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11-09-2012, 09:35 AM
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Location: The Heartland
4,457 posts, read 4,067,040 times
Reputation: 760
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I,m not going to go into a lot of details but, after 32 years of marriage I divorced my cheating wife and was very happy to feel free to live life and love again. I have met and fell in love with a wonderful girl who I met on-line but thought she lived locally. It turns out that she was living locally but only temporarily and now I am in a long distance relationship that I never wanted and too much in love to do anything else. Currently we are seeing each other every other week. We have made plans to live together several times but she keeps getting cold feet. I think this is enough information about my situation for someone to be able to offer some advice about my problem.
Here,s my problem...I get really bad anxiety whenever I leave her for long periods of time like the week we are apart. I have never had anxiety before and I am having a real hard time dealing with it. I don't like to take medication but this is driving me nuts. Are there any good alternatives, of any kind, to prescription drugs for this problem?
I am sure some of you are going to ask what is causing the anxiety and all I can tell you is that it is like leaving a loved one, a child for instance, and just missing them awfully.
Thanks for any advice or help in advance.
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11-09-2012, 09:54 AM
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Location: OC/LA, California
313 posts, read 640,098 times
Reputation: 106
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Talking about your feelings and thoughts will help. Exercise and deep breathing can be another way. Walking is a good way to relieve anxiety too. Hope that helps.
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11-09-2012, 10:06 AM
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365 posts, read 625,675 times
Reputation: 397
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It sounds corny but you need to start dating yourself again and getting your own life. Maybe take some adult learning classes at the local community college. Develop a hobby. Wood carving or whatever.
It sounds like you are looking for women to complete you. Women hate that because they are screwed up themselves. You have to be a complete solid rock that they can lean on.
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11-09-2012, 10:08 AM
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Location: The Heartland
4,457 posts, read 4,067,040 times
Reputation: 760
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YellowT
Talking about your feelings and thoughts will help. Exercise and deep breathing can be another way. Walking is a good way to relieve anxiety too. Hope that helps.
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Thanks for those suggestions. I do talk to friends and family about it regularly but they have not offered anything that has been helpful, just things like "break up with her" or "take a pill". I also work out often but I,m not fond of walking. I might try it though and become fond of walking if it works.  |
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11-09-2012, 10:21 AM
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Location: The Heartland
4,457 posts, read 4,067,040 times
Reputation: 760
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Quote:
Originally Posted by joeclyde
It sounds corny but you need to start dating yourself again and getting your own life. Maybe take some adult learning classes at the local community college. Develop a hobby. Wood carving or whatever.
It sounds like you are looking for women to complete you. Women hate that because they are screwed up themselves. You have to be a complete solid rock that they can lean on.
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I am in a fortunate situation where I am able to continue to work and travel back and forth every other week. I have a hobby of going to garage sales on the weekends. Even when I am working or going to garage sales, I still have this anxiety.
As to completing me...maybe. I have been in a relationship most of my life and I do miss that. I am sure I am not being completely honest with myself about every part of this relationship but I think nearly all of it is a very good one for both of us. I just miss holding her hand, kissing her so softly, her smile, dating, talking by the fireplace about nothing, the romance, I miss everything about her. She says she feels the same and I have no reason not to believe her. |
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11-09-2012, 10:34 AM
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Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,127 posts, read 9,722,145 times
Reputation: 11781
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TRUEGRITT
I am in a fortunate situation where I am able to continue to work and travel back and forth every other week. I have a hobby of going to garage sales on the weekends. Even when I am working or going to garage sales, I still have this anxiety.
As to completing me...maybe. I have been in a relationship most of my life and I do miss that. I am sure I am not being completely honest with myself about every part of this relationship but I think nearly all of it is a very good one for both of us. I just miss holding her hand, kissing her so softly, her smile, dating, talking by the fireplace about nothing, the romance, I miss everything about her. She says she feels the same and I have no reason not to believe her.
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I think that you included this sentence says a lot. You have no reason not to believe her that she cares about you, but DO you believe her? I'm divorced from a cheating spouse myself. We were only together for 5 1/2 years total, but I have a lot of anxiety about being left now. It is hard for me to feel secure in my relationships. My self esteem took a beating being left by the person I loved and I need a lot of reassurance now. If I don't hear from the person I'm dating for a few days I start to wonder if they changed their mind and if I'm about to be left again. I can only imagine how I might feel if I was dating someone long distance and I couldn't get those daily assurances. Do you think you might be feeling some of what I just described?
I think taking medicine to deal with missing your SO is way out of line. You need to address the root of why you're feeling the way you are and you need to redirect your thoughts. Stay busy. Spend time with friends, go to the gym, hobbies, working, whatever. And when you feel anxious remind yourself that your SO DOES care for you. Don't be needy and scare her, but be honest about your feelings. Good luck! |
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11-09-2012, 10:44 AM
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Location: earth?
7,284 posts, read 12,450,099 times
Reputation: 8956
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The situation is triggering your abandonment issues. I would address those root issues - I think EFT is the easiest, fastest way (and free on YouTube - try Brad Yates) - Put "abandonment EFT into the search engine.
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11-09-2012, 10:57 AM
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4,761 posts, read 13,606,749 times
Reputation: 7939
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If you are unhappy in that "part time" relationship, break it off and find a "full time" relationship.
Or get a dog to keep you company, that can help.
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11-09-2012, 11:45 AM
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Location: earth?
7,284 posts, read 12,450,099 times
Reputation: 8956
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Also, I think you might be ignoring your intuition that is telling you this may not be the ideal relationship for you. That would cause anxiety.
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11-09-2012, 12:55 PM
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16,007 posts, read 19,548,411 times
Reputation: 26278
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My guess is that your ex-wife's infidelity is causing anxiety in your current relationship. At some level you're concerned that your gf is going to leave you.
How long have you and the gf been dating? How long were you single before you started dating? It sounds like you're pushing for a committment and she's resisting. You need to be cautious about rushing into another relationship if you didn't give yourself time to grieve the loss of your first one. Otherwise you'll keep rushing headlong into relationships out of fear or dislike of being alone.
Quote:
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As to completing me...maybe. I have been in a relationship most of my life and I do miss that. I am sure I am not being completely honest with myself about every part of this relationship but I think nearly all of it is a very good one for both of us. I just miss holding her hand, kissing her so softly, her smile, dating, talking by the fireplace about nothing, the romance, I miss everything about her. She says she feels the same and I have no reason not to believe her.
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Have you and your gf done anything together that wasn't storybook-ish romance? You sound like you're on the brink of being completely honest with yourself about this relationship, but are afraid that if you are honest, you won't like what you see. That would cause anyone anxiety. |
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