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Theres no such thing as investing too much time in your daughter. Just make sure it is quality time together. And I would have to say teenagers are harder than infants. It seems like you two need each other. Escape together. Dont spend time trying to fix her. (obviously sometimes you may need to) but just go out. Do nothing together. you may learn a lot about yourself through her.
I agree. She needs what she needs. She is a very pleasant girl. She's not demanding or anything. She's just a little high maintenance at times.
I haven't read the whole thread so am most likely missing some info but my best advice to you would be to use some of your resources to learn more about yourself and what really makes you happy and then move in that direction. There are SO many different consultants that can help you these days, therapists, coaches etc.
It sounds like you haven't been looking out for yourself and you can only really be helpful to others if you are fulfilled as a human being. Middle age is the perfect time to explore this and it sounds like you have the resources to do so.
My husband and I are very close. He recently started a new job and he works long hours. He has a lot on him right now. Because his time is very limited right, he feels a little irritated by the amount of conversations we have about our daughter. He is also close to her, so it's not a jealousy thing. More of a lack of balance type of thing.
My daughter has a ton of friends. She is very outgoing. She's a very people oriented person. Her friends spend a lot of time at our house. I know them pretty well. I would not say that I am her best friend. Not even close. I would say I am her mother and her mentor. She trusts me. She feels I give her good advice. Sometimes she follows it, sometimes she doesn't. I allow her to make her own mistakes. She has to learn to deal with the real world.
I spend time with my daughter, but not excessively. We usually spend an hour or so together after school. She likes to take long drives and talk. Afterwards, she retreats into her studies, friends, etc. for the rest of the day. We eat dinner together as a family. And she's off again doing her thing.
Do not even get me started on my relationship with my parents. They are of a different parenting ideology. It is what it is.
I read an interesting article that might help put some of your dilemma in perspective.
It is a long article and one written by a very ambitious woman but her premise pertains to a lot of us.
Thing is, you had a good job, successful husband, then you had a child. You chose to stay home to care for your child rather than have a stranger do it.
I think, the gist of her article is that, until society changes, women have to continue to re-definine themselves as their life situations evolve. Women had an active role in creating this change and must continue to push for more change.
You have a high maintenance daughter and husband. Daughter will be fine (because of you) and husband will be there when she is gone.
You will, once again, redefine yourself and re-establish a new and different relationship with that good husband of yours.
You sound like a strong woman, your daughter and husband are lucky!
It is a long article and one written by a very ambitious woman but her premise pertains to a lot of us.
Thing is, you had a good job, successful husband, then you had a child. You chose to stay home to care for your child rather than have a stranger do it.
I think, the gist of her article is that, until society changes, women have to continue to re-definine themselves as their life situations evolve. Women had an active role in creating this change and must continue to push for more change.
You have a high maintenance daughter and husband. Daughter will be fine (because of you) and husband will be there when she is gone.
You will, once again, redefine yourself and re-establish a new and different relationship with that good husband of yours.
You sound like a strong woman, your daughter and husband are lucky!
You sound like a strong woman, your daughter and husband are lucky!
They are all "lucky"! How 'bout the rest of us who are unhappy and haven't had things "fall into place" in life? I would take an emotional "wound" in luxury over an emotional "wound" in poverty any day! And some of us are going it totally alone!
OP, get up everyday and thank GOD for all that you have!
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