Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I don't understand your homophobia. If a man hits on you, what do you think he's going to to? Force you to have sex with him? That makes him a rapist and his sexual orientation becomes a moot point. That being said, I'm glad you've managed to get over your fear of gay men.
I don't find this to be a laughing matter . Homophobia is a serious issue built upon an irrational fear of being seen as sexually appealing to the same sex. Many members of the LGBT community have been killed because of it; a few weeks ago, a lesbian in Dallas was found dead. She was murdered because of who she was. If a woman approaches you and you're not interested, just say you're not interested. If she persists, then it's because she is a person who refuses to understand the meaning of no and that has nothing to do with her sexual orientation. The same applies to men.
This is the first time I've seen someone describe homophobia as a true "phobia". It is usually just a word used to describe people that hate gay people.
Let me explain something to you - phobias are defined as irrational fears. They do not make the person who is phobic automatically a bad person. I had a hard time for a while with the use of the term "irrational fear" because I do believe that people often become phobic due to some traumatic expereince, and in my opinion, developing a fear after a traumatic event was not necessarily "irrational".
The term "irrational fear" was finally explained to me in a way that I could respect and understand.
It isn't that having a fear is irrational. It is that the amount of fear/anxiety that the person is experiencing in that situation is "irrational" or way stronger than the situation should cause.
It might not be correct for a male to feel threatened by gay men, but if someone was attacked by a someone of the same sex at some point their life, it doesn't seem completley unreasonable that they might have issues with it.
It develeoped just as many other phobias develop.
It's funny, it's almost "okay" to be phobic about, roaches, spiders, mice, dogs or any number of things. But God forbid someone is uncomfortable around gay people or people of another race or culture.
They the person is labeled as hateful, when in fact it could just be irrational fear that is motivating them.
This isn't to say there arent' people out there who are simply motivated by ignorance or hate. But what I'm trying to say is lets not jump to conclusions every timet about why someone might feel uncomfortable around other types of people.
Fighting hate and ignorance with more hate is just illogical (and irrational) in my opinion.
My son was afraid of school for about a year. As far as we could tell he was never bullied. He just became extremely uncomfortable being in school. Most people will think he was just being a brat, but it wasn't the case. I won't go into a ton of details, but I do understand fear.
I took him to a child anxiety program and it helped tremendously.
Would you ever consider some type of therapy for your phobia? A common practice is desensitization (sp?). But I know the solution isn't as simple as that sounds.
I just know the program that we attended was wonderful. IT was 8-14 weeks long (once a week) and it worked wonders for him.
It includes explanations of irrational fear, coping techniques, more explanations, and a slow re-introduction to school, which in my opinion was equivalent to a desensitization process.
In your case, it process might start with a simple conversation about mice, then progress to looking at picture for a while. The idea is to set up reasonable goals. Nothing that will make you overly uncomfortable at the beginning, then you work your way up.
I guess the key is to focus one step at a time (acutally "steps" is what they called them in his program).
Anyway. You aren't alone with your phobia. I think they are really common. My daughter and my dad's caregiver are phobic about roaches/palmetto bugs.
The thing is. Although most people have phobias and everyone has fears. The question you need to ask yourself is how much is it interefering with your life. If it is interfering a lot, then I would advise you to try overcoming it, even if it means with help.
If you live somewhere that you don't see mice much, then it might not be worth the effort. You would have to make that decision yourself.
I appreciate that! Yes, I have heard of desensitization and am seriously considering it. Because this fear does get in the way more often than not. It's so hard for me to relax (especially since I live alone) when they're doing construction and little mice are milling around, just hangin' out, waiting to get into my living space! Ha!!!
I'm glad your son was never bullied, a serious problem these days! Is he shy? Maybe he felt as if all eyes were on him and was uncomfortable with attention? Hmmm...I'm trying to remember what that's called. Where people with _____ feel exposed, even when no one is really paying much attention to them. I'll think of it.
Thanks again for the advice
He was shy, he is still on the shy side. I think sometimes fear is a complicated thing. Sometimes it doesn't develop for just one reason. I believe in his case it was a few relatively minor experiences, the school experience here in the city, added to his natural demeanor. It just developed in to this school anxiety thing.
It's kind of funny, when I read you descibing those little mice milling about, I just picture these cute fuzzy little things, yet I know they are anything but cute to you.
I am picturing "gus" from the cinderella movie right now. Maybe you can start your desensitization by watching that!
Good luck, I hope you are able to find a way to relax. It's gotta be tough not being able to relax in your own home.
I was in an incident where I was on a plane and our landing gear wouldn't go down. We kept circling the airport as they tried to fix it and then we had to fly over the ocean to dump our fuel so if we crashed - we wouldn't burn as much. We had to stay strapped in our seats for the 3 hours this was going on and we couldn't move. We landed in a crash landing situation, with not too much damage fortunately. Since that time, I am not only afraid to fly - but I have become claustrophobic. I think it comes from beign trapped up on that plane for hours and not being able to get out, while contemplating my impending death. It was torturous.
I will only go in elevators with another person and even with another person - there are some I won't go on at all. My heart races and if the door doesn't open right away, I panic and start to feel light headed. There are many places I don't go because of this.
I have flown since then (took me 9 years to get back on a plane) and have a panic attack the whole flight. It's been years and I can't picture myself getting on a plane again now. Again - there are many places I'll never go because of this.
Oh and mice have me screaming bloody murder as I stand on top of whatever is highest to get away from them. Fortunately with our army of cats, we don't see any in our house. Word about our cats has gotten around the neighborhood.
This is the first time I've seen someone describe homophobia as a true "phobia". It is usually just a word used to describe people that hate gay people.
Let me explain something to you - phobias are defined as irrational fears. They do not make the person who is phobic automatically a bad person. I had a hard time for a while with the use of the term "irrational fear" because I do believe that people often become phobic due to some traumatic expereince, and in my opinion, developing a fear after a traumatic event was not necessarily "irrational".
The term "irrational fear" was finally explained to me in a way that I could respect and understand.
It isn't that having a fear is irrational. It is that the amount of fear/anxiety that the person is experiencing in that situation is "irrational" or way stronger than the situation should cause.
It might not be correct for a male to feel threatened by gay men, but if someone was attacked by a someone of the same sex at some point their life, it doesn't seem completley unreasonable that they might have issues with it.
It develeoped just as many other phobias develop.
It's funny, it's almost "okay" to be phobic about, roaches, spiders, mice, dogs or any number of things. But God forbid someone is uncomfortable around gay people or people of another race or culture.
They the person is labeled as hateful, when in fact it could just be irrational fear that is motivating them.
This isn't to say there arent' people out there who are simply motivated by ignorance or hate. But what I'm trying to say is lets not jump to conclusions every timet about why someone might feel uncomfortable around other types of people.
Fighting hate and ignorance with more hate is just illogical (and irrational) in my opinion.
I said I did not understand his fear, though now I do since sailordave made the choice to share his story (he did not have to and I hope that he did not feel like he was forced to make that decision because that was not my intention). Not once did I ever insinuate that he was a bad person person because he felt uncomfortable around gay people. It's the phobia that made me bristle, not the person in particular. Having only been around homophobes who have spit bible verses at me instead as a reason for their hatred, and yes I would say that hatred is the best word here, I am undeniably wary of people who state that they have homophobia. At the same time, I realize that every one is different and that their personal experiences have shaped their lives and how live them.
I do not hate homophobes; I actually feel sorry for them because depending on what it is that their actually afraid of, that hate or that fear can take over their lives. With homophobia, I wish there could be a more open dialogue as to why and how it formed for some people, but it is very hostile territory.
I said I did not understand his fear, though now I do since sailordave made the choice to share his story (he did not have to and I hope that he did not feel like he was forced to make that decision because that was not my intention). Not once did I ever insinuate that he was a bad person person because he felt uncomfortable around gay people. It's the phobia that made me bristle, not the person in particular. Having only been around homophobes who have spit bible verses at me instead as a reason for their hatred, and yes I would say that hatred is the best word here, I am undeniably wary of people who state that they have homophobia. At the same time, I realize that every one is different and that their personal experiences have shaped their lives and how live them.
I do not hate homophobes; I actually feel sorry for them because depending on what it is that their actually afraid of, that hate or that fear can take over their lives. With homophobia, I wish there could be a more open dialogue as to why and how it formed for some people, but it is very hostile territory.
Thanks for replying. Your right, it is very hostile territory. I wish there could be more dialogue too.
He was shy, he is still on the shy side. I think sometimes fear is a complicated thing. Sometimes it doesn't develop for just one reason. I believe in his case it was a few relatively minor experiences, the school experience here in the city, added to his natural demeanor. It just developed in to this school anxiety thing.
It's kind of funny, when I read you descibing those little mice milling about, I just picture these cute fuzzy little things, yet I know they are anything but cute to you.
I am picturing "gus" from the cinderella movie right now. Maybe you can start your desensitization by watching that!
Good luck, I hope you are able to find a way to relax. It's gotta be tough not being able to relax in your own home.
Apart from Jerry [Tom & Jerry] and Gus, mice are terrifying to me, as I'm sure I am to them. I scream so loud it scares them almost to death. They scurry away but I just keep screaming.
When new homes were being built across the street from me, I was sitting on my couch minding my own business. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a mouse casually making its way across the dining room floor. Almost died!! In my pajamas, I jumped up screaming, grabbed my cell (really wanted to call 911) but called a friend instead. I was crying, trembling and sweating, but she was like, "Girl, I'm scared too! Can't help ya." Luckily my neighbor was nice enough to catch it, but what if he hadn't been home? Seriously, I would've had to leave until someone came to get it, pjs and all.
Terrible.
Although I'm a people-person and outgoing, my heart goes out to your son. Cannot empathize because I feed off of big groups and social situations, but I definitely feel for him; I bet school is a frightening place, with all the noise and crowds, for someone who is a little more quiet or reserved. And he has to go to school, so it's not like my situation, where I don't run into mice every single day. Poor thing!
At least he has a caring mother who didn't just write it off as something minor and actually looked into therapy for him. My hat's off to ya!
YES and I won't go into details, but I have had the same Phobia since I was a kid. And as an adult, it still bothers me, the only difference is NOW I go out of my way to confront it rather than to avoid it. Uncomfortable, YES.
Terrified? NO And do I change my life around for it? Heck no.
There was a time when it limited me. It is rare, it has no name and very few reported cases.
Enough said, I move on.
Wow! Admire that. Yes, confrontation is key. Don't want fear ruling over me. Guess I need desensitization.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
. Homophobia is a serious issue built upon an irrational fear of being seen as sexually appealing to the same sex. Many members of the LGBT community have been killed because of it; a few weeks ago, a lesbian in Dallas was found dead. She was murdered because of who she was. If a woman approaches you and you're not interested, just say you're not interested. If she persists, then it's because she is a person who refuses to understand the meaning of no and that has nothing to do with her sexual orientation. The same applies to men.
Yeah, Gus is cool
