How do you overcome Phone-phobia? (people)

[lizzyst]

At last I know there is a name for what I feel and that other feel this "phobia," too. I have an out-of town friend that I'm sure I have alienated because I don't answer the telephone when she calls. Any phone call with her is at least 30 minutes and many times closer to an hour. At times I've feigned having something in the oven (using the microwave ding as a fake signal) or a visitor at the door (knocking myself) to get off the phone with her. I can't seem to bring myself to say that she just has talked too long, we've run out of topics, my ear is numb, and I'm ready to hang up!

Strangely enough, my first job was as a long-distance telephone operator and I had no problem with that, probably because I had a "script" and knew what to say when. Also, in later jobs, I had to answer the phone at companies and I was OK with that, even though it wasn't the favorite part of those jobs.

Now there are so many solicitations, wrong numbers, political surveys, etc. and I don't want to take part in that. Even though I've explained these reasons for avoiding phone conversation many times to my friend and told her I really prefer email or meeting in person, she says "But, but, it's not the same as hearing someone's voice," so I just ignore her calls, email later -- and feel guilty!!

[Jayess1]

You're not the only one! I've had to use the phone a great deal for business for years, and still don't feel "comfortable" (my wife says the best way to see me "jump" is when the phone rings & I don't think someone else in the house will get it). Agree 100% with the script suggestion - I even go so far as to write up multiple answers & comments since one can't predict the direction of every conversation. Recommend the small legal pad & pencil next to the phone w/possible...

[Ceece]

Wow, I'm just the opposite. It's much easier for me to talk on the phone than face to face. I'm an introvert too but with opposite characteristics. I have had entire friendships that lasted for 20+ years mostly over the phone with far away, and sometimes around the corner, friends. There is a feeling of freedom that comes along with the phone that I don't get when I'm one on one with someone. I'm too self conscious about people looking at me for my own good I guess, I always feel like I have to be "on" or something. It's also why I like forums

[brokensky]

I hate the phone. I know why. My sisters hate it, too. We grew up in a ministerial family and my father expected every phone call to be answered quickly, messages to be written out in detail. For many years, we only had one phone, located downstairs in the hallway. My sister and I had bedrooms up stairs, and had to run like hell out of the bedroom, down the hall, down the stairs, to grab the phone. I fell down the stairs several times and really injured myself. Finally, they put a phone upstairs. Well, thanks a lot. Still had to jump up from whatever I was doing (homework, friends) and grab that phone and take a detailed message. Now, mind you, I was expected to do this starting at age 6. It was extremely stressful. Plus, my friends were not allowed to call except for 3 min conversations, as we may "tie up the line" for important church business. It was just hell and I learned to hate the phone.

I didn't realize until many years later that this was why I hated the phone. My sisters and I (one who is much younger and so had to deal with this long after my middle sister and I left home) - we discussed this decades ago and finally realized why we all avoid phones, hate them, were sooooooo grateful when answering machines were invented. Now we all have voicemail and even tho we also have called ID, we rarely answer the phone. If folks want to leave a message, okay. THen we hate to make a phone call back, but at least we have some idea WHY we will be returning the call and how "urgent" it is to call back.

I have one friend I love to talk to on the phone. And I enjoy talking to my baby sis, my son and my son's fiancee. I will answer the phone, usually, when it is my parents, but since my mother has never been able to understand that I work from home and am NOT going to stop and have a 1 hour chat w/ her about her doctor's visit . . . I often let their phone calls go into VM, too. Other than that - please send me a text or get on chat, leave me a msg on FB. I just don't like the phone - find it awkward and interruptive.

Of course, years of doing the corporate thing and having to deal with phones sucked, but as long as I had an admin. asst., that took care of a lot of those calls.

Some of us feel a phone call is like an unexpected visitor showing up and interrupting our day. I don't know how to explain it any other way.

[catsmom21]

It is comforting to know there are others who have phone phobia. Mine is terrible. To the point that just picking up the phone to schedule a dr appointment is a major ordeal.

Those who offer "solutions" you can tell have no idea what it is like, this phone phobia. Having a "script" in front of me makes no difference, if there is a person on the other end of the phone (as opposed to leaving a message) all cognizance seems to leave my brain.

It's is very crippling. Having the internet has been a 'god-send' but there are still times when the phone has to be used. And the stress it causes is....unexplainable to someone who does not suffer from it.

I NEVER answer my phone. Caller id has not changed that. If you want to hear from me, leave a message, or better yet, send me an e mail. You will not get me on the phone.

Actually there is one exception. I might answer the phone if it is my veterinarian calling about a specific issue with a cat. But even then, I would prefer to hear her message first, then call her back after I've already digested the information.

[AnywhereElse]

Originally Posted by ragnarkar

Phone-phobia - HypertWiki

Even as a shy introvert, I prefer face to face meetings 10x over talking to someone on the phone. In fact, I fear picking up the phone to call someone significantly more than giving a speech to a crowd! These fears don't apply to people I already know but calling someone I don't know raises quite a bit of fear.

A lot of the anxiety comes from feeling being put on the spot, not knowing what to say and frantically trying to come up with something, not seeing the person's facial expressions, etc.

I prefer eye-to-eye contact because it allows me to read the expressions/body language. When I call on the phone, I make notes before I call, a sort of outline of what I am going to discuss and take notes because it is has always been difficult for me to remember what is said on the phone versus in person where I tie a lot to the expressions being made. It is the fashion by which my memory seems to work. I am a visual learner and recall by visual cues. Try the outline/notes, also gives you a chance to doodle while you talk which I also do and funny thing is that if you look at my doodles that I made during the conversation and they are curvy, that is good but sharp, trouble.

[theluckygal]

I know how you feel. I suffer from phone anxiety too, espeically when calling a stranger & having to explain a situation. I would rather give a speech to a large audience. I have practiced distracting myself with doing menial tasks when I am on phone like folding laundry or browsing the web so that I dont pay too much attention to how I am speaking. The conversation just flows on its own when you are not 100% focused on your tone or mannerisms. I also hate those drive thru orders. Distractions really helped me to calm down.

[Retroit]

I don't have a phobia so much as a dislike of talking on the phone. I feel it is very impersonal or un-intimate. I prefer to see the person I'm talking to so I can gauge their response and expressions. They say that 55% of communication is body language, so talking on the phone is only half the message.

[theluckygal]

Occassionally I make small talk with the person on the other line or compliment them on their voice or ask where they are located. That relieves some of the pressure & anxiety at the beginning of the conversation. But sometimes the person on the other line (especially in hospitals) have a stern, business like voice so its difficult to make small talk.

Give it a try, it might help. I understand its embarrassing to admit it since a lot of people feel anxious when face-to-face situations, rather than the phone. It will need some practice to overcome this. Just try to distract yourself & dont take it too seriously. This kind of anxiety doesn't mean you are insecure or not a good conversationalist. Its just that people like us use a lot of body language during a conversation to express ourselves & when we have to use only our voice to get our point through, it becomes difficult for us. Its like you have access to multiple tools to do a job but you are handed only one tool to complete it, so no wonder you feel anxious.

[Yankees1212]

Originally Posted by asma410

Occassionally I make small talk with the person on the other line or compliment them on their voice or ask where they are located. That relieves some of the pressure & anxiety at the beginning of the conversation. But sometimes the person on the other line (especially in hospitals) have a stern, business like voice so its difficult to make small talk.

Give it a try, it might help. I understand its embarrassing to admit it since a lot of people feel anxious when face-to-face situations, rather than the phone. It will need some practice to overcome this. Just try to distract yourself & dont take it too seriously. This kind of anxiety doesn't mean you are insecure or not a good conversationalist. Its just that people like us use a lot of body language during a conversation to express ourselves & when we have to use only our voice to get our point through, it becomes difficult for us. Its like you have access to multiple tools to do a job but you are handed only one tool to complete it, so no wonder you feel anxious.

That's a good analogy