Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Very few times in life I have used the term, "I'm sorry".. Apologizing is admitting you we're wrong for something and now guilt enters your conscience. And you regret whatever it is you did. How many times is "I'm sorry" ok? Until, it becomes too late for apologies? I mean committing an act which is knowingly "bad" over and over does that become regretful? I mean it becomes a 'normal' act so when you're on your way to committing it, there's no more guilt therefore no regret. You'll be forgiven, right? I believe everyone deserves to be forgiven and a deserve a 'fresh start'. And not be reminded about, what they did before. You decided to forgive, remember even forgiveness has consequence. What do I mean by that? Well you forgive someone, that person is bound to do it again.. Or, are they? See it turns into a debate, will they do it again? I have met both men and women in "committed" relationships, that slip. Not always intentionally of course, but still slip. They get forgiven and things go back to "normal". How many times does, "I'm sorry" get you out of trouble? If you forgive, do you forget? Or, is it ammo against the other party? Us women use it all the time, young or old. If a man does ANYTHING to us, I mean anything... What's the first thing that comes up to your mind? I'll give you 10 seconds to think about it. "Oh, he's gonna pay for this" . Even if he says IM SORRY. Was he really forgiven? Nope! he wasn't just gives us a great reason to pop off when he messes up a little bit..even if it the simplest mistake, like forgetting to put the toilet seat down. See, I have had my share of moments, were I have stated "I'm sorry", because it just makes the awkwardness of sitting in silence easier to bare. I mean even if I'm not at fault. Does it make it right to say, "I'm sorry" just because it just seems to be the right thing to say? This has been a debate here in my home. I'm suppose to be forgiving someone, who definitely doesn't deserve to be forgiven. Because I'm a Christian, I'm suppose to forgive and forget? Absolutely not, as a Christian I'm going to pray for you and may God have pity on you. But for you to continue to act selfishly and me forgive you, because of my status quo. Not happening. I will forgive you and then send you on your merry way. You can rest assure that you will never get a bad after taste, after having dealt with me. Because of what I "might" to do. But I will never give you the opportunity again for you to commit an act against me that an "I'm sorry" is involved. Is it right? I don't know honestly. But, does it feels right? It does, to not have individuals around me who continuously commit the same act, and I'm suppose to forgive them? one reason I've heard: "you know how they are?" Another, "Jesus said to turn the other cheek". We only have 2 cheeks, how many times do we turn the other cheek? Until they're bruised? How many times do we forgive the same act?
You seem to be operating under the impression that all people are generally alike. They are not. Some people are quite emotional, some revengeful, some detached, some casual. Not everyone can make commitments; they need freedom. Others are intensely loyal. Some seem to be missing the emotion chip.
You seem oppressed by what you think you "should" be doing, and what others "should" be doing. Forgiveness is really just understanding that others are imperfect, or not reaching what you think is perfection.
Try to differentiate between "I'm sorry" as a polite term, which helps humans live together, and "I'm sorry" as an admission of doing something that causes suffering.
the flip side to hearing someone saying they are sorry for multiple discretions, is "I'm an idiot for tolerating the behavior"
so, as in many cases, it's not what or how the perpretrator says something, it's more,,how you react to it..how much self-esteem and respect you have for yourself....
living in appeasement and avoidance, is not living....
Very few times in life I have used the term, "I'm sorry".. Apologizing is admitting you we're wrong for something and now guilt enters your conscience. And you regret whatever it is you did. How many times is "I'm sorry" ok? Until, it becomes too late for apologies? I mean committing an act which is knowingly "bad" over and over does that become regretful? I mean it becomes a 'normal' act so when you're on your way to committing it, there's no more guilt therefore no regret. You'll be forgiven, right? I believe everyone deserves to be forgiven and a deserve a 'fresh start'. And not be reminded about, what they did before. You decided to forgive, remember even forgiveness has consequence. What do I mean by that? Well you forgive someone, that person is bound to do it again.. Or, are they? See it turns into a debate, will they do it again? I have met both men and women in "committed" relationships, that slip. Not always intentionally of course, but still slip. They get forgiven and things go back to "normal". How many times does, "I'm sorry" get you out of trouble? If you forgive, do you forget? Or, is it ammo against the other party? Us women use it all the time, young or old. If a man does ANYTHING to us, I mean anything... What's the first thing that comes up to your mind? I'll give you 10 seconds to think about it. "Oh, he's gonna pay for this" . Even if he says IM SORRY. Was he really forgiven? Nope! he wasn't just gives us a great reason to pop off when he messes up a little bit..even if it the simplest mistake, like forgetting to put the toilet seat down. See, I have had my share of moments, were I have stated "I'm sorry", because it just makes the awkwardness of sitting in silence easier to bare. I mean even if I'm not at fault. Does it make it right to say, "I'm sorry" just because it just seems to be the right thing to say? This has been a debate here in my home. I'm suppose to be forgiving someone, who definitely doesn't deserve to be forgiven. Because I'm a Christian, I'm suppose to forgive and forget? Absolutely not, as a Christian I'm going to pray for you and may God have pity on you. But for you to continue to act selfishly and me forgive you, because of my status quo. Not happening. I will forgive you and then send you on your merry way. You can rest assure that you will never get a bad after taste, after having dealt with me. Because of what I "might" to do. But I will never give you the opportunity again for you to commit an act against me that an "I'm sorry" is involved. Is it right? I don't know honestly. But, does it feels right? It does, to not have individuals around me who continuously commit the same act, and I'm suppose to forgive them? one reason I've heard: "you know how they are?" Another, "Jesus said to turn the other cheek". We only have 2 cheeks, how many times do we turn the other cheek? Until they're bruised? How many times do we forgive the same act?
The correct way for a man to handle the situation with you would be to abandon you for all of your complexity and drama.
You can forgive SilentinMA, but don't forget. If you forget you'll be opening yourself up for some more of the same, as some people actually think that just the words "I'm sorry" absolve them of all the wrong they've done.
The correct way for a man to handle the situation with you would be to abandon you for all of your complexity and drama.
Well it had nothing to do with my man if that's what ur referring to "A-lister"... It has to do with both men and women who I have crossed paths with throughout my life. The problem at home is that some like my mother in law want me to just forgive and forget someone calling me a "dumb ass b####"... I am a mother, a sister,a daughter, a wife I am not a b####. That's suppose to be forgive and forgotten just like that! Bashing someone by stating they're "dramatic".. How is it being dramatic? What's so "complex"about it? See if you had nothing to input only judgment about a situation that apparently you have no understanding about. See this is what adults think about. Few are brave enough to talk about real life "stuff" because of fear about what ppl might say?!? So if my complexity is talking about real stuff.. Then my man is achieving everything he is because of this dramatic and complex woman he decided to spend the rest of his life with..then he is doing it wrong, right? He should be with someone who wallows in their own and others sorrows..and doesn't do anything to actually fix it. Anyway you might not even get it. So let me move in to the next...
Purehuman...you got it! Thanks for y'all comments...
Nightlysparrow- I don't believe everyone is the same. I am only speaking of my personal life. Ppl in my circle and around. I don't know you so I can't say you're just "like them". Everyone has their way of coming to conclusions when you deal with the same stuff continuously from the same ppl. How many times do I have to forgive the person for the same act? It gets tiring.. Are the really sorry? Why repeat? What consequence do they suffer from after committing a bad act? They say I'm sorry and that's it..alls forgiven. Life goes on as if nothing happened. As if you just didn't feel hurt and betrayed by them.
I think a lot of factors go into it. A one time thing is easier to forgive if it's not particularly egregious. Say, someone accidentally steps on my foot in the subway. That's pretty easily forgiven. Now if someone intentionally stomps on my foot repeatedly, that's tougher. If I can get away from the person, I can forgive them.
But if it's active, ongoing behavior, it makes it difficult to forgive. My mother was emotionally, verbally and occasionally physically abusive to me when I was growing up. She's still emotionally and verbally abusive. I forgave her for the past, but it was hard to just let it stay in the past when her current behavior was abusive and was a constant reminder of the past. It kept ripping up open old wounds and making forgiveness difficult.
Now that we are no longer in contact, her choice, and i'm not being emotionally and verbally abused by her, it's easier to forgive. But I won't reconcile because she's had many second chances in the past, which she has chosen to squander.
If someone has a repeat offense due to addicition or mental illness, there are a number of things I look at:
1) Am I physically and emotionally safe around this person? If i had kids, I'm childfree, I would be asking that question on their behalf. If I'm not safe, then that person won't be in my life.
If I am safe, the next question becomes, what are they doing to address it? Rehab, a 12 Step program? Medication, therapy?
And i do realize it takes awhile to alter behavior. It took my dad several tries to become sober. In cases like that, i'll evaluate what boundaries i need to have to protect myself and maintain a relationship if possible.
the flip side to hearing someone saying they are sorry for multiple discretions, is "I'm an idiot for tolerating the behavior"
so, as in many cases, it's not what or how the perpretrator says something, it's more,,how you react to it..how much self-esteem and respect you have for yourself....
living in appeasement and avoidance, is not living....
I'm sorry is like putting a band aide on a cut artery for an un-forgiveable offense. The words are meaningless against a behavior that never should have transpired. An accident is an accident and I'm sorry is appropriate. Wouldn't be nice if there was a lot more appropriate behaviors and a lot less need for I'm sorry?
I'm sorry is like putting a band aide on a cut artery for an un-forgiveable offense. The words are meaningless against a behavior that never should have transpired. An accident is an accident and I'm sorry is appropriate. Wouldn't be nice if there was a lot more appropriate behaviors and a lot less need for I'm sorry?
Exactly. Saying "I'm sorry" after doing something that you knew beforehand was wrong (like cheating) is meaningless to me. That, to me, means your just "sorry" you got caught.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm sorry is like putting a band aide on a cut artery for an un-forgiveable offense. The words are meaningless against a behavior that never should have transpired. An accident is an accident and I'm sorry is appropriate. Wouldn't be nice if there was a lot more appropriate behaviors and a lot less need for I'm sorry?
