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If he doesn't get professional help to sort out his thinking, can you enlist the help of your other friends? His parents? Seems drastic to do that, but if that's his mindset, he needs drastic measures. No one really likes to see their faults pointed out, but if you were to tell him that he's not being a "nice guy" when he wishes harm on women, or when he can't see the sitch for what it is. It all sounds very dramatic...like that next interaction with a woman might be his last... he might just need to relax and reset. Is that even possible or likely?
Sometimes I think when people see an entire group of people as the enemy, it takes much more than being reasonable and logical to shake them out of that mindset. In fact, I don't know if I've ever been successful at swaying someone who is deadset in the belief. Perhaps, since you're a good friend, you can search for ways to approach him (through reading, I suppose, or asking professionals) in a specific way that he'll actually hear. I hope you have success!
I agree with part of one of the other posters comment. He has to pull himself out. And the truth is, if you do try to talk to him, he may be so set in his ways, he may not realize what he is doing, and you might put distance between yourself and him due to him being hurt by your comments.
But, I don't know how you can 'help him'.
Continue to he his friend is all you can really do. As long as he behaves well enough, be his friend, and hopefully he figures it all out. Could be a really hard time in his life right now, and he is feeling rejected.
The comments about 'blood on your hands', and 'do you want to be responsible for introducing him to someone and hurting them' are so extreme. The OP said this was a nice person, and there are comments to the effect of 'he may snap, and you dont want to be responsible'. Those comments are kind of ridiculous, as many people are stressed and frustrated, you just never know to what level most the time. The media broadcasts these animals that commit horrific crimes on society, and those are people around 1:100,000 maybe, maybe 1:200,000. And yet, so many people assume the person sitting next to them could snap at any moment. Yes there are bad seeds out there, but more than likely, the ones that really lose it have a lot more wrong with them than being 'frustrated'.
Hopefully this guy pulls out of his rut. And a few simple things may make all the difference in the world. After being around some people that are 'angry' or 'frustrated', I have learned that being someones friend doesn't mean you have to drink alcohol together. Sometimes car shows and paint ball is better than a night of drinkin and trying to meet women. Maybe do some safer non-alcohol related events with him if you have anything in common, cause more than likely, those social activities will make a bigger/better impact on his mental state than the boozing will.
I think the complicated part is that he isn't entirely wrong. Probably the case is that he wants something that actually isn't possible. (IE) He want's a clingly (boy/girl level) relationship and at the same time just wants it to be a sexual fling?
When your out with him start telling what he is doing wrong as he is doing it wrong and explain it exactly because this isn't going to get solved with a wide blanketing solution. Keep in mind he doesn't know how to solve his problem anymore then you, if either of you knew it'd be solved. But you will know individual cases so elaborate those.
I would also suggest the book "The Evolution Of Desire: Strategies Of Human Mating". I don't think this book will solve his particular issue directly however it will improve his understanding around why we date, what things to expect as norms in the sexes, and strategies that both employ. He seems to be in a rut "view" of things. I wasn't sure if you could get him to read something though.
I don't know if I have the quite the issues this guy has, but I've had a series of dates that went nowhere. Getting rejected repeatedly can create a very bad spiral.
So what did I do.... Well, I stopped dating. Stop the cycle of getting your hopes up and getting them dashed. Some people build up their hopes on date so much, they're devastated when it doesn't go well. If you do the same thing over and over, and expect different results, you iz crazy.
I started taking classes in things I was genuinely interested in. I didn't take them to meet women, I was really interested in them. I'm talking acting classes, improv classes, going to museums, etc. Then I just naturally met people (men and women) that shared my interest.
I have no idea if that would work for your friend. Maybe he's already doing stuff like that. But encouraging these other interests and meeting people is a less confrontation way.
I don't know if I have the quite the issues this guy has, but I've had a series of dates that went nowhere. Getting rejected repeatedly can create a very bad spiral.
This is called "Learned Helplessness" where multiple failures at anything will make it so you eventually don't even try anymore... Even if you come across a 100% guaranteed win. This article explains it pretty well - Learned Helplessness « You Are Not So Smart
This is called "Learned Helplessness" where multiple failures at anything will make it so you eventually don't even try anymore... Even if you come across a 100% guaranteed win. This article explains it pretty well - Learned Helplessness « You Are Not So Smart
Good article. That's why I found taking up hobbies helped, because I could see myself getting better at something. Even if it's just playing darts, it's helpful to see yourself succeeding and improving. Then when the occasional disappointment comes (like a bad date) it's not a big deal.
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