Not sure if this is a way of making sure you never get abused?

[BirdieBelle]

Originally Posted by FloraBelle

But hopefully if I do end up talking to my campus counselor, they won't phone my parents? I'm already 21 years old.

The high school counselor told your parents because you were a minor and by law she was required to do so.

You are not a minor anymore, and your sessions would be confidential. Nobody can tell you how many session "in total" because it depends on the extent of your problems.

Yes, the behavior you are describing, the idiotic test idea, is abusive. Go see a counselor on campus. It probably will be free. You need serious help.

And get on the pill. Do not even consider having a serious relationship and especially children until you have this stuff from your past worked out.

[FloraBelle]

Originally Posted by NilaJones

Usually an abuser starts with being just a little bit controlling, often in very early dating.

He (of course it can be a she, but for simplicity I will say he) will do things like say you dress too sexy when you go out, or ask you to change your hair. Then he progresses to disapproving -- subtly at first -- of your connections with friends and family.

So far neither of them did this. I think I'm having some guilt.

Originally Posted by NilaJones

Over time, bit by bit so you don't notice, you end up walking on eggshells around him, always worried he will get upset over something.

This is similar to how my ex bf described on his break-up long letter he left on the table before walking away. Parts of it said ''It's gotten to the point where I wanted to cry badly. I don't know what you want. Everything I say, do or don't is wrong. What will make you happy? I'm writing this to you as I don't want to end this in person, etc...
He ended it with an ''Hope you realize I'm walking out of your life now''.

At first I thought he was really overdoing it. I just never thought that would come close to making a man want to cry.

I'm noticing my current bf has been slightly distant ever since last week. He doesn't seem to talk that much or we don't have intimacy like before.

[Zymer]

Originally Posted by FloraBelle

So far neither of them did this. I think I'm having some guilt.

This is similar to how my ex bf described on his break-up long letter he left on the table before walking away. Parts of it said ''It's gotten to the point where I wanted to cry badly. I don't know what you want. Everything I say, do or don't is wrong. What will make you happy? I'm writing this to you as I don't want to end this in person, etc...
He ended it with an ''Hope you realize I'm walking out of your life now''.

At first I thought he was really overdoing it. I just never thought that would come close to making a man want to cry.

I'm noticing my current bf has been slightly distant ever since last week. He doesn't seem to talk that much or we don't have intimacy like before.

YOU are driving them away. You need some serious help. If you continue to attempt to provoke a violent reaction, eventually you are going to succeed...you didn't with the previous one, and you may not with the current one (if he is smart enough to leave too) but some day...some day when you have driven the better ones off, you will meet up with someone who is as damaged as you are, and he won't be strong enough to just walk away; he will fail your 'test' and you will say "See! I knew it was going to happen!"

You will think you have been 'vindicated', and expect people to feel sorry for you. But it will not be vindication- it isn't much different from throwing lit matches at a bucket of gasoline. You *know* that if you hit with one, it is going to explode but you keep doing it. Eventually you will land one and you will get burned. Your actions are premeditated, designed to achieve a particular reaction. Sooner or later, if you don't stop, you WILL get the reaction you seek...it's only a matter of statistical probabilities.

You seem to be acting out of a masochistic compulsion, as though you *want* someone to hurt you, to abuse you, so that you can feel 'justified' in your feelings that men are abusers. But, as others have said, it is *you* who are abusing *them*.

[Findingpositiveinnegative]

I think you need to seek some professional guidance. This is not a healthy way to form relationships! Verbal abuse although not physical, carries more scars than physical abuse. To be testing people about to become closest to you sounds like a learned behavior, maybe even the way you were treated in the past. This behavior is dysfunctional, and this action is setting up all of your relationships in a dysfunctional manner. Is this a way to assure control over these individuals? Sometimes people do things like this as a manipulative tactic to control that persons emotions. Your "tests" are divulging the tested's weaknesses and strengths which gives you overwhelming control over them. Maybe your starting off with individuals who have a questionable history, that is something you can change. If you want to stop being hurt by people you have to start by changing yourself. You are the only one who you can change.