Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Why is it with women they either hate you or love you, there is no indifference or just friendly relations. ................. there is no middle path or just dropping by?
Women's lives are full of men who are middle ground, indifferent or friendly, not more than that. It includes every man at work, and probably the gas station attendant and store clerk. It includes all the contractors and their auto mechanic and all of their husband's friends.
But guys who just want to drop by are not normally just interested in a friendly chat. They are most likely looking for no strings casual sex.
If OP is looking for a casual buddy to talk to and have a cup of coffee and gossip, then he is not making that clear. If he is looking for an indifferent sexual hook-up, then he is a user and no, women aren't going to want to have any sort of non-relationship with him.
Women's lives are full of men who are middle ground, indifferent or friendly, not more than that. It includes every man at work, and probably the gas station attendant and store clerk. It includes all the contractors and their auto mechanic and all of their husband's friends.
But guys who just want to drop by are not normally just interested in a friendly chat. They are most likely looking for no strings casual sex.
If OP is looking for a casual buddy to talk to and have a cup of coffee and gossip, then he is not making that clear. If he is looking for an indifferent sexual hook-up, then he is a user and no, women aren't going to want to have any sort of non-relationship with him.
I'm not quite sure why that would surprise him?
I think what the OP is really trying to allude to is, why are they so outrageously afraid of no strings casual sex that they kill off casual friendships as well? They can't certainly be so helpless that they can't manage to keep encounters non-sexual with obvious non-rapists?
It is helpful to see hate as the flip side of love, rather than the opposite of love. The opposite of love is indifference, as you can't hate someone you don't care about. When a woman declares "I HATE YOU!!!!!" all she is saying is that she loves you but is horribly disappointed or frustrated about something that she has probably been tolerating for too long, and as a result is (in the moment!) very angry and feels subjectively betrayed. When this sort of thing happens you can at least realize that she still loves you, because if she didn't love you she would just ignore you and would have no reason to be angry. Many a man has mistaken the sudden cessation of hostilities as evidence that all is well, when all it means is she has mentally left the relationship. Then one day -- bam!! -- she files for divorce, just when you thought everything was getting way better.
Women, emotionally speaking, live much more in the moment and inhabit their feelings of the moment. What for a guy would be flitting between polar opposites (I love you / I hate you) is just how they happen to feel. When feelings run high enough, they can't keep things in perspective. It isn't that they can't make up their mind, they cannot integrate or average or rationalize their feelings in ways that guarantee you will never have to have the hideous experience of hearing hateful things like "i hate you", "I wish I had never married you", "At times like this I miss my late prior husband", and so on.
If you want to live in daily intimate proximity to a woman you had best get used to this. It is what it is. And lest the ladies think I'm being sexist, I fully realize that there are some things you had best get used to also, if you want to be with a guy. Like forgetting anniversaries, refusing to consult maps, a tendency to think we have "conquered" or "won" you like some kind of trophy and no longer have to prove ourselves, a proclivity for making rude noises we would never have put on display on a first date, etc.
The truth is that people of either gender are messy and not an exact science and there is no "happily ever after", or "room without windows or doors" where all is an endless gauzy enraptured love making and worry free frolic through the Elyssian Fields. This is what we envision when we are courting, and none of us ever gets it, not really. What we get is two flawed human beings making things up as they go.
Mordant, I'm definitely not the type to get offended over perceived "sexism" but you gotta also keep in mind that there are LOTS of men who are like you describe (ruled by emotion) and lots of women (like me) who are very even-keel and operate on thoughts over impulse and feeling.
My partner (male) has to deal with me being "aloof" or "cold" (his words) rather than being the extreme, almost bipolar, woman that you describe.
I think what the OP is really trying to allude to is, why are they so outrageously afraid of no strings casual sex that they kill off casual friendships as well? They can't certainly be so helpless that they can't manage to keep encounters non-sexual with obvious non-rapists?
I don't think most of them are helpless when it comes to relationships with men. If they choose not to have them it's because they are not looking for that type of relationship, whatever they think that relationship means. For most people friendship does not equal sex. Even most men don't have sex with their male buddies. We shouldn't really force other people to do things they don't want to do because we think we have all the answers and because it's convenient to us. We really don't know how others feel for sure, saying that they are afraid it's just especulation. Let's try to respect people's choices and feelings.
Mordant, I'm definitely not the type to get offended over perceived "sexism" but you gotta also keep in mind that there are LOTS of men who are like you describe (ruled by emotion) and lots of women (like me) who are very even-keel and operate on thoughts over impulse and feeling.
My partner (male) has to deal with me being "aloof" or "cold" (his words) rather than being the extreme, almost bipolar, woman that you describe.
A fair point, I speak only from my own experience. Men have their own version of crazy and it often ends in physical rather than verbal violence. I acknowledge that there are exceptions for both genders that prove the rule.
Men and women just baffle each other so much. One of life's great disappointments, IMO. They both just want a simple relationship that flows and in general, neither gets it. I researched this once and ran across a study that talked about a phenomenon called "vital marriage" which they defined as a situation where the relationship is the greatest joy of both parties and where there is minimal conflict. Near as I could tell from their stats, this describes one or two percent of all marriages, and depending on how they figured that out, my guess is that half of those may have BS'ed the researchers as it's human nature not to want to just frankly admit that your relationship is less than you'd hoped for.
I've come to the conclusion that I was a born idealist. I used to think that was good and noble but now I see it as maladaptive thinking. Life is what it is and people are what they are and I figured that out way too late in life :-\\ Apologies to those of you who read this and go, "well, DUH ..."
Why is it with women they either hate you or love you, there is no indifference or just friendly relations. Like I can call any random guy, even 1 who I just talked to once from work or school to hang out and he is cool with it. But for a woman she will be like who are you, and pretend to not know who you are and clearly be hostile about it?etc.
Its like with woman they are either madly and passionately in love with you and want to be surgically joined at the hip or want you out of their universe, there is no middle path or just dropping by?
Not ALL women are like this. However, I would expect this behavior to be more prevalent with younger, and less experienced women. (typically in their 20's).
Ironically it is the reverse, I can easilt find women to hook up with, it is keeping that kind of casually distant non friendly non sexual relationship that seems doesn't exist with women. They either love you or hate you. There is no middle ground. When they love you they seem not to care if I bang 6 other girls right infront of them tomorrow morning they will come back.
I hope that I can keep peace and happiness in my relationship.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
