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I am trying not to become that way,but I am beginning to fall fast.I have always tried to be courteous to others feelings and opinions,but when people will not return the respect,it can make you slowly become cynical and on the offensive.
Thank you.This thread actually made me feel better and made me realize that I really dont want to be embittered because others may be.
Seriously,thank you.Good little shot of therapy.
I have a male cousin, age about 55, who had a truly horrendous childhood. He is consumed with bitterness toward his father (now deceased) and an older brother. At least he has made sustained efforts to understand how his childhood limited him and to better himself. However, conversations with him are somewhat wearying because they consist of long monologues about his self-analyses and his efforts at self-therapy.
Of course I feel sorry for him - I'm not sure I would have survived his childhood without being imprisoned or committed to a mental ward. However I don't know how to help him, so I limit the visits and the conversations. But I am willing to be his sounding board because we are cousins and I knew him when he was a child.
i dont understand the situation that you are talking about. i think you can appear bitter in most any situation. i think christ was maybe seen as bitter by some when he asked god why he had forsaken him.
we all get bitter at some point but for most its temporary.
name calling people bitter however on CDF relationship threads happens alot. it happens alot when you call women on their stuff, like the 42 million divorces we had since 1975.
Last edited by Huckleberry3911948; 10-13-2014 at 09:11 PM..
Some people in my life are completely consumed with bitterness. They feel they somehow got "cheated" in life (usually in childhood) and that is why they are not happy. When I talk to them, the bitterness is all they can discuss. Any normal conversation is short before it turns to the current subject of that anger/bitterness. The focus of their bitterness changes, but the intensity remains the same. Sometimes they are bitter because of some slight they believe their parents imposed, sometimes at a sibling who they are jealous of. (I am talking about people over 50 years old, not angry teens to 20 somethings). Their bitterness seems to consume them entirely. I suspect when I am not seeing them, they are just sitting around brooding over the perceived slights from childhood. Their basis for the bitterness may start with something justified, but it grows and then they exaggerate the slight until they start claiming things happened that did not happen. I think in their minds, the thing they have exaggerated into being to support their bitterness actually occurred (but i know it did not).
I do not know how to deal with such person. If you say much, their bitterness gets turned on you. If you call them out on it, they just blame you for something. A lot of times I just listen and say nothing. I have no idea what to say or what approach to take. I am afraid these people are going to turn their venom to one person after another and end up not talking to anyone and dying alone and without any human contact.
Is there a name for this? Is there a solution?
You cannot help them. They are choosing to hold onto whatever hurt them. Until they let that go, they will be stuck. Talking to them and telling them to stop being bitter wont help because they feel they were wronged and justice wasn't done to them. I think the only way they will get over bitterness is if they get even with the person who wronged them, or they have to let it go.
In the meantime, if you say something and they insist on bitterness, keep walking. You cant help them.
I am dealing with bitter person at my work. So I understand how you feel. My suggestion is.. Don't try anything to make bitter person happy. Because more you try,, that person will be more resist.
We are human. Humans are not steady. Our emotions keep changing. Some ppl are emotionally change worse, some are don't. Bitter person is usually hold their anger. And the root is very very deep inside their chest. That's not something you can fix it or make it better at all.
I am looking at bitter person this way. Bitter person try to giving you message that she or he is very angry about you recently or long time ago what you have done said or do. So bitter person keep shun you, because she want you feeling hurt, angry, miserable, even worse she wants you over worry that you get mistreated by her, or she want you to quit your great job you hold. Even tho all others like you, because this bitter person can not control her anger, she want you to quit. Every morning when you walk into the office, she has to see your face. She hates that. And you always smile at her say good morning to her, it make her angry.
No matter how creepy your feelings are, keep doing that. Heads up, shoulder straight smile on your face good when you see her or him.
Now those bitterness emotion trait, I see as evil as myself Christian. Idk what is your religious.
They want you to fail, give it up, over worry, unhappy just like them.
I believe in God. And God told us be happy every moment. Be appreciate. So I know, God doesn't want me to dealing with evil who get in some humans body stair their emotion and try to make your emotion messy too.
Don't engage with evil soul. Because then, you give them what they want.
I have avoided someone like this as well. This person is not happy unless things go his way. He wants everything and everyone to line up with his preferences. He is easily angered and offended when things don't go his way. Before I quit hanging around him he used to focus on getting an airplane. Even going so far as to say that he "deserves" it. He has been bitter and resentful for as long as I can remember. I finally got the sense that he was not going to be happy unless he got an airplane and so I quit hanging around him. I remember a birthday party someone threw for him and after all his presents were opened, he quipped: "Now where is my airplane?" That was 5 years ago and those who still hang around him still say that he talks about an airplane over and over and rarely cares to ask about anyone else's life. Bitterness is written all over his face. Self absorption and bitterness are not a very good combo.
Some people in my life are completely consumed with bitterness. They feel they somehow got "cheated" in life (usually in childhood) and that is why they are not happy. When I talk to them, the bitterness is all they can discuss. Any normal conversation is short before it turns to the current subject of that anger/bitterness. The focus of their bitterness changes, but the intensity remains the same.
I agree with what appears to be the majority opinion: avoid them.
When I encounter people like this I consider them as toxic people and I minimize my interactions with them as much as possible, or avoid them entirely if that is an option.
The very first thing you need to understand is that, if their feelings effect or disturb you, they may be exposing or triggering the very same or similar feelings inside of you that you cannot or will not acknowledge or face. The comical phrase: If ya spot it, ya got it, sums up the dynamics of hidden or denied feelings, attitudes, behaviors inside of one person who sees or feels it inside of another person all because they BOTH have the same inner conditions or states. Angry people can spot angry people, miserable people spot miserable people, happy people can spot happy people, etc.
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If you say much, their bitterness gets turned on you. If you call them out on it, they just blame you for something.
That may be a matter of diplomacy or HOW you say much or call them on it and they may sense that you too are about as bitter or unhappy as they are so they will resent your "meddling". Generally, unhappy people CANNOT help other unhappy people.
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A lot of times I just listen and say nothing. I have no idea what to say or what approach to take.
If you are holding down or hiding similar pain, anger, misery, then saying nothing may seem like a tacit judgement to the other miserable person and, if you are secretly miserable, there isn't much that you can effectively say or do. You would have to be emotionally clear and resolved in order to HELP someone in emotional pain.
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I am afraid these people are going to turn their venom to one person after another and end up not talking to anyone and dying alone and without any human contact.
Unless you are an experienced therapist or self healed, there isn't much you can do other than to MODEL healthy, happy and OK behavior and allow the bitter person to see the benefits of mental health.
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Is there a name for this?
Unresolved grief or Repressed pain or unhealed trauma, PTSD and a few other fancy terms.
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Is there a solution?
Emotional therapy, spiritual stuff like Meditation and Buddhism, psychotherapy, hypnotherapy, self hypnosis, Reiki work, anger work, 12 step support groups like ACA or CODA and a few 100 other emotional/mental solutions including some drugs. The key is for the suffering person to WANT HELP and then go seriously LOOKING FOR HELP.
good luck
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If ya spot it, ya got it!
