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The thing about denial is people are IN denial, so how would they know it?
It's the one who isn't in denial in the family that the rest of the family shun:
So where do we begin?
I sort of think, that moving forward in life, is better than reliving the past...if someone is in "denial" about abuse...well, it must have been pretty bad. So, what is the point of going over the past? The real issue, is to deal with the present, and how your behavior impacts your life, because that is the "here and now"...going over the past won't change anything, and people need to learn how their actions affect their current life now. And go forward from there...There is nothing really wrong with denial, as a defense mechanism. I also wonder about the ethics of deep psychotherapy, and the have concerns about false memories.
I have a cousin, who is schitzophrenic. She is mentally ill, and at a point, where she can't take care of herself. Sadly. She has graphic memories and details of childhood abuse. Half of our family believes her, the other half of the family thinks she is crazy. I don't take a "side"...I just know that she is my cousin, and I love her very much, and support her, and hope that she is better someday. That does not mean I don't believe her, or do believe her...I just want her to be in a better place...which brings up the issue, why would some people have denial as a defense mechanism, and others do not?
Basically I operate from the premise that I could be in denial about aspects of myself and my life at any point in time. I don't think that I am immune from being in denial...I tend to question my behavior and my possible motives for "doing something" or "avoiding something" on a regular basis. (It helps me get to know and understand myself better.)...I know I may have a lot of denial at times when it comes to my son's brain tumors and his prognosis for the future. Sometimes I "face" my fears about possibly "losing him" at some point. But at other times it feels best to stay positive and hopeful about his condition and future.
I found the article on rehabilitation and denial very interesting. I work with folks who are disabled and they do have "denial" to some extent...which is fine. I don't see it to be my job to confront them about their disability. But rather work with the person from where they are...one man continued to tell me we were wasting time...because he was going to have surgery and be fine. That is okay. I told him we were just going to do stuff to improve his current situation until that happened. He was cooperative then...everyone else said he was not "ready" for rehabilitation...true....but he was not going to get better. So leaving him in a chair until he was "ready" did not seem therapeutic to me.
There is NO SUCH thing as denial! This is NOT a defense mechanism!
(Sorry, I could not resist )
Seriously, I frequently see this on the internet where people can comment on news stories (reality). Some people have difficulty facing the truth - live in a world of TV and fantasy.
I found the article on rehabilitation and denial very interesting. I work with folks who are disabled and they do have "denial" to some extent...which is fine. I don't see it to be my job to confront them about their disability. But rather work with the person from where they are...one man continued to tell me we were wasting time...because he was going to have surgery and be fine. That is okay. I told him we were just going to do stuff to improve his current situation until that happened. He was cooperative then...everyone else said he was not "ready" for rehabilitation...true....but he was not going to get better. So leaving him in a chair until he was "ready" did not seem therapeutic to me.
Thanks for the post.
As you mentioned some people have to be ready to deal with something, and it is up to them (as in your cousin's situation).
I think it is dangerous to make assumptions when dealing with people with issues, sometimes denial is a survival mechanism for some people.
In the media we see a lot of "blame the victim" mentality, which is a regressive form of blame, imo.
Some people also use "projection" in that they prefer to deflect everything onto someone else, instead of examining themselves.
I find myself scanning this forum a lot lately, because of my recent experience with a woman who may have a personality disorder. She has struggled through life, and at 52 years of age, she and I are the only two people in the world who know that she is privately tormented and severely dysfunctional. She can only communicate by email. She's afraid to meet in person or talk on the phone out of fear that the topic will come up and she will be unable to confront it.
I sent her an email last week telling her that she likely has been struggling with an undiagnosed personality disorder, and she didn't respond. She is in deep denial, floating through life as if nothing is wrong, while she exists in a state of quiet desperation. She lashed out at me by email, a rant that seemed to target an imaginary abusive man she struggles with rather than me personality. It was pure denial and a defense mechanism.
Aside from the sexual abuse that she sustained when she was a child, she likely has a history of abusive relationships. Just a shattered individual. It's quite sad. No woman should ever have to be subjected to any kind of abuse.
Child sexual abuse means damage for life. It's not because the abuse is no longer going on, that the person can live a happy, productive life. Once the "spirit' of a person is broken, there is no fix...such people struggle and struggle ...most never find a happy life and decent career and it's not for lack of trying... the feeling of worthlessness is too overwhelming and no amount of love and caring can take it away. Of course not everyone experiences this to the same degree.
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