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You just hit the nail on the head with my problem. My BF seems to not be able to show any affection. And I have never felt lonelier in my life. Problem is, if I complain, he MIGHT give in and touch me just a slight bit, but it's like it's being forced. I've started falling for him but I sense absolutely no vibes of a reaction at all from him. It's like he's dead inside when it comes to affection. He treats me like a good friend. We live together and he pays the bills and I help him. We usually plan some trips together. So we have some kind of connection but it's not at all physical for him. And at first it was a little, but now it's almost not at all. He NEVER EVER tells me I'm pretty or even that I look nice when I do, but elaborates in colorful words of introducing me to a picture of his drop dead gorgeous friends and ex's.. What's that all about????? Why would someone do that???? But.. on the other hand, he keeps me around. OH i tried talking to him and he just says that everything is fine and he's just not an easy person to read into..and that he's not easy to warm up to.. We've been together six months... sorry but I'm suffering greatly of loneliness. If anyone could die of it, I surely feel like it would be me. I feel desperate and in an uncontrollable situation.
This relationship definitely seems doomed. When someone is withholding and dismissive, it cuts deep and his behavior could be indicative of narcissistic personality disorder, and a person who does this is often a person who wishes to control you and your emotions.
Having a significant other who is withholding and dismissive can be very painful. You should ask yourself if the deep desperation and severe loneliness which his behavior induces is worse than being alone. If you're alone, you will not have to experience his pain-inducing behavior and being a puppet to his every move.
Some men like this enjoy making you dependent on their every whim - but denying affection and physical touch to a significant other is a form of slow torture. It leaves you always wanting, frequently upset, craving any small token of affection and touch, being in a state of longing, deprivation, and desperation.
Sometimes it's a matter of self-respect - if you respect yourself, you might want to disengage from someone who is so withholding and dismissive of your needs and wishes. And your needs and wishes are very normal.
P.S. I have no idea what the photos are below my post. They are not mine and I did not post them.
Last edited by matisse12; 07-10-2017 at 02:27 PM..
I think I only crave touch from certain people. Being touched in platonic manner by family, or other women. Nope. Can do without that. Especially if they want to make a thing of it. Like my grandfather wanting to squeeze and hug me. I hate it, and when he wants to hug, I usually don't put much effort into it, except when I 1st see him, where he wants me to squeeze him. I can't wait until I move. Then he won't know where I live, and I won't have to see him.
Touching a guy I find attractive, would be different. I welcome that. But not from anyone else-unless I happen to be very depressed and miserable.
I am the same way mostly. The only family member I welcomed hugs with was my grandma who passed. She just had a warmness to her that no one else had for me though she didn't have to hug me. Her pies fudge sewing were all made with love. My mom is really all I have now and so I am close with her but idk..it's just different somehow and the funny thing is that is her mom I am talking about. I guess it doesn't help that we butt heads. I do hug her because she wants it and I'd rather hug her than my aunt but I don't get as much out of it as she does.
So yeah aside from my deceased grandma, it's mostly a romantic thing with me as well.
I do hug my dogs though. Idk I'm weird. You could say it's from my mistreatment in life but I'm just a really selective person that needs to feel a very deep connection to someone before I enjoy hugging them.
Touch is not an active part of my life and I can and have easily lived without it. I don't really like being touched by other people anyway.
I'm going to agree. I spend a lot of time holding my cat and I do like that, but I don't feel a need to be platonically touched by family and acquaintances.
I long for the real hugging, hand holding and cuddling I used to get/give back when I dated. Being with/attached to someone is something I keep missing so much, but when I discovered how phobic I am about sex and that I'm asexual, I had to stop getting into dating relationships.
I literally just learned that people 'need' physical affection on a regular basis. I didn't realize being touch starved was a real or important thing. If I am really close to someone, I'll be affectionate- kisses, cuddling, hugging, handholding,etc but outside of that situation I don't need it or crave it.
I don't remember the last time I've had intimate touch and... it doesn't matter? Like that isn't at all a factor to my happiness. I really don't crave touch unless I'm deeply deeply sad and that's happened like once in the past two years so it doesn't have at all a large bearing on my happiness.
Apparently I've been this way since I was a baby. I used to hate being held for more than a few seconds and squirm until I was put down so I guess some of us are just born different.
I'm honestly blown away at how important people find it.
Maybe that's why strangers insist on hugging and touching-because they are lonely or touch starved themselves? Whatever it is, I hate that. I really prefer not to touch strangers at all, even handshakes are a bit repulsive.
People are different. I don't see why that's such a difficult thing to understand.
What I cant stand is false cuddles or kisses ... I see it all the time now and in Glasgow we were never demonstrative people..now its like Friends. and everyone rushes to cuddle a pal they saw two hours before, its fake and nonsense and means absolutely nothing except to show off..everyone wants to be like someone on TV...playing at being matey.. The only people I cuddle are my grandkids and my wee dog..
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I definitely don't need touch
