Why most women expect men to approach them? (attractive, parent, adult)

[Back to NE]

The unfortunate thing is that taken women are more likely to make eye contact. The available interested women are likely to give the most subtle and fleeting eye contact, especially if they are shy.

I've also found that if an available woman thinks she's given clues/eye contact to a man, if he doesn't act on them very quickly, she will close the door thinking the guy isn't attracted to her. Hence those pickup artist principles say to approach women within 5 seconds of seeing them. It's good advice, but how weird is that?

[fleetiebelle]

It's not just women who expect men to approach them, plenty of men prefer to make the first move themselves, and are put off by women who approach. This dynamic isn't so much a given as it was in the past, but it still holds true for many people.

[LoveWisdom]

Originally Posted by mark_777

I am talking about majority of women and majority of men.

I often see welcoming signals(smile with eye contact) from women, but I can't really figure out why they still want me to come over and talk to them first. When I ignore the signals I am even getting punished sometimes.
You know that "man should make a first move" rule right?

Does it have some solid background?
"It's a culture" - I already heard, but I don't consider it solid.

To me it sounds pretty strange why women are limiting themselves only to a choice of guys who approach them and don't want to act.

So, yes, I have no confidence, but not in myself, I don't have a confidence in them. Do they really have an interest in me? Why I deserve only a welcoming signal, which can be taken for anything, why I don't deserve to be talked with? Why if I send a welcoming signal, they won't come over and talk to me?

I find it frustrating on a way, that I need all of this. I need to develop approaching communication skills, entertain, have a couple of jokes, buy them drinks, gifts, etc.

I would have more confidence in women if they would equally(50/50) share risk of rejection and all other hard work, related to developing a relationship, which I listed above.

Evolutionary design. Males (in majority) are programmed to seek, conquer and hunt. It's their instinct. Females are programmed to surrender.

Although, I do believe that instinct can possibly be overcome by teachings, with time. It's like writing a new programming into ourselves. We sometimes can change ourselves in some ways, so this is proof that some programs are editable.

[Exitus Acta Probat]

Originally Posted by ocnjgirl

It's not about being afraid to talk to you, I myself wanted a man who likes being a man and taking the traditional male role in a relationship so that I could take the feminine role where I am happiest, and I have no regrets for holding out for a man who felt the same.

Seems very patriarchal. Don't you support women's lib?

[cindersslipper]

Why most women expect men to approach them?

Because we're sitting on what you want.

[ocnjgirl]

Originally Posted by Exitus Acta Probat

Seems very patriarchal. Don't you support women's lib?

It's really not, as it has very little to do with our everyday relationship. It's not about him supporting me or anything like that (I actually make much more than he does, so were we to live together I would pay more of the bills than he). It is about attraction, and what turns us on. What turns me on is feeling safe and protected by someone stronger than me. When hurricane Sandy came last year and we had to evacuate, I was in a panic, and my bf was calm and strong and took control - "Here's the plan, you are going to get this and this together, I am going to do this and this and then we are going here- don't you worry Baby, we are going to be alright, I have this under control". That is what makes me swoon.

This dynamic is set in the beginning, and is what generates attraction in most females. My bf from the beginning took the male protector/in charge role - silently, but his actions were toward the dominant - when we crossed a busy street on a date, for instance, he left first, but took my hand and led me across, slightly behind him but under his protection... he did all the asking for dates, pursued me completely, paid for all our early dates, and let me relax into the feminine, receptive role. When we are in bed, he is generous and gentle when he needs to be, but there is no mistake I am with someone in charge. All these things make me feel I belong to him, and that makes me feel safe. Little things like that are what makes a woman excited about a man. When a man from the beginning takes the more submissive role, by not taking action but waiting to be approached, the signal he is giving off is that he is not comfortable with the male role and wants the woman to be in control, and few women are going to be attracted to that because the triggers for the attraction chemicals to be released are not there.

Again women's lib is a relatively new social construct, and that is not going to wipe away thousands of years of genetics. Women are genetically designed to be turned on by men who act like men because it was essential for survival in the past. If attraction were based on rational thought, it might be different, but it's not, and the biological triggers and reactions that released hormones then, for the most part still do today.

Aside from that, I like feeling feminine, and he likes feeling masculine. I like that he pays for dinner, and he likes it that I wait on him and rub his feet after work. We are happy with me as the female and he as the male. Women's lib IMO was never meant to force women to be masculine, it was to make us all equal in terms of basic human rights. Make no mistake I am a strong, competent, opinionated woman, but that doesn't mean I don't like relaxing into a strong man's protective arms. On the contrary, the fact I am so in control in every other area of my life, makes it especially wonderful to feel taken care of and have someone else take control at home.

[Ceece]

If you notice someone noticing you, man or woman, it's not a stretch to acknowledge that and start a convo. Don't assume every encounter is going to lead to romance and you'll be fine. But don't be pushy with either sex, keep it light .. people scare themselves because they have fantasy expectations then get all worked up about it and don't do anything. Paralysis.

[mark_777]

Thank you for your responses.

Sounds then that I am out of luck in this society. I don't feel like a chaser or conqueror. I don't like to dominate a woman and tell her what to do. And I am not shy, I've heard some people where telling me that. I am not weak or stupid, I don't have any defects, etc. I just need solid reasoning, why as a men, I should do that. Maybe I am just too intelligent and I don't feel myself like a "male animal".

The only thing I want to know, before approaching is that they need men too. And the only prove to me would be that seeing that they do the same to men like 50/50.

I also feel like women just want to exploit men, do as less as the situation allows, because males have a stronger libido, sexual desire. Mostly men buys drinks, takes them to restaurants, buys gifts, etc. Also prostitutes are mostly women for men, not men for women, no offense to women is intended, just stating fact. I guess my mind have developed a protection against that.
Seeing this unfairness and exploitation I just don't want to approach them anymore...

[ocnjgirl]

Originally Posted by mark_777

Thank you for your responses.

Sounds then that I am out of luck in this society. I don't feel like a chaser or conqueror. I don't like to dominate a woman and tell her what to do. And I am not shy, I've heard some people where telling me that. I am not weak or stupid, I don't have any defects, etc. I just need solid reasoning, why as a men, I should do that. Maybe I am just too intelligent and I don't feel myself like a "male animal".

The only thing I want to know, before approaching is that they need men too. And the only prove to me would be that seeing that they do the same to men like 50/50.

I also feel like women just want to exploit men, do as less as the situation allows, because males have a stronger libido, sexual desire. Mostly men buys drinks, takes them to restaurants, buys gifts, etc. Also prostitutes are mostly women for men, not men for women, no offense to women is intended, just stating fact. I guess my mind have developed a protection against that.
Seeing this unfairness and exploitation I just don't want to approach them anymore...

It has nothing to do with telling anyone what to do. It also has nothing to do with being too intelligent, it's about your trying to apply ration and reason to a chemical process that happens below conscious thought.

[Jayerdu]

I am a woman and like yourself, I don't understand it either. It baffles me that women scream for liberation in most areas of their lives except when it comes to relationships with men. Prior to marriage, I had no problems approaching men. As a matter of fact, I preferred it because I dreaded when men that I was not interested approached me.

I feel the same way about marriage proposals and name changing. I am baffled as to why women wait for men to "propose". Isn't marriage something that should be discussed at length and agreed upon together? And don't get me started on why women change their last names when they marry men.