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Lets say if someone is an introvert. An INFP according to the 16 personality types. Sensitive, shy and perhaps even socially conscious. So can she change her personality and fake being outgoing, join groups, find a partner and have friends?
And....even if she accomplishes all of those would she be content, realizing that she is in a way lying about her existence.
She enjoys lone walks on a pier overlooking the ocean. Only there is she truly relaxed. But she is lonely because no one does the same. If someone comes up to her and wants to talk, she wants to talk back.
But if they asked why she spends her evening staring at the ocean, she'd reply "I think the Universe is thinking through me I ponder a lot over things others have no time for. In the end we all die, but all those moments in all of the history of this cosmos were relived through me, through dreamers. Even if it doesn't mean much in the larger scheme of things." Of course she won't say it because the person would politely give her a freak look and walk away.
NO ONE should lie about themselves. It will only make you feel worse about yourself.
However, it is possible to change your personality. It depends on whether you gain confidence in yourself or not. The changes might occur at a snail's pace but they could happen.
BTW - People might fool you. Some of them might actually like your personality. Of course, some of them won't.
Lots of entertainers do this . Many of them are shy and with drawn off the stage. Johny Carson was a classica example. How would you know which part of you is the fake one? Are you in reality unleashing part of your personality instead of changing it?
Lets say if someone is an introvert. An INFP according to the 16 personality types. Sensitive, shy and perhaps even socially conscious. So can she change her personality and fake being outgoing, join groups, find a partner and have friends?
And....even if she accomplishes all of those would she be content, realizing that she is in a way lying about her existence.
She enjoys lone walks on a pier overlooking the ocean. Only there is she truly relaxed. But she is lonely because no one does the same. If someone comes up to her and wants to talk, she wants to talk back.
But if they asked why she spends her evening staring at the ocean, she'd reply "I think the Universe is thinking through me I ponder a lot over things others have no time for. In the end we all die, but all those moments in all of the history of this cosmos were relived through me, through dreamers. Even if it doesn't mean much in the larger scheme of things." Of course she won't say it because the person would politely give her a freak look and walk away.
If she realizes that "she is in a way lying about her existence", then how could she be content? Those two things would seem to be diametrically opposed. Similarly, if she's faking being outgoing, etc., then she hasn't really changed her personality.
Personality traits can be changed; it just takes a lot of work over a long time period to do it. And if someone is motivated to change their personality traits, they generally can.
But your post seems to assume that personality traits can't be changed, and that any attempt to do so is necessarily dishonest. Plus, your hypothetical person seems to have very little self-regard, since they think that being honest as you describe will result in getting "a freak look" (whatever that means).
If she realizes that "she is in a way lying about her existence", then how could she be content? Those two things would seem to be diametrically opposed. Similarly, if she's faking being outgoing, etc., then she hasn't really changed her personality.
Personality traits can be changed; it just takes a lot of work over a long time period to do it. And if someone is motivated to change their personality traits, they generally can.
But your post seems to assume that personality traits can't be changed, and that any attempt to do so is necessarily dishonest. Plus, your hypothetical person seems to have very little self-regard, since they think that being honest as you describe will result in getting "a freak look" (whatever that means).
She is by nature, born an introvert and shy. She enjoys her own space and spends many a times walking alone. The only problem is....she yearns for friendship and companionship. She realizes that happiness is true when shared. But she'd rather have her friends sit down with her and talk, or watch movies or basically be a homebody. That is her idea of happiness.
She fakes being outgoing to make friends, and perhaps even enjoys the time outside. But she'd rather be home with the friends.
But if she fakes her way to conform to those who would walk away from her, she's also allowing potential abuse and a lowered self-esteem into her life..
Instead, her thoughts about the universe is something most sacred to her, something she most values, and needs to understand is honored to only her and nobody else.
Should she find someone who see's eye-to-eye with her on the same wavelength, then that person wouldn't walk away, but walk beside her in the journey and hardships of life, an existence that is magical and profound in the mysterious cosmos.
In other words, I know sometimes, feeling lonely can make you question if you should change your personality to conform to fit with others, but I personally feel anytime you try and change yourself for someone else, you'll find you'll never be 'enough.'
You are enough as you are, and embrace all aspects of you which help you to grow, and identify all aspects of your life (the negatives) which you feel you can work on slowly day-to-day. But, you probably know this already but probably need a little bit of reminding once in a while when you feel sad inside.
I'm just an ordinary person who doesn't know much about psychology. But I thought this was a very interesting question.
You mentioned pretending to have another personality, and would that result in a personality change.
I've heard something about this from motivational speakers, when speaking of solving an issue. Let's say you are extremely shy & insecure, but your boss has told you that you have to start giving talks about something before groups of people. You are paralyzed with fear, with visions of forgetting what to say, drooling, stammering. The speakers..one in particular...said that she'd had that issue. She said that when she told a friend she couldn't do it, the friend told her...well, just pretend you're someone or something else, and get out there and do it. You're insecure? Be insecure, but don't show it. ACT like you're confident, secure. That it's second nature. Smile & relate. That's not you. And you won't feel that way inside, but that's okay. Just pretend you are that savvy, confident person for the length of time you're on that stage.
The speaker said she did that, and it helped a lot. She cont'd doing as her friend had suggested, with it getting easier with every speech. Until one day she realized that she had become the savvy, self-confident speaker she'd pretended to be.
So maybe if it's to solve some problem, it's possible to change a part of one's personality. Or maybe that new facet was always there, and pretending just brought it out. I don't think it's being false, though, since it doesn't change the person herself or her values. It just changes behavior.
Maybe part of the issue is thinking that one's behavior toward others has to reflect what we're feeling inside, when it doesn't. At least not all the time.
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