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I try to be realistic. There are a lot of things in this world that I have no control that could impact me. What I can directly control is a limited subset of things.
Corporate cowboy, that is an interesting perspective . Would it be fair to say that a survival defense is to avoid harmful circumstances? Usually an environment where a person's attitude overflows with negativity does drain a person.. I say this as a person who resided in a household where using derogatory statements about a person's character DOES affect the person.
There is truth in a bumper sticker that reads ' mean ppl su*k.
Usually a person can state a fact that is a huge wake up call in such away that it's not abrasive.
A negative person though does so for the bomb fall out. The after effects.
I respect a fact based on how or the intent delivered. Rarely do I shoot the messenger....yet if the messenger is eagerly anxious in listing the fuse...then yeah...it might be the messenger that needs readjusted.
That's easy. A baked-in bias towards the downside of anything and everything. I used to be a lot more negative, but it is ultimately an unrewarding way to go through life. If anything, it keeps one from actually enjoying life, friendships, and pretty much everything else. In other words, it's a self-defeating, self-fulfilling prophecy.
There's a big difference between recognizing the importance of eliminating toxic people from our lives vs. 'hating negative people' (which was the original post someone made).
This concept actually circles around to my original point re: psychology is based in doing what is best for our own mental health and surrounding ourselves with friendships/positivity so as not to be 'dragged down' or influenced negatively; it's not about 'hating' or 'judging' anyone.
It's true, but if you place boundaries to protect yourself from a negative person who is creating poor mental health issues and stress for you, they are likely to interpret that as hate or judgment. Why? Because they are a negative person, and apt to spin whatever you do in the most negative possible way. If they can throw some shade at the same time, saying that you're delusional for your desire to be happy, then bonus.
Got somebody in my life who has done this. But since our paths have parted ways, he can't hold a job, has strained his relationships with his friends and family, and has struggled to stay one notch above living in the gutter. Meanwhile I'm getting on with my life, enjoying my various projects and successes, nurturing happy, healthy relationships, making fun plans. He mocked me for wanting to be "happy" (I wish I could speak the word aloud here, he'd say it in a singsong, mocking way, like I'm a moron for this) but because I prioritize happiness, I get happiness.
I know some would refer to the "Law of Attraction"...that's a bit woo-woo for me, but it's kinda that concept.
Then there's the basic notion of projection. Someone with a hateful mindset will often assume everyone thinks as they do. Or that they're stupid if they don't. *shrug*
I suppose there is truth in both. We can work to deliver things in a painless way. At the same time, we can also work to develop thicker skin.
Exactly. When my younger sister walked up to me and declared that I would be a bag lady by the time I was 40 unless I gave up my career of choice and got a "real" job (like hers) it didn't sting because I was a snowflake. It stung because she was a habitual gloomy Gladys who never saw anything good in the decisions anyone around her made about their lives, and because she got her jollies out of being spiteful. She was also wrong, as she's been about the other family members she chose to make snarky cruel comments to. Another person she pronounced would be left barefoot, pregnant, and penniless if they stayed with their chosen spouse. Well, 35 years of marriage later they are two of the happier people I know. Gloomy Gladys and her razor sharp tongue haven't changed much, she's alienated most of the rest of the family, but it is still everyone else's fault.
Last edited by Parnassia; 02-13-2020 at 04:01 PM..
Exactly. When my younger sister walked up to me and declared that I would be a bag lady by the time I was 40 unless I gave up my career of choice and got a "real" job (like hers) it didn't sting because I was a snowflake. It stung because she was a habitual gloomy Gladys who never saw anything good in the decisions anyone around her made about their lives, and because she got her jollies out of being spiteful. She was also wrong, as she's been about the other family members she chose to make snarky cruel comments to. Another person she pronounced would be left barefoot, pregnant, and penniless if they stayed with their chosen spouse. Well, 35 years of marriage later they are two of the happier people I know. Gloomy Gladys and her razor sharp tongue haven't changed much, she's alienated most of the rest of the family, but it is still everyone else's fault.
Wow. I wish I had someone like her in my life, right now. I'd start a business and have her tell me that my business will fail. Or make an investment in a penny stock and have her "jinx" it for me.
Wow. I wish I had someone like her in my life, right now. I'd start a business and have her tell me that my business will fail. Or make an investment in a penny stock and have her "jinx" it for me.
Haha! Right? There's an old Saturday Night Live skit with a woman like that in it. Back in the days of Will Ferrell I think...
It's true, but if you place boundaries to protect yourself from a negative person who is creating poor mental health issues and stress for you, they are likely to interpret that as hate or judgment. Why? Because they are a negative person, and apt to spin whatever you do in the most negative possible way. If they can throw some shade at the same time, saying that you're delusional for your desire to be happy, then bonus.
Perhaps; but the point still is, what someone may perceive as 'hatred' doesn't make it so. Psychology is not based in 'hating negative people'; it's simply the understanding of how negativity (and positivity) can influence our mind and behavior. That they want to continue to throw shade (and refer to positivity as 'delusional') is precisely the reason why it's sometimes necessary to take action against the toxic behavior (by placing boundaries, as you indicate).
It's true, but if you place boundaries to protect yourself from a negative person who is creating poor mental health issues and stress for you, they are likely to interpret that as hate or judgment. Why? Because they are a negative person, and apt to spin whatever you do in the most negative possible way. If they can throw some shade at the same time, saying that you're delusional for your desire to be happy, then bonus.
Got somebody in my life who has done this. But since our paths have parted ways, he can't hold a job, has strained his relationships with his friends and family, and has struggled to stay one notch above living in the gutter. Meanwhile I'm getting on with my life, enjoying my various projects and successes, nurturing happy, healthy relationships, making fun plans. He mocked me for wanting to be "happy" (I wish I could speak the word aloud here, he'd say it in a singsong, mocking way, like I'm a moron for this) but because I prioritize happiness, I get happiness.
I know some would refer to the "Law of Attraction"...that's a bit woo-woo for me, but it's kinda that concept.
Then there's the basic notion of projection. Someone with a hateful mindset will often assume everyone thinks as they do. Or that they're stupid if they don't. *shrug*
Good post. I know this is simple thinking but I am very careful around people who make comments about others in this fashion: He's so fake. She's nice to your face. Those people, I don't pursue a close friendship with them, but I don't leave them out. What these people don't realize is that they are so negative (sensitive) that everyone else around them has to walk on eggshells.
I divorced my negative side! I am still recovering from his negativity.
He found something negative about any sunny day. Me "oh, how nice it is today." Him "it will rain soon."
Friends told me about a helicopter ride they won and he points out the recent accidents. We go on vacation to a beautiful resort and he gets hung up about a few kids who are loud at the pool. Grouchy all day but no balls to tell them to stop screaming. Always something to complain about but never doing anything to change it.
Negative people IMO are too lazy to change anything or greedy, jealous people. No empathy, they cannot be happy for someone else.
No, it is not being a realist. People who always find the hair in the soup aren't realists, they are Debby Downers.
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