Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Psychology
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-06-2013, 02:04 AM
 
Location: The Island of Misfit Toys
2,765 posts, read 2,786,386 times
Reputation: 2366

Advertisements

Why don't you find another introvert as a companion who understands how to respect your space but will be available to manage those ocassional bouts of loneliness?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-06-2013, 09:53 AM
 
3,769 posts, read 8,779,044 times
Reputation: 3773
You are so not alone. I can completely understand and I have a young family! My spouse works away from home for months at a time intermittently and I LOVE the solace of being alone. I absolutely crave time alone and am a huge introvert - though very social, I do need the time to recharge and prefer the time alone.

I do however have bouts of loneliness and I also wonder why - and the difference - particularly because I relish my time alone so much. I have identified much of the same feelings you have. I think part of it is my MyersBriggs profile INFJ and just being human. My solution is to try to find at least one friend I can rely on for a chat or pick me up when I get down. Problem is - because I do tend to prefer solitude, sometimes that is hard to find on short notice - when the loneliness hits. I just have to deal with it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-06-2013, 11:59 AM
 
1,636 posts, read 3,159,188 times
Reputation: 2747
I am exactly the same way, OP.

Other people often exhaust me, especially my friends who love to party. My way of "mental stimulation" is different than theirs. I prefer to be alone but feel weird when I see other people out together.

Not weird at all. Carry on.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-06-2013, 12:59 PM
 
Location: Cape Coma Florida
1,369 posts, read 2,268,508 times
Reputation: 2945
Much of what you say resonates with me. When I'm alone, which is most of the time, I'm pretty comfortable with it. It's when I'm in the midst of others that I feel most lonely. The idea of moving into the wilderness and living in nature has always appealed to me, and I've tried to do that in the past, only to have job and living situations bring it to an end.

For my part, if I could live in a remote area with just a good dog, I'd be happy. The dog is key. I find them to be marvelous friends and since being forced to part with my last dog have longed for another, but my current job makes that impossible, and it's a terribly lonely place to work because of the people there.

In my 58 years of experience dogs are much better people than most humans.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-06-2013, 01:05 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,853 posts, read 35,068,861 times
Reputation: 22694
Quote:
Originally Posted by mörkrädd View Post
I have lived in medium sized to large cities or heavily populated areas for most of my life. As a loner and an introvert, I am not only comfortable with my own company, but I prefer to be alone. I am also single and have few friends.

That doesn't mean I don't suffer from loneliess though. But I have come to realise that the loneliness I feel seems to only hit me when I am around other people, rather than when I am actually alone. Being around others (strangers) seems to trigger bouts of loneliness. I guess that a part of me is perhaps envious of others and their normal lives, or I feel the need to be part of something.

When I am alone and far away from others, I never feel lonely. I enjoy surrounding myself with nature. I feel that I can connect to nature far more than people. Even sitting on an empty beach and just watching and hearing the waves come and go is comforting, or hiking through a forest. It makes me feel connected and a part of something far bigger and more important than the society we have created. I feel a sense of freedom when alone, which is liberating. Surrounded by other people, I feel suffocated.

So the question is, am I a freak, or do any of you CityData dwellers feel the same way? I find it is not easy to go against the grain of normalcy. I do not want a partner, children or a big house in the suburbs. I don't care for gadgets, cars or clothes and don't care for being in cliques. Still, I feel very lonely in cities or highly populated areas.
You sound perfectly normal to me. As an introvert myself, is a certain satisfaction that we get from interacting with other people on limited occasions. People are ok, I don't hate them and I feel that they can contribute to my quality of life as long as *I* am the one in control of when and how that happens. Unfortunately, it is very difficult to control other people, so once you establish connections with other humans, they tend to step on your toes insofar as your "alone" time is concerned. I think, what you and I are feeling is the desire to experience other people on our own terms, which we innately understand to be pretty much impossible - hence a feeling of "loneliness" in other people's company. The key is NOT that we need other people's friendship or interaction, but we have a longing to do it on OUR TERMS.

People who know me would never guess that I am not a gregarious person because I do interact with people well, mainly because of the demands of my job which is highly customer service. During my time off, however, I rarely if ever interact with other people unless I have to.

Be happy that you are capable of being your own best friend. I feel so sorry for individuals who must have constant external stimulation by other people.

20yrsinBranson
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-06-2013, 06:15 PM
 
47,525 posts, read 69,565,345 times
Reputation: 22474
Quote:
Originally Posted by mörkrädd View Post
I have lived in medium sized to large cities or heavily populated areas for most of my life. As a loner and an introvert, I am not only comfortable with my own company, but I prefer to be alone. I am also single and have few friends.

That doesn't mean I don't suffer from loneliess though. But I have come to realise that the loneliness I feel seems to only hit me when I am around other people, rather than when I am actually alone. Being around others (strangers) seems to trigger bouts of loneliness. I guess that a part of me is perhaps envious of others and their normal lives, or I feel the need to be part of something.

When I am alone and far away from others, I never feel lonely. I enjoy surrounding myself with nature. I feel that I can connect to nature far more than people. Even sitting on an empty beach and just watching and hearing the waves come and go is comforting, or hiking through a forest. It makes me feel connected and a part of something far bigger and more important than the society we have created. I feel a sense of freedom when alone, which is liberating. Surrounded by other people, I feel suffocated.

So the question is, am I a freak, or do any of you CityData dwellers feel the same way? I find it is not easy to go against the grain of normalcy. I do not want a partner, children or a big house in the suburbs. I don't care for gadgets, cars or clothes and don't care for being in cliques. Still, I feel very lonely in cities or highly populated areas.

I don't think that's strange at all -- it's just having an introspective personality -- and one reason so many people use alcohol and drugs at parties and nightclubs is they have to have something that helps them pretend they're not lonely and that they're having a blast.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-06-2013, 06:49 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic east coast
7,092 posts, read 12,614,811 times
Reputation: 16009
Quote:
Originally Posted by mörkrädd View Post
I have lived in medium sized to large cities or heavily populated areas for most of my life. As a loner and an introvert, I am not only comfortable with my own company, but I prefer to be alone. I am also single and have few friends.

That doesn't mean I don't suffer from loneliess though. But I have come to realise that the loneliness I feel seems to only hit me when I am around other people, rather than when I am actually alone. Being around others (strangers) seems to trigger bouts of loneliness. I guess that a part of me is perhaps envious of others and their normal lives, or I feel the need to be part of something.

When I am alone and far away from others, I never feel lonely. I enjoy surrounding myself with nature. I feel that I can connect to nature far more than people. Even sitting on an empty beach and just watching and hearing the waves come and go is comforting, or hiking through a forest. It makes me feel connected and a part of something far bigger and more important than the society we have created. I feel a sense of freedom when alone, which is liberating. Surrounded by other people, I feel suffocated.

So the question is, am I a freak, or do any of you CityData dwellers feel the same way? I find it is not easy to go against the grain of normalcy. I do not want a partner, children or a big house in the suburbs. I don't care for gadgets, cars or clothes and don't care for being in cliques. Still, I feel very lonely in cities or highly populated areas.
I DO understand..and think you are normal. Being connected to nature and feeling a oneness with it brings a sense of belonging. But being midst many people in a city makes you think you need to be part of the 'herd" mentality.

Have you ever read or heard of a book called The Highly Sensitive Person? You might want to check it out..it will help you understand yourself in many ways...

Me, I dearly love being with people--about half the time...then I get in overload mode and have to withdraw to solitude or to nature...I suspect you're even more highly sensitive to stimuli...

Don't sweat it...enjoy yourself for the good company you are...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-06-2013, 06:54 PM
 
793 posts, read 1,333,052 times
Reputation: 1178
Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post

Be happy that you are capable of being your own best friend. I feel so sorry for individuals who must have constant external stimulation by other people.

20yrsinBranson
^Totally agree. I can't even imagine.

I love being alone. I've always been this way. A few years ago, I told myself that I should probably find some more friends, then I realized that I didn't really want any more friends, and I left it at that.

I get up early just to enjoy the solitude for a bit before all hell breaks loose... ummmm I mean before my loving husband and angelic kids wake up.

I consider it an attribute to enjoy one's own company. It must be exhausting for those that need constant human interaction.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Psychology
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 06:50 PM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top