Why does my coworker act this way? (mom, husband, thoughts)
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I know this is about the psychology forum, which is why I think it's more appropriate for this topic seeing as it's her behavior I want you all to analyze for me...
I work in a retail store and for the past week I've been training for a higher position I was offered. I was training with two girls, both young moms. One was really nice and explained a lot to me, and the other was mostly quiet and didn't even look at me. The work we were doing was hard on the fingers and I jokingly complained today that all my skin had burned off and the tip of my fingers were now silky smooth like a baby skin. The quiet girl looked at me with a sort of condescending look and said "You can't remain completely pretty doing this job, sorry."
I assume she says this because our uniform is khaki and a solid color top, and we can wear any solid color sweater as well/any shoes. I always like to dress up my style by wearing a nice top and a cute cardigan and boots rather than sneakers/polo/khakis combo most others wear. I never thought it was a big deal but the way she looked me up and down when she said it was almost as if she was offended that I dressed that way.
Then later on when we were all on break, I was saying I was ready for winter. She then made a comment about me liking winter because I'm so bony. When I told her that made absolutely no sense, she shrugged and said, "I don't care, I'm just saying you're so bony."
Now, I'm a thin person, yes-- but for my body (I'm petite) I have decent curves so I don't understand why she referred to me as "bony" as if I was really THAT skinny.
I guess I just don't understand her hostile attitude and why she seems to have this "nose in the air" attitude toward me when I've done nothing to her but try and be nice and get along.
Anyone have any thoughts on this? Or maybe thoughts on what I should respond if she says something like this again?
I know this is about the psychology forum, which is why I think it's more appropriate for this topic seeing as it's her behavior I want you all to analyze for me...
I work in a retail store and for the past week I've been training for a higher position I was offered. I was training with two girls, both young moms. One was really nice and explained a lot to me, and the other was mostly quiet and didn't even look at me. The work we were doing was hard on the fingers and I jokingly complained today that all my skin had burned off and the tip of my fingers were now silky smooth like a baby skin. The quiet girl looked at me with a sort of condescending look and said "You can't remain completely pretty doing this job, sorry."
I assume she says this because our uniform is khaki and a solid color top, and we can wear any solid color sweater as well/any shoes. I always like to dress up my style by wearing a nice top and a cute cardigan and boots rather than sneakers/polo/khakis combo most others wear. I never thought it was a big deal but the way she looked me up and down when she said it was almost as if she was offended that I dressed that way.
Then later on when we were all on break, I was saying I was ready for winter. She then made a comment about me liking winter because I'm so bony. When I told her that made absolutely no sense, she shrugged and said, "I don't care, I'm just saying you're so bony."
Now, I'm a thin person, yes-- but for my body (I'm petite) I have decent curves so I don't understand why she referred to me as "bony" as if I was really THAT skinny.
I guess I just don't understand her hostile attitude and why she seems to have this "nose in the air" attitude toward me when I've done nothing to her but try and be nice and get along.
Anyone have any thoughts on this? Or maybe thoughts on what I should respond if she says something like this again?
How long have you been working there compared to her?
She obviousy has body and cuteness envy. Probably nothing you can do except try to develop a thinker skin, until she crosses the line then call her on harassment. Keep the other more secure gal as a closer friend/work peer. You'll get through this, focus on your job...She'll be jeaous of your success too. These are all her own issues. Hold your head up and keep being You.
If you worry about other's people's opinion of you, you will spend a lot of wasted time. Why does it matter? Unless you have been blatently offensive to her, it's her problem, not yours. Not everyone is going to like you. It's not worth your time to wonder why.
Some people have terrible lives at home. Maybe an abusive husband, financial trouble, serious illness with someone in the family, whatever.
A friend of mine has worked with another guy for 7 years and they are best friends - always get along great! But recently the other guy's mom had a serious illness and then passed away. Well he was terribly NASTY to my friend while all this was going on...
Anyway it may have nothing to do with you. Just keep in mind other people might not be as fortunate as others.
I'm not worried about what she thinks about me, I'm just curious as to why she's like that with me but SO nice to everyone else I've seen her interact with
I think it's pretty common for women who used to be cute and who used to be thin to be hostile toward women who currently ARE cute and thin.
Of course, we don't really know, since none of us know her, and you really don't either. But that's the most logical conclusion. Maybe she feels like her body changed after having a kid and she doesn't feel so attractive anymore. Maybe with her dressing schlumpy in a polo, khakis, and sneakers, she feels intimidated and envious when you dress up your uniform and make it cute. Maybe she's not feeling attractive to her husband anymore. Some people, unfortunately, take out their own inadequacies on other people. They especially do this with people who have the traits they envy. I would predict that she's completely pleasant with fat or homely women.
If she can make you feel lower, she boosts herself up to feel higher. But I just feel pity for such people. Feeling sorry for them totally negates any power they might try to have over you. When you pity someone, they are by definition, below you. Every time she says something snarky to you, just respond with kindness (even if you over-do it, and even if you have to bite our tongue and vent to someone else later). To get angry will just fuel her.
I've done this with people like that, subtly indicating my pity for them, offering my help (even though I know they would never accept), and going out of my way to compliment them. You can disarm her by not reacting in the predictable way.
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