Need a "diagnosis" for a person (feelings, people)

[MikeNigh]

Originally Posted by Hopes

Out of curiosity, what culture is this person from? There are some cultures where people make excuses for other people. I've noticed it specifically in Pakistani women. I'm sure it exists in other cultures where women are supposed to be submissive. It's like they were trained to be that way.

Actually this trait is in indian women AND men as well. They have a very "hold their ground" peacefully until you go away approach to conflicts. They also don't care if anything train wrecks either. I see this as one of the fundamental reasons they tend to be poor... They do not resolve conflicts and tend to let things train wreck.

I would say the main reason indian / pakistani people have this trait is actually because they are heavy group think type people and this happens to be a cultural trait of theirs. However the reason they haven't culturally matured out of this is because they don't yet see the value and necessity of resolving conflicts (especially petty ones).

[Hopes]

Originally Posted by MikeNigh

Actually this trait is in indian women AND men as well. They have a very "hold their ground" peacefully until you go away approach to conflicts. They also don't care if anything train wrecks either. I see this as one of the fundamental reasons they tend to be poor... They do not resolve conflicts and tend to let things train wreck.

I would say the main reason indian / pakistani people have this trait is actually because they are heavy group think type people and this happens to be a cultural trait of theirs. However the reason they haven't culturally matured out of this is because they don't yet see the value and necessity of resolving conflicts (especially petty ones).

That's fascinating. Really, it truly is. I wonder if they feel anxiety when faced with a conflict, like people who are avoidant.

[jackmccullough]

I think this might be better in the relationships forum. I wouldn't be too interested in trying to stick a diagnosis on a person. I think the bigger question is that if you are in a relationship with a person who acts like this, is it causing you problems and how should you deal with it.

[Hopes]

I'm actually interested in it from a psychology standpoint. I know someone very close to me who is afraid to resolve conflict. I'm trying to figure out how I can help that person learn how to do it in a healthy manner. But it's not something I need to learn how to deal with it because this person doesn't have a problem resolving conflict with me or the immediate family. The challenge is in almost all situations outside of the family. MikeNigh's description about train wrecks and poverty concerns me. I wish a better future for this person than that. This person will not go to therapy, so that's not an option. As a result, I've been the resident therapist for quite a few years. We've made amazing progress in many areas throughout the years. But maybe I should start another thread because I don't have a problem with this person, I'm merely worried and concerned and need help figuring out how to help the person progress to resolving conflict in a healthy manner. Avoiding isn't working and causes more distress for this person. Hmmmmm........

[Javier77]

Originally Posted by Hopes

But maybe I should start another thread because I don't have a problem with this person, I'm merely worried and concerned and need help figuring out how to help the person progress to resolving conflict in a healthy manner. Avoiding isn't working and causes more distress for this person. Hmmmmm........

Start the thread, I'll see what I can do.

[GJJG2012]

Originally Posted by robertpolyglot

The whole mantra seems to be avoiding the unpleasant:
- changing the subject
- ignoring the obvious
- minimalizing / deflecting
- "oh, that happened, or is happening, to (name of person), too"
- unable to say something bad about someone
- changing facts/white lies

What's the deal here? What does this result from?

I'll guess unusually high anxiety level. I 've had abnormally high anxiety since age 1 if not time of birth. I think I have autism, which 1 popular internet doctor believes is caused by all the vaccinations forced on babies by age 1.

[caligirlz]

Originally Posted by robertpolyglot

The whole mantra seems to be avoiding the unpleasant:
- changing the subject
- ignoring the obvious
- minimalizing / deflecting
- "oh, that happened, or is happening, to (name of person), too"
- unable to say something bad about someone
- changing facts/white lies

What's the deal here? What does this result from?

Why? Are you asking about yourself? or someone else?

[robertpolyglot]

Originally Posted by caligirlz

Why? Are you asking about yourself? or someone else?

Definitely NOT me. Someone else.

[Missy.Rivers]

Originally Posted by robertpolyglot

The whole mantra seems to be avoiding the unpleasant:
- changing the subject
- ignoring the obvious
- minimalizing / deflecting
- "oh, that happened, or is happening, to (name of person), too"
- unable to say something bad about someone
- changing facts/white lies

What's the deal here? What does this result from?

It sounds like you are describing someone who is defending (to the core) someone or a situation that is bad for that person? Are you trying to assist this person to see that someone or something is bad for them and their life? If so, it could be as simple as deep defenses in place. The person or situation they defend somehow is giving this person you describe some form of security, even if it is skewed security.

It kind of sounds like you are describing someone who enables/protects an addict or abusive family member?

[euroshine]

Here we go again.

Lets label someone as being weird, or crazy, or off, than advertise it to the world. After all, you are better than that person, right? Lets find a "diagnosis"for that person.

I think you might be over thinking things.