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Are you just venting or are you looking for solution to your situation? If it is a low intensity war as you describe, it takes two to war. Even passive aggression is extreme provocation. One needs to be actively engaged to find solution. If you want to keep your children's safety and health a priority, and not resort to divorce, then you need to change your behavior and determine to resolve your conflict through negotiation. If you are in an abusive situation, then report it.
I really needed to vent; I can't say I am confident that there is a solution to my situation. I can't negotiate anything with her because she won't go to counseling. I told her the next time she has one of her bipolar meltdowns, I will call the cops. I have been reluctant in the past because chances are they could blame me - the man gets blamed when it's a he said-she said -and then my life would effectively be over in terms of custody.
My spouse once uttered "I wish you were dead"...She was always an ambitious and covetous creature...She had horrible judgement when she met me...She thought I was going to be rich and famous. Well - I disappointed her...I don't think she ever loved me...When a person loves it is forever. After all of these years I have come to the conclusion that I don't want to spend another minute with a person who was always my enemy...I really regret leaving my prior wives....but I had kids with this one...other than the children who are fine adults...It was an utter waste of life.
They are 12 and 15 and yes, they have witnessed violent episodes. Just about a month ago, she woke me up at 3 a.m. (something she does a lot of) to start an argument. When I went to the bathroom, I came back and found her trying to take my bed and throw it out into the street. Of course I had to stop her.
She has also had these uncontrollable rages where she has destroyed entire rooms, thrown things at me or just around, and physically pushed me.
I'd just let her do her thing, and call the police. Let them handle it.
Then file for divorce after she has a couple assaults on her record. So you get a black eye and a cut lip. You'll also get the kids.
You do NOT have to "defend" yourself.
I knew a guy who married a total nutso. Two days after the wedding she had a garage sale and sold his clothing (still-in-the-package $50 shirts for 25 cents each), furniture ($12K dining set for $200) and everything else she could sell. He kicked her out and got a restraining order. She also got a restraining order on him. A few days later she came back to his home and kicked in the door. He stayed to protect his home and belongings, then called the cops. They BOTH ended up in jail, because he should have left out the back door when she kicked in the front door, according to the court.
My advice would be to let her wreak havoc, but call the police to witness it. Don't fight back.
Unless it can be proven that your wife is a danger to your children a judge will likely grant her physical custody and you visitation. Sometimes if the parents live close to each other the child/children will spend half the week with one parent and half the other. What happens more often is the father gets weekend visitation.
Yes, I'm 24 so this info pertains to my friends who had divorced parents ten years ago. A lot of it depended on the situation. I had three close friends in high school who had divorced parents.
Kid A: Mom and Dad lived in same town. Mom lived closer to school than dad. She spent half the week at mom's and half the week at Dad's. So she spent the school week with both parents and weekends alternated between the two. She has serious issues choosing men now that she is 23 and has set a pattern of dating seriously the worst people in the world. I have no idea how she came out this way because she has a lot going for her but she will settle for the lowest chump who treats her bad.
Kid B: Her mother lived in Boston her father lived in suburb next to Boston with good school so she lived with her father full-time. I think she went to her mom's apartment some weekends but it wasn't set in stone but because her father lived in a better school district than the mother, she lived with his all the time. He was a full-fledged alcoholic too and she still lived with him full time. I guess the mom was too busy dating and focusing on her relationships than to care about her daughter's well being. I don't know if this was court-ordered, but it worked for them. This one also has similar issues with dating men who lie, cheat, and are beneath her on the social hierarchy.
Kid C: Her mom had custody and she saw her dad every OTHER weekend. She was the most stable of the three and seems to date men that at least treat her well. She does a lot of drugs like smokes weed everyday and taking perscription pills that are not prescribed to her but she seems to have a good relationship with a man and is very close to her mother.
Kid D: Lived with mom full-time because father passed away at young age. She doesn't do drugs are is in a relationship with a man her family loves. She is about to finish college and become a professional. She has almost too high standards for men because she never saw the fighting or the bull**** so she is almost too mean and perfectionist. She seems like she has a good head on her shoulders.
Hopefully this helps someone. Mom's don't always get full custody.
OP, I just read that both of your children are teenagers. At least here once a child is about 12 or 13 they will let them appear in court and state where they want to live. Now it is still up to the judge to decide. If your wife has a bipolar attack and is threatening or throwing things and yelling and ripiing apart rooms, call the police. When they get there be as calm as you can and explain what happened. If she is off the wall nuts and you are calm they are more likely to believe you. If the kids have seen what has happened they should talk to the police as well. It is so sad that your kids are teens and have lived their whole lives around this stuff.
OP, I just read that both of your children are teenagers. At least here once a child is about 12 or 13 they will let them appear in court and state where they want to live. Now it is still up to the judge to decide. If your wife has a bipolar attack and is threatening or throwing things and yelling and ripiing apart rooms, call the police. When they get there be as calm as you can and explain what happened. If she is off the wall nuts and you are calm they are more likely to believe you. If the kids have seen what has happened they should talk to the police as well. It is so sad that your kids are teens and have lived their whole lives around this stuff.
Yes, this.
Teenaged kids are generally allowed to choose where they live. If your wife is having crazy episodes, they might even be able to opt not to see her at all if they so choose.
I'm not sure what lawyers you've been talking to, but maybe you should try some new ones.
I have come to the realization that I hate my wife. We have had a bad marriage for countless years, but recently it has taken a turn for the worse. It's really a low-intensity war with two people barely tolerating each other living sullen lives in a home we can't leave for family and financial reasons. I didn't ever want to get to this point, but I truly do hate her. But I still also love her - I am still attracted to her, she is the only person I have ever loved, and we have children together. What an intractable, horrible situation it is.
Is it possible to love and hate someone at the same time?
I don't think you even come to the forums anymore, but it's a trip that you are also a regular poc poster, describing to a tee my marriage. the only thing is, i'm the wife. i used to feel love for him as a person and the father of my children, but now all there is is repulsion. i don't want to live with him or watch him play/text on his phone all night. i don't want to talk to him like everything is all good. i just want to have my own life, but i am in no situation to leave. if he files for divorce i'll probably get to stay in the house and have primary custody. but he's said he's not going to do that. so we are stuck in a stalemate. I'm just so tired.
I don't think you even come to the forums anymore, but it's a trip that you are also a regular poc poster, describing to a tee my marriage. the only thing is, i'm the wife. i used to feel love for him as a person and the father of my children, but now all there is is repulsion. i don't want to live with him or watch him play/text on his phone all night. i don't want to talk to him like everything is all good. i just want to have my own life, but i am in no situation to leave. if he files for divorce i'll probably get to stay in the house and have primary custody. but he's said he's not going to do that. so we are stuck in a stalemate. I'm just so tired.
Hi. I have been gone for a while because I get banned a lot for fighting the racists over on POC. I am sorry your life is going the way it's going. I, too, feel tired and stuck. My older boy will be in college in less than a year (inshallah), but the baby will just be getting into high school. Life with the wife continues to be impossible.
Hi. I have been gone for a while because I get banned a lot for fighting the racists over on POC. I am sorry your life is going the way it's going. I, too, feel tired and stuck. My older boy will be in college in less than a year (inshallah), but the baby will just be getting into high school. Life with the wife continues to be impossible.
sorry to hear that. mine are only 8 and 5, so you know i'm stuck. plus everyone of my friends and family are back in cali, so we just have his fam and friends to depend on, so I'm screwed
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