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To "forgive those who have trespassed against us" is the true meaning of charity, for it requires us to give up ourselves - it is the essence of selflessness, the greatest of all virtues. Nothing is more difficult, and few can make the sacrifice. To truly forgive someone is to put others before yourself despite all the enmity that divides you. Only then can man live in brotherhood with his fellow man.
i cant think of a tonne of more worthy examples of selflesness than forgiving whatever monster scarred you
going to war and dieing for your country
working three jobs so your kids can go to school
donating large amounts of money to the less fortunate
all depends on how grieviously you were hurt by someone , most people never find themselves on the recieving end of serious psychological damage , some things cannot be forgiven as they change you so profoundly , its why revenge acts of murder occur , many people more than deserve what they get , not to say the one who takes revenge should not face punishment
I had to come back and revisit this post. It's so incredibly true. Thanks for sharing these words of wisdom. Yes, something things simply "change" you. There's no going back
Recently, a young woman opened up to me about something terrible which happened in her life. Some people might think this is trivial, I do not. Over the last several months, occasions have popped up where friends approached her for help. She put everything she had into helping these people, with baby showers, weddings, etc. She was so committed to these people that she actually ended up losing out on a job opening, because she was already committed to being there for "her friends", people she thought had been her friends since childhood.
At the last occasion, she felt a coldness from "her friends", but put it off as simply the busy-ness of the affair. She left shortly after the "affair", because everyone was getting pretty tipsy and yes, the coldness was still there. Someone who was at the occasion sent her a message, letting her know that her "friends" started bashing her as soon as she left, right down to saying that they never even really considered her a friend, they just felt bad for her and that's why they associated with her.
I realize that alcohol was involved with these people, but those words changed this young woman for life. Not only will she never fully believe someone again, when they say they're her friend, but her past has been changed as well. This young woman had many fond memories from her childhood. She laughed with these people, held them when they cried. They vented to her, they came to her for help...many times, including homework help in college, sharing notes, etc. They could always count on her, because she thought they were her friends. Now, how many of those memories are actually TRUE memories and which ones were false. If every time they pretended to be her "friend", they were simply "feeling bad for her", how do you reconcile those two things in your head. It means that every "good" memory was a lie. It changes everything. It changes YOU...your past AND future....everything.
beachmel...Sad that your friend got the "shaft" from her friends after all she did to help them and "be there" for them etc...I ended-up getting the "shaft" early in life by two so-called best friends. I became part of one friend's "group." (Girls that grew-up in her neighborhood.) On the surface they all seemed pretty friendly. I had no reason to question them. I was pretty naive back then! (And trusting and gullible etc.)...Anyway I became the "scapegoat" and the "brunt" of "jokes" one too many times and I finally pulled away...Through the years I came to the realization that a lot of people are walking around with "old baggage" from their past and this affects how they treat people in their life today. This is not an excuse for "mean behavior." But knowing this helps me avoid taking everything so "personally."
I think we're all "molded" and "shaped" by the events in our lives. But I'm a rebel when it comes to handing anyone "ultimate power" and "ultimate authority" over my self-esteem today.. It might take me awhile to recover from my "losses" and "set-backs" and disappointments in life...If someone "kicks me around" and betrays my confidence and trust I might be "stunned" for awhile. And need time to process all of my feelings and "heal" my "wounds." But by golly in the end I'm going to reclaim my self-esteem and stand tall and proud again!...No way do I want to serve as a "product" of someone else's "creation." I belong to myself! I'm not going to let someone else "control" or "own me" for life!...I've been this way since I was a kid. When my Dad has periodic rage-attacks and screamed hateful things at me and my Mother I used to tell myself that my Dad was the one who had problems not me! I put up stronger and stronger "boundaries" and made a vow to never let anyone "define me."....Every now and then I get hit by an unexpected "curve ball" and I go "down" for awhile. But I refuse to "stay down!" I'm the "little engine" who will always make it back up the hill and beyond!...I'm just too much of a rebel to let people "define me" or "control me" for long.
All depends on the nature and frequency of the offense. Some things are unforgiveable, but only you can make that call.
The thing about forgiveness is that YOU get to define it and apply your own terms to it. If you want to define it as letting go of your anger and hatred, then call it that. Often times, forgiveness is not so much for them as much as it is for you. Too often people feel that by forgiving someone you just let them off the hook and get away with a tremendous injustice and excused their behavior. When in fact, you can use forgiveness as a form of acceptance, and then, you can move forward. Until you can forgive, you're stuck carrying your anger and resentment around and that person gets to occupy a rent free space in your head.
beachmel...Sad that your friend got the "shaft" from her friends after all she did to help them and "be there" for them etc...I ended-up getting the "shaft" early in life by two so-called best friends. I became part of one friend's "group." (Girls that grew-up in her neighborhood.) On the surface they all seemed pretty friendly. I had no reason to question them. I was pretty naive back then! (And trusting and gullible etc.)...Anyway I became the "scapegoat" and the "brunt" of "jokes" one too many times and I finally pulled away...Through the years I came to the realization that a lot of people are walking around with "old baggage" from their past and this affects how they treat people in their life today. This is not an excuse for "mean behavior." But knowing this helps me avoid taking everything so "personally."
Thanks so much CA. I think the biggest thing of it is this....now she knows. She's the kind of person who's not going to end up being a bitter person, but it's going to make it a whole lot easier for her to say no to people now, you know what I mean. Before all of this, she could never tell anyone, "I'm sorry. I just can't". She put everything in her own life on hold, in order to not disappoint anyone. Now...I think she's realized that never saying no, is no guarantee that people will like or respect you. She's just wiser now CA. She'll never be quite as trusting or gullible, but hopefully, she'll come out a better person because of it.
All depends on the nature and frequency of the offense. Some things are unforgiveable, but only you can make that call.
The thing about forgiveness is that YOU get to define it and apply your own terms to it. If you want to define it as letting go of your anger and hatred, then call it that. Often times, forgiveness is not so much for them as much as it is for you. Too often people feel that by forgiving someone you just let them off the hook and get away with a tremendous injustice and excused their behavior. When in fact, you can use forgiveness as a form of acceptance, and then, you can move forward. Until you can forgive, you're stuck carrying your anger and resentment around and that person gets to occupy a rent free space in your head.
all that involves changing , if an offender has forced you to change , they have beaten you , thats why a major gesture is nesscessery to even things out , major
I think we're all "molded" and "shaped" by the events in our lives. But I'm a rebel when it comes to handing anyone "ultimate power" and "ultimate authority" over my self-esteem today.. It might take me awhile to recover from my "losses" and "set-backs" and disappointments in life...If someone "kicks me around" and betrays my confidence and trust I might be "stunned" for awhile. And need time to process all of my feelings and "heal" my "wounds." But by golly in the end I'm going to reclaim my self-esteem and stand tall and proud again!...No way do I want to serve as a "product" of someone else's "creation." I belong to myself! I'm not going to let someone else "control" or "own me" for life!...I've been this way since I was a kid. When my Dad has periodic rage-attacks and screamed hateful things at me and my Mother I used to tell myself that my Dad was the one who had problems not me! I put up stronger and stronger "boundaries" and made a vow to never let anyone "define me."....Every now and then I get hit by an unexpected "curve ball" and I go "down" for awhile. But I refuse to "stay down!" I'm the "little engine" who will always make it back up the hill and beyond!...I'm just too much of a rebel to let people "define me" or "control me" for long.
my dad made me feel like nothing while growing up , i started to become strong and confident around the age of sixteen and by twenty , was a fiercley independant and determined charechter , unfortunatley i went overseas at that time and a toxic charechter of monstrous measure entered my life and ripped apart all the good work i had done the previous number of years, a person who grows up with an unloving parent can be strong but they always have an achilles heel , they are always fragile, they have no inherent unconditional self esteem , as such they are breakable , people can withstand one destructive figure in their life , they cannot withstand two
In "The Lord’s Prayer" to forgive others’ trespasses is prerequisite to the forgiveness of our own. In this world, to grant pardon is the prerogative of Princes. Beyond the pale of temporal power, to possess a forgiving nature is the mark of magnanimity, which is the principal characteristic of a superior individual. And, for us lesser mortals, to be able to shrug off offenses would make one, if not a philosopher, at least a better person.
In "The Lord’s Prayer" to forgive others’ trespasses is prerequisite to the forgiveness of our own. In this world, to grant pardon is the prerogative of Princes. Beyond the pale of temporal power, to possess a forgiving nature is the mark of magnanimity, which is the principal characteristic of a superior individual. And, for us lesser mortals, to be able to shrug off offenses would make one, if not a philosopher, at least a better person.
Most people have heard, "Forgive, lest ye not be forgiven". Sadly, some people hold grudges for the smallest little things, even perceived things. One needs to be careful of throwing that phrase around though. It is wrong to terrorize an emotionally bleeding and scarred person with a threat of that magnitude.
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