally be angry.

[LoveWisdom]

Originally Posted by maddog1

How can you tell if someone has an anger problem? Is this something that tends to be harder to hide when someone is drinking? And conversely , would pot smoking , for example , mellow someone out?What cures anger - love? And if that is the case , how long does it take to heal anger? I know there are hostile passive aggressives out there but what other types of anger problems do people have?

I think there could be two issues here: anger as a "hot temper reaction" and anger as a "negative attitute towards the world at large because of bad experiences with the world".

Anger arises when a person is displeased. It's a reaction of a person to something he does not like or when something doesn't go his way.

Love is when you do anything to please the person. So love is a way of counteracting anger. But not healing anger.

Because anger is simply a reaction to something displeasing.

You can't HEAL anger (aka "hot temper"). But since anger is a reaction to displeasure, you can change your reaction to displeasure and replace it with something other than strong anger. But it's very difficult to do. And requires a great amount of motivation. And that's why most people don't like to change it. It's like dealing with addiction. It's too hard to change your reactions to things.

Anger management is when people learn different ways to CHANGE the way they react to being displeased. Some people say: just squueze the ball very hard when you are displeased...


You can be safe around an angry person if you KNOW what pleases them and try to do that thing that pleases them and that way you will diminish their anger. NEVER be angry when the other person is angry. Because it's like fighting fire with fire. It will only make the fire bigger.

But anger (aka: bad attitute towards the world at large because of too many bad experiences) can be "healed". So if some people keep encountering bad stuff, they become angry with the rest of the world. In order to make them less angry overall towards all the world, they would have to encounter people who please them, make them happy. Overtime, they will learn that NOT all the world is bad and overtime they will become less angry overall (in this way). But if they had a problem with hot temper, that problem may still stay with them because it's another issue.

[looking4answers12]

Originally Posted by Exitus Acta Probat

I'm an angry person. My anger is a result of frustration, rather than fear. Everybody disappoints me, and so I tend to generally be angry.

I think somebody posted a link in another CD sub forum that talks about how one source of anger is frustration due to unrealistic expectations. Do you think that might apply to you?

[Exitus Acta Probat]

Originally Posted by looking4answers12

I think somebody posted a link in another CD sub forum that talks about how one source of anger is frustration due to unrealistic expectations. Do you think that might apply to you?

Yes.

[katie45]

Met a neighbor who 'seemed' to have a low-key personality; we went to lunch one day and he drove. That was a true eye-opener! His anger was very obvious as he bad mouthed other drivers, tail gated, etc., you get the picture. Guess it's true that our true personalities can emerge while behind the wheel.

That was the first/last time I went anywhere with him....no thanks!

[CArizona]

These days it seems normal to "vent" and complain all the time. Or normal to play "poor me" etc...Everyone "compares notes" about all the things that have "gone wrong" in their lives. Or how they were "picked-on" and treated unfairly...This creates a "negative vortex" and "fuels" a lot of anger. Self-pity revolves around anger...Everyone sings "Somebody did me wrong" kind of songs. And the atmosphere is filled with "outrage" and anger and blame etc...Anyone who gets stuck in self-pity or the "victim mentality" is walking around with a lot of anger...It's all about "who" did them "wrong!" And "who" should "pay" for "screwing them over" etc..We all face "ups" and "downs" in life and disappointments and set-backs and even "losses" and unfairness at times. The world isn't perfect. People make mistakes. We make mistakes and "errors in judgement" ourselves...How can we cope with a world that isn't always perfect or fair? What can we do to "weather" the "storms?" (Besides just "venting" and complaining or playing "poor me?")...Can we "rise up" and meet the challenges and obstacles "head-on?" And try to be a "hero" to ourselves?...Or are we just going to sit around and "feel sorry" for ourselves and "play victim" and "pollute" the air and atmosphere with our non-stop anger and negativity?....This is what I ask myself when I get in a "funk." (And in a "down" or "bad" mood.) I ask myself how long I plan to pout and sulk like a kid...Do I plan to "feel sorry" for myself and "stay mad" forever and ever? Or can I find a way to process my feelings and try to solve my problems like an adult?