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Ok . . . but it seems a little extreme that you are suffering anxiety over separation if you never had any trauma.
Why do you think you are so anxious?
I am not used to being separated from the woman I love for significant lengths of time. I am slowly getting used to it, but I miss her terribly and I think that turns into the anxiety.
I certainly feel secure in our relationship, am I not allowed to miss her and have feelings of anxiety?
Allowed? I didn't know anxiety was a privileged state a person could aspire to . . . sure, you're "allowed" - if that's what you want . . . you seem to think it is normal and it is not.
You were desperate to take meds when you first wrote and now you're defending your anxiety.
The anxiety is trying to tell you that something is wrong, but you seem to either want to medicate it away or be in denial about your relationship.
Allowed? I didn't know anxiety was a privileged state a person could aspire to . . . sure, you're "allowed" - if that's what you want . . . you seem to think it is normal and it is not.
Perhaps I should have just asked if anyone knew a good way to relieve anxiety other than meds. I realize it's not normal but I am not in a normal situation for me, I am in a long distance relationship that I have never had before and did not want, but due to unforeseen circumstances, here I am. Now...I am in love and I have to deal with it.
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You were desperate to take meds when you first wrote and now you're defending your anxiety.
I NEVER said I was desperate to take meds, I said I did not want to take meds and that is why I am on here looking for alternative methods of dealing with the anxiety.
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The anxiety is trying to tell you that something is wrong, but you seem to either want to medicate it away or be in denial about your relationship.
I am not in denial either, I know exactly what's wrong with the relationship, it's a long distance relationship that I can do nothing about right now. I never wanted to be in long distance relationship and when we are apart I miss her and it causes anxiety for me, end of story.
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What does your girlfriend say about your anxiety?
She thinks it's cute because it shows her how much I care and I agree.
I know this might be hard, but can you just try to enjoy the relationship for what it is now? I mean, not try to change anything, just enjoy what you and this lady have together now?
So, since you have to travel to see her, then look at it as an adventure when you visit her. Someplace new and things to explore.
Then, when you're home alone, enjoy your solitude by reading a good book or watching movies or even hanging out with friends. Enjoy your freedom.
Once you start excepting the situation, and being OK with it, the anxiety should subside.
I guess what I am saying is to make the best of situation. If it's meant to be, it will work out. If not, you both will go on and find new loves. I am not trying to minimize your relationship at all, but trying to put a different spin on the situation.
I really hope this works out for you. Best wishes!
here's my two cents..
I had a long distance relationship for 3 yrs, I know it can be hell-
if you are feeling this way,,,the common denominator is you really love this woman...which is a great thing,,some people go thru life never knowing what love is,,just tolerating appeasing, avoiding,,,
it hurts because of want or longing,, you are impatient and you want to "fix" it...just the way men are
how do you relieve anxiety?? I can help you with one... because I recently have some anxiety thats causing vertigo (dizziness, and nauseau) the dr. prescribed valium....which I have to take everyday-it takes the edge off..
but also,,having studied what anxiety is,,and how self-induced it is,,here is what I recommend,,
1. stop playing the same record over and over in your head that causes you pain-replace it
2 every morning say "thank you" for 5 different blessings that you have,,and mean it...the first 3-4 days it seems shallow,,but after a week this sinks in..
3. laugh more-lighten up...find funny stuff on youtube that makes you laugh hard,,and replay it,,,laughing releases endorphins- for me it was watching seinfeld bloopers,,, or reverend jim on taxi
4. recognize when you get tense,,,you hold it in your neck and shoulders,,,be aware of this and try to relax your neck and shoulder muscles,,
5 exercise,,,not easy, but exercising helps
6 listen to anxiety(educational) clips on youtube...you'll be surprised to see whats on youtube.....I have some fav clips that helped me with stress...and some little statement will just be so profound,,,,i was listening to one eastern monk,,and he said,,think of your mind of having one tall glass of cold water a day- do you water the flowers of your mind, or are you watering the weeds of your mind?
sounds simple,,,but that one phrase hit me like a brick- because i was watering only the weeds and wondering why i felt like crap.
7. go get a rub-down, massage- now most people wont agree with this- but get a non sexual massage- just the feel of another womans touch.....and it will feel great
8. watch what you eat,,we all know what hurts us-too much coffee, sweets etc, but being stressed we tend to eat and eat and treat ourselves to ice cream and sweets ( I do)
gotta stop this,,this causes stress and feeling like crap..
9. go to youtube,,,watch kung fu. (from the early 70's)the original one-----sounds dumb,,,but what the masters tell him for lifes lessons are very true...they train these "priests" to fight like tigers, but then tell them not to fight-run away if possible, be humble like the dirt,,a wise man walks with his head bowed,,,,meaning no matter our ambition we cant always change the world, ACCEPT WHAT IS, and be thankful you have it
for some reason when I was filled with anxiety. and impatience ..this show mellowed me out
10, picture what the light at the end of the tunnel is,,see it clearly, picture it feel it-- make sure its a positive feeling,,,this is to replace the anxiety feelings
I know this might be hard, but can you just try to enjoy the relationship for what it is now? I mean, not try to change anything, just enjoy what you and this lady have together now?
So, since you have to travel to see her, then look at it as an adventure when you visit her. Someplace new and things to explore.
Then, when you're home alone, enjoy your solitude by reading a good book or watching movies or even hanging out with friends. Enjoy your freedom.
Once you start excepting the situation, and being OK with it, the anxiety should subside.
I guess what I am saying is to make the best of situation. If it's meant to be, it will work out. If not, you both will go on and find new loves. I am not trying to minimize your relationship at all, but trying to put a different spin on the situation.
I really hope this works out for you. Best wishes!
Thanks for your reply, I appreciate it. I have been trying to do exactly that but I have never been in a long distance relationship like this and it is hard getting used to. Corresponding with those of you who have replied has been a help, thanks again.
here's my two cents..
I had a long distance relationship for 3 yrs, I know it can be hell-
if you are feeling this way,,,the common denominator is you really love this woman...which is a great thing,,some people go thru life never knowing what love is,,just tolerating appeasing, avoiding,,,
it hurts because of want or longing,, you are impatient and you want to "fix" it...just the way men are
how do you relieve anxiety?? I can help you with one... because I recently have some anxiety thats causing vertigo (dizziness, and nauseau) the dr. prescribed valium....which I have to take everyday-it takes the edge off..
but also,,having studied what anxiety is,,and how self-induced it is,,here is what I recommend,,
1. stop playing the same record over and over in your head that causes you pain-replace it
2 every morning say "thank you" for 5 different blessings that you have,,and mean it...the first 3-4 days it seems shallow,,but after a week this sinks in..
3. laugh more-lighten up...find funny stuff on youtube that makes you laugh hard,,and replay it,,,laughing releases endorphins- for me it was watching seinfeld bloopers,,, or reverend jim on taxi
4. recognize when you get tense,,,you hold it in your neck and shoulders,,,be aware of this and try to relax your neck and shoulder muscles,,
5 exercise,,,not easy, but exercising helps
6 listen to anxiety(educational) clips on youtube...you'll be surprised to see whats on youtube.....I have some fav clips that helped me with stress...and some little statement will just be so profound,,,,i was listening to one eastern monk,,and he said,,think of your mind of having one tall glass of cold water a day- do you water the flowers of your mind, or are you watering the weeds of your mind?
sounds simple,,,but that one phrase hit me like a brick- because i was watering only the weeds and wondering why i felt like crap.
7. go get a rub-down, massage- now most people wont agree with this- but get a non sexual massage- just the feel of another womans touch.....and it will feel great
8. watch what you eat,,we all know what hurts us-too much coffee, sweets etc, but being stressed we tend to eat and eat and treat ourselves to ice cream and sweets ( I do)
gotta stop this,,this causes stress and feeling like crap..
9. go to youtube,,,watch kung fu. (from the early 70's)the original one-----sounds dumb,,,but what the masters tell him for lifes lessons are very true...they train these "priests" to fight like tigers, but then tell them not to fight-run away if possible, be humble like the dirt,,a wise man walks with his head bowed,,,,meaning no matter our ambition we cant always change the world, ACCEPT WHAT IS, and be thankful you have it
for some reason when I was filled with anxiety. and impatience ..this show mellowed me out
10, picture what the light at the end of the tunnel is,,see it clearly, picture it feel it-- make sure its a positive feeling,,,this is to replace the anxiety feelings
Sir, great reply, just what I have been looking for. Between your suggestions and those of others who replied, I think I can get a handle on this and that is what I have been looking for.
Thanks to all of you who have offered help.
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