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I hate being a mother. I do love my son, he is a sweet little person, but I hate being a mother. All the abuse I had to take was associated with being a mother. I see other mothers sometimes being privileged with benefits, support, caring husband, respect etc... Me, on the other hand was always treated like second class citizen because of that. On the top of being birth control sabotaged and forced into motherhood, is this normal to feel such a resentment towards everything associated with motherhood?
I think you must separate your kid and the cinrcunstances involving having your kid.
He is your blood, your son. The other stuff, the way other mothers were treated, the way you were treated, birth control, etc, it all belongs to another sphere, and you should avoid dwelling in those thoughts.
Motherhood is a shock to the system to those of us who chose the timing. I can imagine it would be moreso if you didn't.
Are you a SAHM? Can you find a mom's group to join? Perhaps a moms morning out co-op. teh 24 x 7 nature of parenthood can wear on the best of moms. Don't be too hard on yourself but do find people you can talk to and time for yourself. Join a gym with child care. Trade off child care with another mom. Join a play group. You're going to be in this for a while.
Motherhood is a shock to the system to those of us who chose the timing. I can imagine it would be moreso if you didn't.
Are you a SAHM? Can you find a mom's group to join? Perhaps a moms morning out co-op. teh 24 x 7 nature of parenthood can wear on the best of moms. Don't be too hard on yourself but do find people you can talk to and time for yourself. Join a gym with child care. Trade off child care with another mom. Join a play group. You're going to be in this for a while.
My kid is 11 and lives with his dad. I don't have to do a lot of work. What upsets me is being forced into motherhood and observation of how mothers are treated. How quality of your life sinks as soon as you have a kid. How opportunities and doors close. How I missed out on getting my PhD and travels... Etc.... I don't think it is worth it.
I hate being a mother. I do love my son, he is a sweet little person, but I hate being a mother. All the abuse I had to take was associated with being a mother. I see other mothers sometimes being privileged with benefits, support, caring husband, respect etc... Me, on the other hand was always treated like second class citizen because of that. On the top of being birth control sabotaged and forced into motherhood, is this normal to feel such a resentment towards everything associated with motherhood?
Your situation sounds very difficult. Sounds like you're in a tough place. I hope you can find some support.
Your situation sounds very difficult. Sounds like you're in a tough place. I hope you can find some support.
There is no situation. Those are just feelings I am trying to sort out. Wondering if anyone else had such thoughts and observed something similar.
Thank you though.
While I'm not a mother, I can tell you that friends of mine who are have been known to admit to similar thoughts after a few glasses of wine... Even the ones who very much wanted children.
You're not alone in your feelings; there just seems to be an unwritten social rule that women shouldn't talk about or admit to such thoughts and feelings.
I hate being a mother. I do love my son, he is a sweet little person, but I hate being a mother. All the abuse I had to take was associated with being a mother. I see other mothers sometimes being privileged with benefits, support, caring husband, respect etc... Me, on the other hand was always treated like second class citizen because of that. On the top of being birth control sabotaged and forced into motherhood, is this normal to feel such a resentment towards everything associated with motherhood?
I think most women would feel the way you do in your situation. Motherhood involves a MAJOR sacrifice from the woman in terms of time, energy, pain (both physical and psychological), and money. If someone wants to have kids, then the sacrifice may be worth the benefits of "being a mother" (although friends of mine had an autistic child, and those benefits failed to materialize, while the sacrifices they had to make were infinitely more than expected). When someone did not want kids in the first place (like me), then the costs of motherhood are going to be especially burdensome.
You can love your son and hate the drawbacks of being a mother. Motherhood is not something integral to the female psyche: experiments with chimps have proven that it is behavior pattern learned very early in life, and when not learned early, remains a permanent deficit.
1. sorry you took Hollywood happy face description of motherhood as reality and then found yourself burnt in your false idea of what it will be like. Unfortunately, child is already here. Your son did not ask to be born. It was a conscious decision between two human beings, to have him. Right?
2. I absolutely do not buy into your "lost life, missed PhD and travel". YOU did not organize your life well enough to have a child, be a responsible parent, AND have all this accomplished. Once again, you sound like a person with very unrealistic life expectations and ideas, and all you have it being burnt by reality checks.
3. So you are not a mother. Tough. Says who you should be just because you have vagina? Be honest to yourself, your child father, and you son, and bow graciously out of motherhood. You either do this, or keep eating a hole in the stomach and only turning your and others lives into misery.
4. As a final point. I do greatly recommend a so so movie, but with a great punch line at the very end. The Waitress. No, of course, you are not her. Maybe, it will help others though.
Your son is 11 years old and does his father have full custody of him? Do you have to pay child support payments?
I am assuming your husband forced you into having a baby, thus the forced motherhood is this correct?
I appears to me it's not that you resent motherhood as much as you resent the father of your child that forced you into pregnancy and then he treated you like a second class citizen. Please don't ever allow anyone to treat you like a second class citizen.
I don't know how old you are but if you have your Master's Degree it's not to late to pursue your Phd. You might even qualify for a Fellowship or some sort of financial aid. Go for it, check out the University of Central Florida in Orlando or the University of Florida in Gainesville. Some courses at the universities are available online.
You need some counseling to help you get through this as I don't think it's motherhood or being a mother that is bothering you as much as the treatment you have received ... certainly not by your son ... but by someone else.
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