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Lately, I have been feeling rather disturbed by something. I feel that my masculine behaviors, dress,role are not completely appropriate to who I am. I have been hearing my name "Ross" and it makes me feel empty. Honestly, I'm not sure why this is,I always took a sense of pride in my name. While I typically act in a masculine way, I do also act in ways that might be construed as femininine. I tried cross-dressing a few times (privately). I didn't receive any sexual gratification from it, However, it felt rather natural to me as wearing any old blue jeans I have. I didn't really enjoy it for the sake of being girls' clothing.They just felt like any other clothes. There are times were I would like to act more as a female, but I feel that doing this would cause others or me grief. A mutilated penis dosen't strike me as something I would like to have, nor does hormones. I just want to fit in,yet I feel like a freak. My emotions are going haywire; one moment I am apathetic, and the next I'm depressed or angry.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
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Perhaps you should speak to some transsexuals online, to see if they experience something similar, or talk to a professional about it. Gender is a social construct, I think everyone feels a bit 'out of place' some of the time. Who knows how things might change for you. Just get a variety of opinions, stay true to what you feel/your gut, without being swayed/overtly preoccupied with every little thing.
Whatever makes you happy. Perhaps you should get into role play. Imagine yourself as a male James Bond who is a cross dresser. The god of Thunder, Thor was known to wear women's clothing disguised as a woman. Robbie Williams dressed up as a woman in his She's Madonna video. I think your experiencing some gender identity battles. Maybe it will pass, it could just be a phase you're going through.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rj7237
Lately, I have been feeling rather disturbed by something. I feel that my masculine behaviors, dress,role are not completely appropriate to who I am. I have been hearing my name "Ross" and it makes me feel empty. Honestly, I'm not sure why this is,I always took a sense of pride in my name. While I typically act in a masculine way, I do also act in ways that might be construed as femininine. I tried cross-dressing a few times (privately). I didn't receive any sexual gratification from it, However, it felt rather natural to me as wearing any old blue jeans I have. I didn't really enjoy it for the sake of being girls' clothing.They just felt like any other clothes. There are times were I would like to act more as a female, but I feel that doing this would cause others or me grief. A mutilated penis dosen't strike me as something I would like to have, nor does hormones. I just want to fit in,yet I feel like a freak. My emotions are going haywire; one moment I am apathetic, and the next I'm depressed or angry.
I've been experiencing pretty much the same things, except in reverse : I'm a girl, I'm not unhappy being one, but I'm not comfortable with what I feel society and others want me to be as a woman (for exemple, I almost never put on make up), and I'd like being seen as a bit masculine too, or androgynous. I tried cross-dressing (privately too), and like you said, I didn't really receive sexual gratification from it, but I like it very much nonetheless because I can explore this other side of myself, escape from what others want me to be, and I also feel more self-confident as a boy, sometimes
Sometimes I think to myself that I wish I had been born a boy, but then I think if I had been a boy I would have wanted to be a girl x) For now I define myself as bigendered or agendered, and I don't think I would want to transition.
I would really like to talk more about all of this with you, since you're the first person I find whose situation is so close to mine But most importantly, mark these words : we're not freaks, we're not abnormal, we're just rare
Cross-dressing is a part of transvestitism, but this doesn't make one transgendered. Cross-dressing is not related to being transgendered. Cross-dressing is a choice of garment or make-up, hair style, and nails. One can be a drag-queen, but this is not the only option. Some simply feel comfortable in non-traditional attire. It is easier for a woman to wear men's clothing as there are few social proscriptions against it. It is difficult for a man to wear woman's clothing, and when it is found out, there is much scoffing and criticism. Being transgendered is a life-changing choice, where Chastity Bono becoming Chaz. There is no surgery with cross-dressing. Cross-dressers don't want to be the other sex; they just enjoy wearing their attire. Persons who are transgendered desire to be the other gender and may accommodate with transvestitism (cross-dressing) until the change is complete or while it is happening.
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