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I'm starting to see that a close friend of mine, who's overly influental parents/platonic friends have him believe he's entitled to a woman because he's a nice dude, is rapidly turning into this:
No, he didn't type that, but that's how he rants to me when he fails with a girl he's into. I wan't to help him out before he lashes out at women. Not to sound superficial/jerky, but he's starting to project this outwardly and It's NOT a good look when I'm with the guy.........or when I throw a girl his way.
I've never really had this problem, so It's hard for me to give him help/perspective because I simply cannot relate. What can I do to help him get out of this mindset? He's the only one in our group of friends that's not really dating and never gets laid (he's nearly 30) and It's really hard to watch how badly it's ****ing him up, I wan't to help him before he goes nuts. I've been witness to a guy having a suicide attempt over this issue and it shook me up...don't want to have a friend go through that.
Yeah, cause that totally works with people that have issues like these.
Need something more in-depth and actually helpful so I can change his perspective and help him "see the light". I want to recommend him to some counseling but I heard that's mostly bull**** and insanely biased based on the personal opinions of the counselor.
It sounds like his issues are deeper than you can help with. But you could think about the welfare of those girls you are "throwing his way" and stop doing that...
It sounds like his issues are deeper than you can help with. But you could think about the welfare of those girls you are "throwing his way" and stop doing that...
When he started to exhibit this behavior, I stopped. Also, he's my bro, so yeah I try to help the guy out. I'd be a ****ty friend if I let him dig deeper into this behavior/mindset.
I can't see your attachment, so not sure what exactly you're referring to with it. However, is he the type of person you could have a since heart-to-heart talk with? If he isn't, you may need to just call him out on it, and tell him to knock it off.
And I definitely agree with zentropa, to not send innocent victims, I mean, women his way for him to treat badly based on his over-inflated sense of self-worth.
That's not a "nice guy", not even close. That's a psychotic, stage-five clinger.
A nice guy would have just been like, "Oh, I see. Well, thanks anyway."
I'm not sure where to begin to fix that mess.
Dude has to learn that not every woman is going to like him or even give him a chance. We've all been turned down without a chance, given chances and turned down and so forth. Eventually, you find the right one. But, why get mad at someone because they don't want a relationship with you? It's not like you can force love.
I don't think you can help him really. He is the kind of person that blames everyone for his failures except for looking at himself and trying to change. I've had someone go off on me like that; actually more than one person. You need to stop pitching females his way because that makes you look bad knowing how he is. Do you really want the blood of someone on your hands if he goes crazy and decides to kill her and himself? Your friend is a walking time bomb. Try to counsel him in a "soft" way, you know just when he starts complaining about females turn it back to him; ask him why does he believe he is a good guy and what is the feedback that the opposite sex gives him.
He sounds like he needs counseling. I once had a friend like this. He hated women, which stemmed from the fact his mom had abandoned him as a child. We was a very angry person. Not to freak you out, but the guy committed suicide in his 30's. Your friend sounds like he has major anger issues. I really think counseling is in order. He seems to need more than just your friendship. How would he take it if you suggested counseling? Also, what is his relationship with his mom like?
Tell him there is no such thing as a "nice" guy, because everyone can be nice people, but the kind of "nice" he is thinking is essentially a doormat for women which deprecates his self worth when he doesn't get what he wants because he thinks he is giving more than the other person. Tell him to respect himself more and not to just give in to women and to see them as his equal rather than putting them on a pedestal. I hate "nice" guys... Manipulative bastards. It's a total myth.
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he has to pull himself out
