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I know its not possible to diagnose someone without meeting them, but I'm pretty sure my ex-boyfriend is BPD. Please tell me what you think, those who know BPD better than I do.
I'll try not to ramble too much but let me give you a short history of our relationship. He seemed to be madly in love with me right away. Our first date he was already telling me he loved me, asking me to marry him, telling me I can't date any other guys, I was on "lock down," etc. I thought it was weird but I liked him so kept seeing him. But then as I started noticing more and more red flags and suspicious behaviors, I kept trying to break if off but he kept talking me out of it and kept pursuing me.
He was very controlling and insanely jealous. He would text me throughout the day and if I was anywhere but home, like at the store, he would freak out and tell me to go straight home and not talk to anybody. He would text me until I told him I was home. He was terrified I would meet someone else and leave him I guess. He told me I couldn't leave the house without his permission, unless I was with family.
He begged me not to hurt him and constantly threatening to kill me if I ever cheated on him. He said if any guy texted or called me he would trace the number and kill him. He made me leave my phone on with the ringer on when I was with him. One time while we were broken up I did talk to other guys, and when he looked through my phone and saw the texts, he hit me for hours, making my nose bleed and leaving bruises on my face which lasted for weeks. Other times he would smack me for no reason, pull my hair, and liked violent sex also. He said he couldn't enjoy sex unless it was violent. I always had bruises.
Then he accused ME of being overattached to him, and said he was afraid I would become suicidal if the r/ship ever ended. Hello...I had been the one trying to break things off, and I wasn't the one acting insanely jealous and paranoid.... Was that projection?
He thinks I'm the one who is delusional and obsessed with HIM. I've kept a log of each time one of us has contacted the other since we broke up in December, and for every one time I contact him he contacts me 10-15 times so even though he claims I'm the one stalking him its the other way around. I've told him to stop contacting me but he says no and then does it anyway. Each time he contacts me he tries to get together with me and says stuff like he will never forget me, that I'm his for life, that I will always love him, asking me to name my children after him, threatening my new boyfriend, asking personal questions about our sex life. Its almost like he's obsessed.
But then the next sentence he will say "We are just friends get it through your head!" Hello...I'm not the one doing it. I kept a log of all our contact to prove that he's the one pursuing me, I'm not delusional like he claims. Projection?
When we were together he would declare undying love for me one day, ask me to marry him, plan a pregnancy, tell me he loves me with all his heart, etc., then a few hours later break up with me, or rudely cancel our plans for some other friend. "Friend" meaning another woman on the side. He had a harem of women, mostly exes, that he calls and texts all the time to keep them hooked on him. He cheated on me the whole time, with his ex-girlfriend and also with online dating sites.
He also had a history of hard drug use, getting into fights, unplanned pregnancies, arrests and jail. He was also constantly lying about everything. He uses and manipulates people for his own benefit.
He can't stand to be alone. He is constantly on his phone, either calling or texting one of his girlfriends. He hardly has any guy friends but he is always pursuing women, and always has to have a girlfriend, but cheats on her the whole time. He has a new girlfriend since we broke up but he still calls and texts me every few days.
He obviously has something wrong with him. Does it sound like he could be a male Borderline? Thanks for the help!
Get as far away as possible from this person. Why are you still obsessed with him? Why is your life tangled up with his at all? Why haven't you blocked him from your phone?
Yes, he's crazy, and so are you if you give him one more minute of your time, or the space in your head. Rid your mind of this toxic person and quit even trying to figure him out. And relish the fact that you're alive and relatively unhurt physically. It could be a lot worse.
He'll make the news one day, if he hasn't already. Best if it's not your blood on his hands. Cut all ties.
It appears to me that this gentleman needs some help. With all the red flags,I don't understand why you continue to allow him to keep in contact with you,I would be doing everything I could to prevent it! Block him from your phone,etc. If all else fails,I personally,would get in touch with the local law enforcement agency. Not only does he appear to be a danger to himself but more so a danger to others! Only my opinion....
By the way moongirlOO... "Borderline Personality Disorder?" BORDERLINE????? That doesn't even come close to describing the gentleman in question
All that is left for me to add to this is that if you continue to keep in contact with him...you will only be adding more fuel to the fire...totally ignore him (while you still can)
Thanks for the replies! You all are right, he is dangerous and I have moved 60 miles away mostly to get away from him, and he doesn't know where I live, and my address is unlisted. He does have my cell though but there's no way he could find out where I live. So I feel pretty safe.
As for the other questions, we broke up months ago but I can't stop thinking about it and processing it. I don't know why, I just need to understand his behavior. It doesn't make sense to me at this point, and the confusion just keeps me wrapped up in it. Not to mention the fact he is still pursuing me, and he still knows how to manipulate me.
Shadow I'm curious what do you mean when you say Borderline doesn't come close to describing him?
Thanks for the replies! You all are right, he is dangerous and I have moved 60 miles away mostly to get away from him, and he doesn't know where I live, and my address is unlisted. He does have my cell though but there's no way he could find out where I live. So I feel pretty safe.
As for the other questions, we broke up months ago but I can't stop thinking about it and processing it. I don't know why, I just need to understand his behavior. It doesn't make sense to me at this point, and the confusion just keeps me wrapped up in it. Not to mention the fact he is still pursuing me, and he still knows how to manipulate me.
Shadow I'm curious what do you mean when you say Borderline doesn't come close to describing him?
The definition of borderline:an area between two conditions;such as hot & cold,love & hate,etc. You're correct in saying..."I know its not possible to diagnose someone without meeting them, but I'm pretty sure my ex-boyfriend is BPD. Please tell me what you think,"
None of us here can "diagnose" the gentleman you refer to. All we can do is give our opinions and advise. While reading your original post it sounds like a Psychotic Disorder and once again that is only my opinion.
Thank you for the info Shadow! I did look myself up on some of those sites and my current address isn't on there. It is really scary how easy it is to get someone's addresses just by having their name or email address.
Shooting Stars yep definitely I agree with you that he is probably a sociopath.
Does Psychotic Disorder mean he's delusional? He did seem to have delusions of persecution when we were together, like if he asked me to make him a drink, every time he would tell me not to put poison in it. I thought he was joking at first but in hindsight I think he was probably serious... He really thought I wanted to poison him? It was the furthest thing from my mind...
I guess the delusions of me cheating on him too, which was just projection since he was cheating on me. And his delusions that I'm obsessed with him and will always be in love with him. Its true I'm not over the r/ship, but I am definitely over HIM, and would never ever get back with him.
Anyways, this is helping a lot. Thanks again for all the replies. I'll research more into Psychotic Disorder.
I think it sounds like he has co-occurring disorders. Narcissistic personality disorder and/or sociopath. Run away fast. He is emotionally, physically and verbally abusive...oh, sexually too. Change you phone number and do whatever it takes to never make contact again. You probably miss all the attention he gave you and are in shock that he professed undying love for you and then went and had sexual relations with a bunch of other women. It is like pouring milk into a bucket with a hole in it...you'll never understand him so just get rid of him.
I have experience with a guy like that way back in highschool. I couldn't get rid of him and was worried he would hurt me and my entire family. My parents put their house for sale and I never told him...we just moved and disconnected my phone and never saw or heard from him again!
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You all are right, he is dangerous and I have moved 60 miles away mostly to get away from him, and he doesn't know where I live, and my address is unlisted. He does have my cell though but there's no way he could find out where I live. So I feel pretty safe. 
