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I just read a quote by Dr. Barbara Lerner that seems to apply to many people these days:
"A narcissist is a person who never progressed beyond the self-love of infancy, one who learned superficial social skills - narcissists are often charming - but never learned to truly love another, and through love, to view others as separate persons with a worth and value equal to their own. To the narcisssist, other people have no intrinsic worth; their value is purely instrumental. They are useful when they satisfy his (or her) desires and enhance his self-esteem... Only he matters, and becasue his sense of self-importance is so grossly inflated, his feelings are easily hurt. When they are, when others thwart him or fail to give him the excessive, unearned respect he demands, he reacts with rage and seeks revenge, the more dramatic the better."
This might explain some of the shootings we've seen - taken to the extreme.
Yet, in a milder form, I've seen this in family & friends & myself at times.
Obviously, one should care for oneself, but not in such narcisisitic ways.
How do you think it is best to care for oneself, while also caring for others?
We all have the trait in us to a certain degree. Depending on the degree to which the trait is used, it can be healthy, it can be risky, or it can be dangerous. The degree that it is in ourselves and others vary. Sometimes I believe we get too carried away with placing labels on people..trying to fit them into a box. People are eerily simple, but also confusingly complicated. We are all humans and people that usually are labeled to be "narcissists" are just quite frankly a-holes to a very large degree, regardless of why.
When evaluating someone against a potential, diagnosable disorder, one must take care since it would be easy to attribute some disorder to just about everybody.
That said, I do believe that a couple of the recent gunmen in the news have also been treated by mental health care professionals too, and likely have some problems. Not sure narcissism is necessarily the disorder however.
(I know someone who has severe Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but I would not expect him to gun down a theater. His lack of value for others is reflected in his lying and manipulating them for his own glorification, purpose, and satisfaction, not any intent for physical harm.)
bwahahaha I had to laugh over that!! And rep you
On a serious note, I agree that most everyone has a certain degree of this but there are definitely those who really suffer from this disorder. I have a family member who is a perfect example. Everything revolves around him, and everyone is expendable or only good for a purpose to serve him. I pretty much avoid this person. Charming as hell too. Now that I think about it, he's probably a sociopath too.
I dislike the gender biased language in which the author describes what a narcissist is.
To a certain extent, human beings can be very self-centered and selfish, and at the same time very loving and genuinely giving of themselves. Polarities can co-exist.
People who are truly narcissistic tend to exude false empathy, and only seek to utilize others to meet their needs on their own terms strictly for utilitarian purposes, which are meant to gratify their own intrinsic needs to establish a deeply empty and hollow self-worth.
Self-worship, leading to selfishness. There are those that see anyone else as inferior. Does not make for stable relationships. It is good to be positive and treat yourself well, But like many things taken to extremes can be self-depreciating. It can make it hard esp because no one else is good enough for the narcissistic person.
Narcissism (malignant narcissism) as a personality disorder, at it's root involves lack of empathy and every other trait spawns from that.
Healthy people that exhibit some narcissism do so within the parameters of what is considered self-esteem.
Sick people that suffer from narcissistic personality disorder lack self esteem and base their self worth on the facade and/or false image they portray of themselves to the world and expect those that they keep around them to mirror back regularly. They also lack empathy, tend to be pathological liars and are primarily users with an incredible ability to manipulate others. Once again one of those reasons is to maintain the charade known as their lives which is their false self. They do not even know who they are inside.
A true narcissist will use other people in terms of their utilty function: for example a wife that marries a man because he is wealthy, maintains her socio-economic status, etc and then lies and cheats her way through life behind the scenes, all while maintaining her false self and image. Narcissists entire lives are a lie.
The lack of empathy invades every aspect of their lives, and in addition to not ever caring about other people they also lack the ability to love others. They learn at a young age how to mimic human behavior (as a means of survival) and can often become very good at it. They are shells that lack any emotional depth whatsoever and in rare cases when combined with sociopathic traits and characteristics can go on to committ crimes, often involving hurting others. Which is only possible due to a lack of empathy.
They have the ability to re-write history and the stories of their own lives to suit any given situation they are in and are actually hard to identify unless a person spends alot of time with one and if that happens, the victim (friend, spouse, lover) is often too close at that point to realize what they are dealing with until the damage is done.
Correct. Narcissists view people for their "value added" factor. Keeping people out of your life means you're selective and you don't want complications/problems. A friend in Atlanta, with whom I am no longer friends because of her "feminist as martyr" issues, once said "the positives have to outweigh the negatives" - in people, places you live, jobs, vacation spots, EVERYTHING. A very simple maxim to keep handy.
I also don't think "water seeks its own level" is narcissism. That's supported by "birds of a feather...."
Also, if a person blows up at someone who is habitually rude or critical, that's not narcissism. That's resetting boundaries and telling someone what an a-hole they are. If you are in a position to do it, help yourself.
Last edited by robertpolyglot; 08-22-2012 at 02:23 PM..
I totally see this in all the facebook'ing and tweeting happening these days. People who post picture after picture of themselves and tweet everything they do for the entire day like anyone really cares.
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