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Hey,
Clearly this will be an odd story, but I want to dissect the psychological aspect of it. I few months ago I was on Okcupid and found a profile I was interested in. I wrote her a little letter to introduce myself, and she wrote back "you don't want to talk to me." I was confused by this, but pressed on, and wrote back "why?" She kept her guard up and said "you'll just be like the rest of the guys and call me a liar". My wheels were turning on this one and I told her to tell me what she meant by this. She wrote back "I flew to my father's funeral last week but my bags got stolen along with my ID. I've been wondering around the airport for a week now and I don't have any money to get back home". I felt sorry for the girl and continued that chat. We kept the chats general, and then I got curious.... "How much $ do you need", I asked
She said she needed $200. I checked my bank account, did some basic math and came to the conclusion that I could afford $200. I just got my tax refund back, so I was all set for a little bit and felt the need to pay it forward. You see, I am in a new city and one month I was short rent. A friend, who I barley knew at the time (granted unlike the girl above, we did meet in person) simply got out her checkbook and asked "how much do you need?" and wrote a check for rent. She didn't expect to ever get it back, but it would've always been on my mind and heart and I did pay her back.
Back to the current story, I got her info (along with DOB, SS# just so I could have "something" on her), and spoke to her on the phone to make sure she sounded legit. She did. She had a southern accent and everything checked out fine. I Western Unioned her the money (I even threw in $50 so she could get some food). She was very grateful, calling me her hero etc etc, and said that she is waiting for her confirmation number, but it still could be a few days before she got on a flight back home. Days and days went by with no luck. We'd text, but sometimes she would go MIA for hours. If you're sitting around an airport all day, wouldn't you be able to text non-stop? I kept on giving her the benefit of the dought. As the days went by, I started to lose hope. One day I didn't hear from her for hours on end and kept on texting her with no result. I got a little concerned and simply told her that I thought she was scamming me and because its the internet that I am a little caughtious. She wrote back and said that she was attempting to message me all day and she wasn't indeed not scamming me.
One day she called me and said that she would be taking the bus back home and she'd get my details and get me the money and thanked me for everything. I asked if she wanted to still meet up with me once this was set and done, she said "no". She continued to say that she liked me before this even started (um, the two or three generic conversations we had before money got involved) and she was "heart broken" when I thought she was scamming me. I thought (but did not say)Uh hello... do you not see what we did? I sent a stranger money online. I should have the right to have the scamming issue at least cross my mind once...
I just said "I am sorry, but please realize that when I didn't hear from you, I got worried that I'd never hear from you again". She again said "ok". She said that she could get the money to me on Monday. Monday came and went, as did Tues and Wed. I asked her if she could at least get it to me by Thursday. Today is Sunday, and I haven't heard from her sense.
Why would she continue to talk to me after she got my money? It was 2 weeks time frame where she continued to talk to me. If she was out just for my money, wouldn't she just stop the second the Western Union transaction went through?
I don't expect to hear from her. Money wise, I'm alright. The $250 isn't that much of a hit for me, and I wanted to pay it forward. I feel that karma will come for her. Clearly I was the one writing her first. Would someone go on a dating site and wait for someone to write them first? I would think if she was scamming me, she would've written me first.
Any thoughts?
Last edited by leadingedge04; 04-28-2013 at 03:44 PM..
She wants to stay in contact with you because she already knows that you "have a good heart." I think she scammed you and I think she's staying in contact with you because she sees you as an easy mark. (You don't wire $250 to complete strangers from dating websites – it makes you look spineless, desperate, and gullible – three traits all scammers look for in their victims.)
Stay in contact with her and see how long it takes for her to have "money problems/a sob story/a family emergency" again. I'm fairly certain something will happen within the next 60 days; hide and watch .
Thought: What's more useful to a scammer than a guy who gives her $250 once? A guy who will give her $250 again and again, against his better judgment and in spite of common sense.
She let you make the first move, because she was looking for someone who feels compelled to help other people. More people are willing to help someone who says, "No, thanks, I'm good, I don't need help" than someone who walks up and asks for help out of the blue.
In psychological terms, she acted exactly opposite the way you expected her to act at first. Then, to resolve the cognitive dissonance, you acted against your common sense and SENT MONEY TO A COMPLETE STRANGER. When the alarm bells started ringing, she manipulated you into ignoring them.
The interesting part here isn't why she is acting how she is acting. The interesting part here is why you let yourself get scammed, and why ignored your own BS-detector.
Next time, when someone tells you that you don't want to talk to them, take them at their word.
I don't but it does go back to a town in which she said she was in and when I did the Western Union I had to put in the town. I choose to help this person because she seemed sweet on her profile and I felt bad. I was stuck and she was in a similar situation. Can anyone trace back the social?
Yes, live and learn, but I feel like I paid it forward.
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