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1 - One people will find any excuse to be jerks.
2- Some people are just jerks no matter what.
3- Sometimes parents do get distracted and forget their manners. That doesn't necessarily make them jerks. Just overhwelmed, sometimes thoughtless, but not necessarily jerks.
4 - No, the world does not revolve around you, but it isn't unrealistic to expect some courtesy sometimes. But it's also good to be understanding and understand exactly who your friends are and what their limits are. If you can't handle an easily distracted friend, then don't be friends with someone like that. It happens.
5 - Sorry for all the numbers. Not sure why I needed to do that today. Maybe it's helping me to stay focused and not be distracted by my kids (kidding).
Sometimes people use facebook/myspace etc as an escape from the instanity in their lives. It's not beyond comprehension that a person might get caught up in surfing the net, or fooling around in the social networking sites and completely forget their commitments. Again. it happens.
It's up to you to figure out how important your friendship is to these people and if the friendship is worth maintaining. Sometimes when people have kids, they do get wrapped up in all kid related things and forget that their is a world beyond their little family. I lost touch with a few friends when my kids were younger. I have since reconnected with a few of them. Fortunately for me, we were all in the same boat and we all seem to understand that life just got hectic and now we have a little more time for our own interested again.
If you can't handle being friends with people who have kids. Find friends who don't. You might find that some of them are jerks as well. I wonder what their excuses will be!
1 - One people will find any excuse to be jerks.
2- Some people are just jerks no matter what.
3- Sometimes parents do get distracted and forget their manners. That doesn't necessarily make them jerks. Just overhwelmed, sometimes thoughtless, but not necessarily jerks.
4 - No, the world does not revolve around you, but it isn't unrealistic to expect some courtesy sometimes. But it's also good to be understanding and understand exactly who your friends are and what their limits are. If you can't handle an easily distracted friend, then don't be friends with someone like that. It happens.
5 - Sorry for all the numbers. Not sure why I needed to do that today. Maybe it's helping me to stay focused and not be distracted by my kids (kidding).
Sometimes people use facebook/myspace etc as an escape from the instanity in their lives. It's not beyond comprehension that a person might get caught up in surfing the net, or fooling around in the social networking sites and completely forget their commitments. Again. it happens.
It's up to you to figure out how important your friendship is to these people and if the friendship is worth maintaining. Sometimes when people have kids, they do get wrapped up in all kid related things and forget that their is a world beyond their little family. I lost touch with a few friends when my kids were younger. I have since reconnected with a few of them. Fortunately for me, we were all in the same boat and we all seem to understand that life just got hectic and now we have a little more time for our own interested again.
If you can't handle being friends with people who have kids. Find friends who don't. You might find that some of them are jerks as well. I wonder what their excuses will be!
I have a good handful of friends with kids. Apparently you didn't read my very last post! (How convenient.)
I had some other stuff written here, but I'm just going to let it go....You're clearly seeing what you want to see.
Anyone with eyes can see from my OP that what I described is NOT run-of-the-mill busy mom stuff. They did some very petty things, using their kids as lame excuses.
Last edited by MSPLove; 07-12-2012 at 01:22 AM..
Reason: not worth it
I have two friends..well in reality acquaintances now because of this type of behavior. I am a mother but only have one child which I get a lot of guff about. The whole, "Well you only have one child, you have no idea what its like...." Well guess what? I had one child for a reason.
My one friend has 4 kids and she pretty much expects the world to work around her. Everything is..."I can't do that! I have 4 kids!" She will take her children places she shouldn't, they act up, tear up the place and again its the whole, "well I got 4 kids." We used to talk on the phone a lot but I couldnt take it anymore. Her kids screaming in the background, her letting them interrupt her on a constant basis and so forth. She both uses her children as a excuse and also a meal ticket. She has been married multiple times and always seems to get pregnant either before getting married and right afterwards. In fact during one of her divorces, she was pregnant by new guy. She is on her 4th marriage right now. She did get pregnant but lost the baby. I wish she would stop breeding.
The other "friend" has 3 kids. She complains on Facebook everyday about them. They are driving her crazy, they messed up the house, one of them is sick....and so on. You would think she hates being a mother. I put her hide because I got tired of her posts. The attitude does get tiresome. But I agree with other posts. These two women I know, were both bitchy before ever having kids. The self entitlement attitude.
I have two friends..well in reality acquaintances now because of this type of behavior. I am a mother but only have one child which I get a lot of guff about. The whole, "Well you only have one child, you have no idea what its like...." Well guess what? I had one child for a reason.
I don't have kids yet myself, but I've actually heard first-hand from parents that "only" children are actually HARDER than two or three. Because two or three kids can entertain each other.
And when I do have kids, I will NOT be spending a lot of time on social networking I can tell you that right now. I've done extended babysitting for friends & relatives before, for a couple weeks at a time, and I don't see how parents have the time. Truthfully, most of my friends with kids DON'T. Just a couple of "special cases" need the daily attention.
I don't have kids yet myself (and when I do, I will NOT be spending a lot of time on social networking I can tell you that right now... I've done extended babysitting for friends & relatives before, for a couple weeks at a time, and I don't see how they have the time... and truthfully, most of my friends with DON'T. Just a couple special cases.)
But I've actually heard first-hand from parents that only children are actually HARDER than two or three. Because two or three kids can entertain each other.
I can't say for sure since I only have one child but yes, I had to entertain him quite a bit. Even now as a teenager I get "Im borrred." lol. I have tried to instill that one needs to enjoy their own company. I have known many people that are terrified of being alone. I think that is unhealthy. What's kind of funny is the two women I talked about in my post, are women I knew when all 3 of us were single, unmarried and worked together. So it is a bit disheartening to know that after so many years the friendships have died out. Both of these women were super gaga about having babies. Its ALL they talked about when we were single. The whole fairy tale crap. I actually wasn't so sure I wanted kids. I kept thinking about all the responsibility, worried if I would be a good mom and so forth. In all honesty, I think I actually enjoy motherhood the most out of the 3 of us. Maybe because I didnt have unrealistic expectations. I dunno.
My observation would be that many women who have raised children seem to have a very difficult time, dropping the Mommy-of-dependent-children role after their children become young adults, and deal with other adults on a peer level again. I think it shows up significantly when a woman who hasn't made this transition tries to help an ill adult. In my experience they immediately resort to the Mommy role, which is totally in appropriate with most adults.
I have a two married friends who are at this stage of their lives. One has had both of her children move to Australia, and she seems to have relinquinshed the Mommy identification - with only a little difficulty. My best friend is in the same stage of family life, and she is having a terrible time being an adult who is not a Mommy first, and is doing everything to keep her two kids at home. And she is still "reporting" on them all the time as if they were still kids needing her constant attention - they aren't and they don't. She seems desperate to continue being Mommy.
I have a good handful of friends with kids. Apparently you didn't read my very last post! (How convenient.)
I had some other stuff written here, but I'm just going to let it go....You're clearly seeing what you want to see.
Anyone with eyes can see from my OP that what I described is NOT run-of-the-mill busy mom stuff. They did some very petty things, using their kids as lame excuses.
I admit, I do sometimes skim when I read posts in forums. But, I'm pretty sure I got the jist of the OP.
Aparently, by the looks of your reply, you missed some of the things that I wrote too.
That being said. It's very possible that she was just making up lame exuses and using her kids as an excuse. Hey. Maybe she just doesn't like you and doesn't have the courage to just straight up tell you that!
Confrontational needy people aren't everyones cup of tea.
Can't paint all Moms with the same brush. Some are jerks and were prior to having kids. Some are not jerks at all. This is true of all people including the childfree. Some are jerks and some are not. IMO, the presence or absence of kids in one's life isn't the determining factor in jerkhood.
Some people may argue that this belongs in the Parenting forum, but I disagree. I think this is the correct forum. Because I'm interested in the psychological aspect behind it. Not to mention, I think posting it in the Parenting forum would open the topic up for a LOT of unnecessary drama, if you know what I mean.
Here is a good example of what I'm referring to. A few years ago on MySpace (yeah it was a while ago), I sent a friend with two small children a message. It was concerning a medical issue that we BOTH have. It's a woman's issue. So, to many people, it would be considered a "TMI" post. lol
On MySpace, if some of you remember, whenever someone read your message, you knew about it, because you could go into your SENT folder and see a little "read" status next to it, if they had clicked on it.
So I know she read it. But she continued to post bulletins, take surveys, complain about her husband, etc etc. for a few DAYS. Finally, I sent her a message saying (in so many words), "Hey, I see you've had to time to partake in MySpace for a few days and you still haven't responded to my message, what gives?" (I was more articulate and polite than that, but you get the point. She was being called out... deservedly.) Well, in response, she sends a long, haughty message back (note here that she also had plenty of time to write me a long haughty message! lol), basically giving me a very sarcastic sorry and talking about how hard it is with two kids and the world doesn't revolve around me (who doesn't have children).
Um.... she had been goofing around on MySpace for days at that point. She had the time. I don't care WHAT she says.
Looking back, we had been friends in middle school and had reconnected recently on MySpace. That post would've freaked her out when we were in middle school, with all the TMI medical stuff... even though she has the exact same condition that I do. I assumed because we shared the issue and we were both adult women that she wouldn't see it as a big deal. But it was only in retrospect that I realized that the message had, in fact, made her very uncomfortable and she hadn't matured as much as I had thought. (I guess I should've been able to figure that out from how she dragged her husband's name through the mud daily, but anyway...)
EXAMPLE 2:
Fairly recently, on Facebook (back in March), I invited a friend to an independent movie. It wasn't a widely distributed movie you could see anywhere. It was playing in some very select cities in smaller theaters. I asked a friend if she'd like to go, because she was pretty much the only person I knew of who was a fan of this comedy team (the people who made this movie). She said she'd like to, but give her a week or so to see if she could get her mom to watch her kid.
Well, it's a few days before the movie, a couple weeks later. (Three days before, I believe.) I had not pestered her during that time whatsoever. She gave me the time frame, and I accepted that. I know she's a mom, and I know she's busy.
I message her very early in the morning (like 5 a.m. because that's when I get up sometimes). No answer, all day long, and I see her interacting on Facebook all day... maybe not with as much fervor as she usually does, but I see her.
I'm not dumb. I know very well at this point she's not going. But I'm just waiting for her to be courteous, and send me a message saying so. All day long... nothing. (I'm thinking, "Seriously, woman, just grow some t**s and do the right thing. I get so tired of people like that.)
So that night, right after I see her post something, I post the question directly on her WALL.
"You going? I sent you a message."
She answers back immediately, because she knows she's caught, "Sooo sorry, baby is sick, I'll let you know, but I don't think so."
??? lol Okay, whatever. Kid was born in September 2010 and she posts stuff about her daily. That was the first and last time I've known her to be that sick. She's a sturdy little kid, actually.
I delete the message from her wall and move on. Meanwhile, for damage control, she posts a pic of her child napping (from "being so sick") as an attempt at a guilt trip (didn't work). She also posts a picture on Instagram of people at the movies, and she writes "zzzz"..... as if the concept is boring to her. Very shady.
Well, anyway, I was about to go to the movie by myself (which I never mind doing), until I remembered at the last minute that a cousin was a fan of the filmmakers too. So I invite him and he accepts. I went to the movies, with my cousin, as planned the next evening. I went a couple days earlier than I had intended to, but that's fine. I believe that was a Tuesday. Anyway, I finally get a response back on Facebook on Thursday (the day my friend and I were supposed to have seen the movie), like nothing happened, and she said, "Yeah, she's just too sick. I won't be able to go tonight."
I send her a reply, saying basically, "Um.... yeah I already saw it a couple nights ago with a cousin...."
It's like she seriously expected me to hang on her very last word as the go-ahead as to whether or not I could see this movie. hahaha!
Funny how some mothers like to lecture you that the "world doesn't revolve around you" when you call them out on their B.S..... yet they have no trouble believing it revolves around them!
What do you guys think? Do you notice this pattern in your lives? (Note: I don't give much time or attention overall to either of these "friends".... but they definitely fall under the category of people who have used their kids just to excuse themselves for being jerks.)
I read your post on these two women, and I actually think their problem isn't that they are jerks, but that they are too lazy to do anything but things with their kids. They justify their existance through their kids. Wait till their kids get older and they no longer get attention from the things their kids do, and that they actually have to work for friendships. That is when it will hit them....
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You're clearly seeing what you want to see. 
Okay, whatever. Kid was born in September 2010 and she posts stuff about her daily. That was the first and last time I've known her to be that sick. She's a sturdy little kid, actually. 
