Long term effects of bullying...

[Talia Ashway]

I can relate to all of you. I never suffered from any social problem while I was in school, I was liked by all and had 1 or 2 close friends. However I returned to my home country to pursue higher education and I have been ostracized from my batch, I'm not even fully aware of the rumours circulating about me in college because no one will tell me ; except I'm the terrorist and even if speak up for myself, its an act of terror.My roommate even has objection to the sound that's coming from my laptop as I'm typing this message.I have an exam tomorrow and I'm least bothered because I'm depressed as hell.

I don't have any friends here.

[BigV]

Originally Posted by bchris02

I was bullied relentlessly from seventh grade through college and it has definitely left its scar on me. Was anybody else on this forum bullied as a child and if so, how has it effected your life as an adult?

.....

If you don't mind my asking, how was your relationship with your parents? Also, do you have any siblings? The reason I ask, is that I was bullied also, pretty much from 3rd grade until 9th grade, but my biggest problem was parental abuse which affected me to a larger degree.

Also, how were you bullied? Were you taunted verbally or actually physically assaulted?

[lorelai4605217]

I, too, was bullied as a child. Up until a few years ago, it has not affected me. I think the only reason it has in recent years is that I have moved around a lot, and I live in a place where I feel like I am not accepted, and I have no social support.

I started to feel great about myself in college, where people wanted to be my friend and liked me for me and I wasn't the weird girl. Most of my 20s was like this too.

I moved away from my hometown and state in my 30s. The first town I lived in in New Mexico I felt like I was well accepted by everyone, considering everyone was related. 2 years later, I moved again, to a medium sized city in New Mexico. It was different than what I was used to. I had to get used to being the odd one out again, and encounter with what I perceive as inconsiderate behavior. If you were not from there or a longtime resident, you were not welcome. I hate going to stores, especially clothing stores, because I am always looked at weird, and am not treated as well as others. Meaning everyone else gets great customer service and they treat others who look like them with respect, and I get no manners from them and a vibe that either I'm not welcome there or "you're not welcome here, but I will help you anyway because I have to." Not everyone has treated me this way, and when I first moved to that city, everyone was very friendly.

Although I find the people in my current location friendly, I'm not far from the big city where I experience the same attitude in the previous paragraph.

I will admit a lot of my feelings does stem from how I was treated in school all those years ago. My 20s were fine, but when I moved to a place that doesn't seem accepting of me, low self esteem comes back, feelings of anxiety and depression come back, and everything associated with that.

[swgirl926]

For all of you on here that were bullied, what worse? The actual bullying, or the adults that refused to do anything about it? For myself, it's hard to say, but I know it really hurt when the teachers or other adults I counted on to protect me, didn't. I get the impression that the teachers who ignored, or even took the side of the bullies, had their insecurity issues and wanted to be "popular" themselves.

In junior and senior high school, I had a few people bully me, and saw others get bullied, because we either looked different or because we were "poor". I got the snotty comments from some of the "popular" girls, and the "you're ugly" comments from some of the guys. They pulled that "he likes you - just kidding!" garbage on me, too. For the longest time, I believed I was the ugliest thing alive, and to this day, if a guy expresses interest in me I think he's joking. I became introverted and extremely self-deprecating.

What helped was getting a part-time job when I was 16. I got to interact with people of all ages and realized I wasn't that bad. Then I looked at these bullies and realized that they treated others as poorly as they treated me. These "popular" people only seemed really popular with themselves. And making fun of other people for being "poor"? These were public schools that we went to, in a regular town, not some elite Manhattan private school. These people were just big fish in a small pond.

I've learned to redefine success for myself and not try to measure myself against other people. I also refuse to kiss the *sses of people like this. I'll be nice and fair with people, but I am nobody's punching bag. I still struggle with anxiety and depression, but this is all a journey and not a destination.

[brittvnvgl]

hi, my name is britt and i know exactly what you're going through. I've been bullied from the age of 5 up to the age of 17, it ranged from excluding me from class activities (like playing tag during break time) up to roumors about me being pregnant, constantly being called ugly and stupid, etc.
I've probably been bullied because i have adhd and so i was very present and impulsive. Also i'm just weird. i like to do exactly the opposite of what other people are doing, maybe as a result of being bullied because i need(ed) a reason for being treated differently. anyways, i now know i never deserved it.

i've felt alone and unaccepted for such a long period of time. the last two years of highschool were the worst. i felt like i had no friends at school, just some people that tolerated me. it made me so insecure. when i'd meet new people i instantly thought they already knew what was wrong with me. so i started acting different from who i really was. therefore, the friends i did have, never really felt like friends because they were friends with the 'other' me. the friends that did really feel like actual friends, i pulled way to close, i completely claimed them as my therapists, untill they'd had enough of me.

the things that had kept me really strong were the boyfriend i had, the techno(music) scene and studying.
the boyfriend i had made so many compliments about my looks (which i never really believed, but the attention just somehow felt fantastic, so i just enjoyed it). we dated for a year and i ended drastically, after we broke up i looked back at the relationship as him just being in love with my boobs instead of me and my personality. which made me even more insecure. (this is why it made the last two years so difficult, also because his friend were my friends, and after the break up things got really bad with them as well).
another thing that kept me really strong was my love for techno music and techno parties. the thing was, because i loved tehcno it felt like i had seen some light which other people didn't understand. it made me feel special. also the people at the parties were usualy on drugs like mdma which made them so nice and accepting of me. it was the first place i'd ever felt accepted. i cherished it so much. it was the place i could really be myself. now it also made me try drugs, but because of adhd the effects were never as i'd wanted them to be. so i never used, the loving people was enough to make me feel high, and my adhd made me energetic enough to party the entire night.
lastly, i'm very broadly interested. in high school i did pretty well, it made me pretty confident, like 'now it's not fantastic, but eventually these people will work for me'. horrible right? anyways, i worked pretty hard to get high grades, and i really enjoyed learning about stuff like math, economics, history and neurobiology (i'll be getting to that later). this kept me strong. also my mentor in highschool really draged me though everything, i could call her at 1am at night to cry about how much i missed my boyfriend.

the insecurity had made me do stuff i'm not proud of; i had sex with quite some people just because the attention made me feel pretty, i've tried and used quite some drugs, i teased other kids including my little sister (because there'd have to be at least one person 'less worthy' than me), i ended very close friendships because those people weren't 'cool' enough, and i was afraid they'd tease me because i was friends with them,
also i worried way to much, i think if i'd get myself tested i'd be diagnosed with something like anxiety disorder.
i never realised any of this until i moved away and became older.

so, once i graduated from highschool i went to study math in a different city; Nijmegen. and Nijmegen is one of the most social city's i've ever know. everybody is so nice and open to others. and especially when you start to study math, you're surrounded by socially awkward and insecure people. so we had introduction (when you spend a week doing all kinds of fun stuff to get to know the people you study with) and i knew these people were less 'cool' than me. so i ended up being one of the most popular people there because i was nice to everyone, and very funny and bla bla. and now everyone at school likes me because i am always nice.
also, i started experimenting with psilocybin (magic mushrooms) and lsd. for some reason it helped me see that the way i saw social situations wasn't a normal way to look at things. also, it made me less afraid of what people that disliked me could do. it made me feel free and happy and open, and i stoped worrying and overthinking. i doubt i'd be where i am today if i hadn't used psilocybin so regularly and forced myself to take a good look at myself. it thought me that being nice and spontanious to everyone would help me see that i am worthy and that everyone accepts me and there isn't much that imediately makes people dislike me.
lastly, i started working out. i run 5 km every two days. it makes me feel so proud of myself, and supresses the stress and worrying. also it makes me more confident about my body in the sense that it's healty.

i do still keep people a bit at a distance sometimes, but i now have alot of people around me that enjoy my company. and i am almost 100% at ease with myself. ofcourse, there's still some stuff i am insecure about, but not up to the extend where a can barely function because i worry so much.
therefore my advice is;
- move away and start somewhere new;
- be nice and spontaneous to every single person you meet, be sweet and caring, just help others out;
- try psilocybine;
- find out stuff you really enjoy, and do everything you like, you'll meet people that share your interest, you'll feel understood;
- find out what you're best at and go to the fullest;
- start working out, and really try to get to your maximum. i'll boost your confidence (and if you join a sports-club you'll meet new people that share your intrest;