Is being too strong a weakness? (mentally, men, parent, problems)

[ur2cdanger]

I am generally a strong person mentally. But recently I have been feeling that this is making me weak. Everybody comes with their problem and moaning to me and I listen. I generally don't tell anybody about my problems and most of the time I will manage my own problems. But just because I never let out anything, people seem to take it for granted that I will be OK and fantastic all the time. Nobody is ready to listen to me and don't even consider it. My parents think I can handle any situation and they don't need to worry about me. My friends think they can come up to me with any problems and I will solve their problems but they never seem to see the problems within me. All they see is I'm happy always and I don't need any support.

But its not. I have my own problems and just because I don't vent it out doesn't mean I don't need any support. My parents, friends everybody think that way and there is none to even support me or stand with me. When people feel so sorry and considerate for other's lesser known pains and sufferings,nobody is ready to even acknowledge my grave problems that I have been going through.Even now I say I can handle any situation. I can solve them on my own. What I want is people around me to acknowledge that I also have problems and they don't even do that. I have been listening other's problems, solving my own problems on my own and all of a sudden there is nobody to listen to me. Off late I am getting too irritated when people come to me with their problems. I feel like telling them to **** off but I am unable to do that. Tell me what should I do now? Does being too strong making me weak?

[Billy_J]

You can get started talking about your problems right here right now!

What are your problems?

[mordant]

Probably you just need to drop the pretense that you have no problems of your own, be more open and vulnerable with others. That doesn't mean you expect them to solve your problems for you, it just means you want the same listening and empathetic ear and encouragement for yourself that you provide for others.

It sounds as if you expect people to intuit or divine that you have needs too. You have to find a way to communicate your needs. If you have "grave problems" then in appropriate situations with appropriate persons, talk about them. When asked how you are, don't claim that you're terrific if you're not. That sort of thing. It doesn't sound to me like people aren't listening, there is nothing for them to hear. Don't expect them to read minds.

[Sugah Ray]

No, it doesn't make you weak, it just makes your life more difficult. Much more difficult I know because I have been there and done that. If people don't know what we need they can't provide it to us.

There are people who will genuinely hear us if we express our needs in a nonjudgmental way(saying directly what we need, not suggesting that if they cared they would listen, that's blackmail). There will be others who won't because their own priorities are so high our needs are not that important to them at that moment. You will know who really is willing to meet your needs once you express them.

[believe007]

Well I skimmed through your post & it seems that you allow people to dump their problems on you. So you became an emotional doormat. And the more you do this the worse it gets. I say take your power back.
Eliminate the people who drain you, & surround yourself with people who have more to offer than negativity.

[cloven]

Originally Posted by mordant

Probably you just need to drop the pretense that you have no problems of your own, be more open and vulnerable with others. That doesn't mean you expect them to solve your problems for you, it just means you want the same listening and empathetic ear and encouragement for yourself that you provide for others.

It sounds as if you expect people to intuit or divine that you have needs too. You have to find a way to communicate your needs. If you have "grave problems" then in appropriate situations with appropriate persons, talk about them. When asked how you are, don't claim that you're terrific if you're not. That sort of thing. It doesn't sound to me like people aren't listening, there is nothing for them to hear. Don't expect them to read minds.

"Being strong" can mean one is brittle, and breaks rather than bends.

It's important for a person (be they "strong", or not) to draw some clear boundaries,
about what behavior the person will brook, and which behavior is not going to be entertained/put up with.
It sounds like OP is pushing his/her own boundaries, in order to be a "nice" person,
but that may lead to getting angry & resentful, because he/she isn't venting/ventilating his/her own tension/stress.
Interdependence (a two-way street) is IMHO a healthier & more balanced way to go,
rather than (as another poster noted) being a doormat who pretends not to have any wants or needs.

Please, OP, speak up about your own wants & needs to other folks-you needn't try to be "a stone"
(and people cannot read your mind, so you need to make yourself heard, *before* you can't stifle any longer).

[Teckeeee]

I can be if it's false bravado.

[ROAM]

Originally Posted by ur2cdanger

I have been listening other's problems, solving my own problems on my own and all of a sudden there is nobody to listen to me. Off late I am getting too irritated when people come to me with their problems. I feel like telling them to **** off but I am unable to do that. Tell me what should I do now? Does being too strong making me weak?

I was in the same boat. I had to start telling people flat out that just because they don't see me complaining doesn't mean that I don't have problems. Its a statement that stops people in their tracks because a lot of people cant even grasp the concept of someone having problems and not venting. It also causes people to think about whatever burden they may have placed or attempted to place on you.

Is not natural for to my share my fears or anxieties, from smal I was just never one for that, but if you're not like me then maybe you should open up more, at least to your friends. Let people know what you're actually going through. This might lead to some answers, deeper connections and a clearer head.

[psichick]

Hmmm.....I know my strength is a weakness. Why? Because I am too proud to ask exactly for what I need. I am too proud to truly be vulnerable. I am too proud to allow anyone see just how weak I truly am. But that's me. If you have those same problems, then yes I believe it can be a weakness.

I wonder, are you able to ask for help? Be vulnerable? Etc? Meaning, are you strong, but closed off? Or do you share what is going on in your life? Or do people just not ask (then they are self-centered)?

I vent and complain my share. People know I have problems. But they also believe I'm a very strong person (and I am) and that I will survive anything (and I have.....barely, but I have). The problem with that is most people will not really give me any true comfort because they believe I'll just rebound and be fine. The problem is that there have been a few times I barely made it back. And I had to make it back 100% alone because telling me, "you're strong, you'll survive" just isn't cutting it.

So, for myself, yup, it's a weakness. I may be strong and I may rebound and survive anything that is thrown at me, but I really need someone to comfort me and treat me like I'm fragile....because I am. I've had someone do that for me once. Let's just say he saved my life. If he wasn't able to do that for me and see through to my core, I'd probably be dead right now. But that's a whole other topic.

[carolyninfl]

Women I think more than men want to be strong for thier children and loved ones.
For instance, not showing emotion when there is a death in the family...sweep it under the rug dont talk about it.

All through the years of masking emotion for the sake of being strong, the stress of this is destroying your insides causing stress which leads to heart attacks, lupus, Fibromalaysia just to name a few.