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Jesus, of course women don't usually approach men. Even the average male dullard cannot help but notice that even marginally attractive females get hit on all the time, and naturally they get their defenses up. They have lives to lead too, you know? And can't spend every waking moment attending to the hordes of horny males in attack formation.
So yes, they may seem stand-offish and who can blame them? Add to this the fact that even if a female is intrigued by the odd and attractive reticent male, as soon as she makes a move he'll assume she's a trollop. Always? No, not always--nothing is always, but this certainly describes the vast majority.
So try this: gather up your courage and then let it go. Lower the stakes, act civilized and respectful and right there you've distinguished yourself from most men. And as women know, you can work minor miracles with little more than a genuine smile.
It's way overdue to change this stone age way of thinking.
It's no different that when guys get rejected for being creepy when many times they are not. Who cares what some guys think of a woman making the first move. They are not worthy of her anyway. Move on to the next, just like many men do.
OK, so I believe personality type has much more to do who approaches who first. Gender/sex really doesn't matter that much in my opinion. Sure culturally women were supposed to let the men come to them in previous times, but now that they don't have to, things are changing.
Most women who approached me first were almost always extroverts. Introverts would approach me too if they had an extrovert friend to help start the conversation. Same deal with men. Being a woman doent mean you expect the men to approach you, being an introvert does, at least to a greater extent.
OK, so I believe personality type has much more to do who approaches who first. Gender/sex really doesn't matter that much in my opinion. Sure culturally women were supposed to let the men come to them in previous times, but now that they don't have to, things are changing.
Most women who approached me first were almost always extroverts. Introverts would approach me too if they had an extrovert friend to help start the conversation. Same deal with men. Being a woman doent mean you expect the men to approach you, being an introvert does, at least to a greater extent.
As an extrovert, it didn't take any social conditioning or societal pressure for me to approach women first. In fact, I never ever wait for signals, I usually just go talk to whoever I felt like. I can certainly empathize with guys who are naturally introverted with difficulty initiating conversation with strangers because I have many friends like this. However, the wrong conclusion is to decide to be bitter about the situation and decide that there must be some gender based conspiracy on the part of women to make men do this.
I am a woman and like yourself, I don't understand it either. It baffles me that women scream for liberation in most areas of their lives except when it comes to relationships with men. Prior to marriage, I had no problems approaching men. As a matter of fact, I preferred it because I dreaded when men that I was not interested approached me.
I feel the same way about marriage proposals and name changing. I am baffled as to why women wait for men to "propose". Isn't marriage something that should be discussed at length and agreed upon together? And don't get me started on why women change their last names when they marry men.
I love your attitude. If at least 50% of women would be like that I wouldn't be so depressed about the situation and I would act without a problem too
Quote:
Originally Posted by Archguy
So try this: gather up your courage and then let it go. Lower the stakes, act civilized and respectful and right there you've distinguished yourself from most men. And as women know, you can work minor miracles with little more than a genuine smile.
My problem is not a courage. I would pull up my courage and act, if I would be sure that they want the same. So, no matter how courageous you are, if this person doesn't need you, nothing helps, right? So, I don't have a foundation or reasoning to have a courage.
You know, sometimes I think that there are too many man are on cocaine. Ones I met a guy in Vancouver and I was wondering why he is so confident and courageous with women. Until... he offered me a sniff. I refused. But I could see how all the "confidence" is getting worn out with time and he is getting converted into just a "regular person"...
I think I know, why there is such a culture like why most women expect men to approach them. I would be glad to know what you think about my scientific explanation of existence of this culture.
Well, all the way, for all times, for 100s of years, women didn't have equal rights with men. And the reason why woman didn't have an equal rights - it's because everything was on man. And why it was everything on man - it's because man is stronger physically. Man was a hunter, man was a warier, man was a builder, etc. Now, we don't need to hunt, we have advanced weapons, including a nukes, now we have a machinery - it's all caused devaluation of physical qualities of the man. We see, that all this technological advance came mostly in the last century and an equal rights came with it.
So, because of this fact, for centuries before that happened, men, as a courtesy and respect to compensate this inferiority, did approach women and took care about them. Or, maybe because woman herself felt inferior and expected to be approached and taken care of. Also, it was giving a man a solid ground for confidence - women wouldn't survive without a man.
But now, it's all different and this is why this question came to my mind. Women can easily survive without a man, we are equal now, then I don't see in myself a reason why I should always approach. This is why I think I don't feel right about it. I feel like I am more "concerned" about it, then they are. I even feel stupid about it.
Of course, its not resolving my situation - I can't find reasons why, as a men I should approach. Expect, I just want to find somebody and have a family and if I won't approach, who will? Or I should have some cocaine(joke)
I love your attitude. If at least 50% of women would be like that I wouldn't be so depressed about the situation and I would act without a problem too
My problem is not a courage. I would pull up my courage and act, if I would be sure that they want the same. So, no matter how courageous you are, if this person doesn't need you, nothing helps, right? So, I don't have a foundation or reasoning to have a courage.
You know, sometimes I think that there are too many man are on cocaine. Ones I met a guy in Vancouver and I was wondering why he is so confident and courageous with women. Until... he offered me a sniff. I refused. But I could see how all the "confidence" is getting worn out with time and he is getting converted into just a "regular person"...
I think I know, why there is such a culture like why most women expect men to approach them. I would be glad to know what you think about my scientific explanation of existence of this culture.
Well, all the way, for all times, for 100s of years, women didn't have equal rights with men. And the reason why woman didn't have an equal rights - it's because everything was on man. And why it was everything on man - it's because man is stronger physically. Man was a hunter, man was a warier, man was a builder, etc. Now, we don't need to hunt, we have advanced weapons, including a nukes, now we have a machinery - it's all caused devaluation of physical qualities of the man. We see, that all this technological advance came mostly in the last century and an equal rights came with it.
So, because of this fact, for centuries before that happened, men, as a courtesy and respect to compensate this inferiority, did approach women and took care about them. Or, maybe because woman herself felt inferior and expected to be approached and taken care of.
But now, it's all different and this is why this question came to my mind. If we are equal now, then I don't see in myself a reason why I should always approach. This is why I think I don't feel right about it. I feel like I am more "concerned" about it, then they are. I even feel stupid about it.
Of course, its not resolving my situation - I can't find reasons why, as a men I should approach. Expect, I just want to find somebody and have a family and if I won't approach, who will? Or I should have some cocaine(joke)
And then what? She'll say "no, thank you, not interested" so what? You will not get struck by lightening, you will say "okay. have a good night" and be done with it. IMO it doesn't really even matter "why" something is the way it is, it only matters that those who go after what they want (regardless what it is) tend to get it more than those who passively wait for what they want to come to them. The more you approach, the more you will find rejection is not the end of the world.
And then what? She'll say "no, thank you, not interested" so what? You will not get struck by lightening, you will say "okay. have a good night" and be done with it. IMO it doesn't really even matter "why" something is the way it is, it only matters that those who go after what they want (regardless what it is) tend to get it more than those who passively wait for what they want to come to them. The more you approach, the more you will find rejection is not the end of the world.
Well, I just don't feel eager doing it, because "why me?", "why I always should take the burden of risk of rejection" .
And you know, it's not that easy to get over it. Just try it yourself. Imagine, you see someone you really really like. It's normal to worry and be upset, after all your efforts, person you liked, didn't like you. You will be left questioning yourself, what did you do wrong. Basically, the more you like this person, the more you worry, the more you suffer in case of failure. Well, reward is higher too - you might find a person you will be happy till the rest of your life. Still, majority women don't do that, that means to me that they are not really interested and don't really care about finding a right guy for them. All falls apart...
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and I would act without a problem too 
