Relationship with kids gone sour (boyfriend, mom, husband, attracted)
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"....my partner is a no nonsense gal but is a softy at heart and would do anything for anyone but wont bend for me going round to see my kids in their own home."
Talk about your non sequiturs. The last part of the above sentence negates the first. If your partner is truly a "softy" that would do anything for anyone and yet bars you from seeing your own children at their home without a fight, well that just makes no sense to me. Something does not add up. OP examine that statement of belief for a moment and get clarity on the issue.
Given the timelines in your post it seems like you might be dealing with teen or tween (pre-teen) children who have a lot of age related demands on their time and in addition your partner has created an at least mildly hostile situation for them in your shared home by insulting other family members. Your kids are of the age where they can adequately verbalize and vote with their feet and they have essentially said, "No Thanks!" to sharing any time with your partner.
Regardless of what your partner claims, what can be possibly wrong with you (the adult and their father for heaven's sake) visiting and spending time with your children in their own home as well as other venues. This is not about your partner, who sounds selfish and controlling at the least, or about your ex but about you and those kids.
The ball is in your court. Do the right thing and visit those kids or lose them by inaction. Man up to your chosen name of gooddad and do the right thing for those kids who still clearly are interested in having some type of relationship with their Dad.
Hi all. hope someone can give me some advice.ive been seperated from my wife for the last 7 yrs and recently divorced. i met my new partner 6 yrs ago and have been living with her for the past 4 yrs.i have 2 kids to my ex. in the early stages of my new relationship,my kids got on really well with my new partner and used to visit us on a regular basis. we all went on holiday together and it was all good.however, up until 2 yrs ago my kids have stopped calling round and expect me to visit them in their home.now i dont have a problem with that becoz i feel i should be seeing them in their own environment at times,but, my partner does not want me to be in my exs house. i feel split in my loyalties to my kids and to my partner.my partner says its my ex who is manipulating the situation.my ex denies it and say i should be calling round to see them as they are getting older and not wanting to call round to see us ,saying that my partner intimidates them! which way do i turn my loyalties??? HELP PLEEASE!!
They are your children and you should visit them when and where you can and if the current partner does not want you to be in the home of your ex wife your current partner has the issue and I personally would kick the current partner to the curb. First they are your children, enough said. Second no one tells me where I can go and whose home I can be in, my children, my decision when and where to see them. Third none of the current partner's business, it is between you, the children and their Mother.
"Gooddad"...ironic name. Because I don't see you as a "good Dad" here at all. A good Dad would be visiting his kids....and tell anyone who has issues with that...to stay out of it.
I agree with everybody here. Let me put it to you like this. If your partner can wield enough power over you to prevent you from going to your ex's house, the relationship is sure to fail. Then where are you?
Since you want to see your kids, go see them. Your partner will either understand or you will have shortcutted the eventual outcome anyway. I am not sure you realize this, but your partner is selfish.
With your children. The new lady has to accommodate your relationship w/ your children...they come first while they are small. If your children were adults, you could meet them part way, or stay at their apartments for a visit. Eventually it will probably work out, but there must have been something that set this off....are you aware of anything between your children and your present lady? It seems odd that your lady would all of a sudden put the kabash on your visiting your children too. Perhaps in a neutral territory. Do you have parents, a sister...someone that live near your children, you could visit them there?? If you know of no reason that their should be this tension
When it comes to deciding between your children and anything, unless it is life and death, you need to choose the children. If your current doesn't get this she needs to become your ex. Do you think she would choose you over her child? I would hope not.
if you are too nice of a guy,,,,,you will get steam-rolled and manipulated..sometimes you gotta buck up and say- this is the way it is, im going to see my kids, I dont see them often, so Im going,,
she is beyond selfish, pulling at you to stay out of your x's house and not see your kids
a spouse is suppose to enhance and support the other ,,,not throw gas on a fire
Go see your kids and help them with whatever they need help with. Explain to your new wife that your kids mean everything to you and that this is only a temporary situation and has nothing at all to do with your first wife. If she can't understand, hire a mediator and explain it to her . . . she is being selfish and insecure . . . suggest she get a hobby (maybe a pet?) to occupy her time while you are with your kids.
Your kids WILL grow up - and you won't have to go to their house forever, but will your new wife grow up?
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