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It's sad that everyone doesn't realize it. Everyone wants to be loved, but many people don't know how to make people love them.
It's easy, and you should take this to heart and morph and shape your entire life around this simple phrase, if you want to be loved.
Unfortunately, I cannot take the credit for coming up with this statement. I can only validate its truth.
Hope this helps, and happy loving!
It's true.
Another way to put it is when you love - enjoy, affirm and respond to the part of others that they love and treasure the most - they will love you for it.
Because they will love themselves more because you have affirmed them, and loved them for their "best selves" - you hove shown taste and validated them.
When you criticize the same, weather in an attempt to change a person or because you are trying to teach them "how to be better" - you will drive them away.
Also, they will not change. And they will not love you.
Another way to put it is when you love - enjoy, affirm and respond to the part of others that they love and treasure the most - they will love you for it.
Because they will love themselves more because you have affirmed them, and loved them for their "best selves" - you hove shown taste and validated them.
When you criticize the same, whether in an attempt to change a person or because you are trying to teach them "how to be better" - you will drive them away.
Also, they will not change. And they will not love you.
The OP's statement is very true. Men are often all about liking women who make the men feel great about themselves.
And men fall in love with women who make the men feel great about themselves.
The problem with this is the men are not liking or falling in love with the women for the qualities the women possess or necessarily the personality of the women - but more about how the women reflect the men back to themselves.
So that ends up making the women feel unappreciated for their souls, their personal qualities, their personality, who they are as a person.
You're definitely onto something here! Men need to have their ego's bolstered by their women. It's the way they're programmed.
A man's ego is a delicate thing, once a woman digs at him, she's deflating his ego. (I'm not referring to egotistical men, just men in general. Men need to know they're needed and appreciated).
This is what I've found, in opposition to the bolded type: When a woman honors her husband, truly honors him, the appreciation he has for that "one in a million" woman, who goes out of her way to serve him, to protect his feelings and to be a solid sounding board, (I don't mean slave, I mean taking on the traditional woman's role and being comfortable in it.) then he is free to be the traditional husband, and puts her on the proverbial pedestal.
Part of the quality that particular kind of woman possesses is being sure of herself and being willing to share that confidence with her man. She never takes it personally as she knows he'd never go out of his way to hurt her feelings, even if he did. It spills over and he's able to be part of that confidence.
When it never occurs to a man to check up on his woman, when he knows, without a doubt, that no matter how crappy his day was, and he comes home and dumps the day in her lap, she will comfort him (and bite her tongue dang near off) and listen and let him rant and rave and never take it personally, the trust he has in her strengthens.
I have that relationship. My husband was a volatile man when I married him, although he's always treated me gently. He's learned, over the years, that he's got my blessing to come in and unload all the horrible things that have happened that day and that I'll take it, pick it apart and show him the beauty in each trial.
Men are emotionally deep, women tend to be driven by their emotions. It's natural and it seems to be easier to come to a common place when we realize and accept that difference.
This is a nice thread. It's nice to see solid emotion!
I can only see this working if the intentions come from a place of genuineness.
Well, yes-- that was in fact the premise. To make someone love themselves you can't be superficial or ingenuine (ungenuine?). The point is that if you focus on other people and making other people happy and love themselves -- it's counterintuitive. Living with such a selfless mentality and philosophy will inherently make others love you far, far more than the one who spends his or her time trying to get others to love them.
Another way to put it is when you love - enjoy, affirm and respond to the part of others that they love and treasure the most - they will love you for it.
Because they will love themselves more because you have affirmed them, and loved them for their "best selves" - you hove shown taste and validated them.
When you criticize the same, weather in an attempt to change a person or because you are trying to teach them "how to be better" - you will drive them away.
Also, they will not change. And they will not love you.
To play the devil's advocate here -- sometimes criticism is what is needed to show love. In fact, often the people who truly love you will be the ones to speak out and criticise you - because they actually care.
They say, a marriage without any arguments or fighting is a failing marriage, because if no one cares enough to speak up and provide healthy criticism, then it's usually because they do not love each other.
That said, "no one likes a nag", and unhealthy criticism (not out of selfless love), is given by selfish, unloving people who need to follow the original post.
How do you know if criticism is good or bad? Ask yourself this:
Who does the criticism benefit the most?
(Assuming you are the one criticising)--
*BAD CRITICISM: if it benefits you the most, it is almost always selfish and unproductive.
*GOOD CRITICISM: If it benefits them the most, and comes from a heart of love and kindness.
To play the devil's advocate here -- sometimes criticism is what is needed to show love. In fact, often the people who truly love you will be the ones to speak out and criticise you - because they actually care.
They say, a marriage without any arguments or fighting is a failing marriage, because if no one cares enough to speak up and provide healthy criticism, then it's usually because they do not love each other.
That said, "no one likes a nag", and unhealthy criticism (not out of selfless love), is given by selfish, unloving people who need to follow the original post.
How do you know if criticism is good or bad? Ask yourself this:
Who does the criticism benefit the most?
(Assuming you are the one criticising)--
*BAD CRITICISM: if it benefits you the most, it is almost always selfish and unproductive.
*GOOD CRITICISM: If it benefits them the most, and comes from a heart of love and kindness.
Criticism is in my opinion always wrong. You are putting yourself above that person and judging their actions as iF you were not guilty of the same.
What works better is open communication. If something is annoying you or worrying you, let the person know but make sure you explain how you feel not judge the other person
Ex: criticism: You need to stop watching TV so late at night.
Your feelings: "I am worried that if you watch TV after midnight you won't get up on time or have a road accident for lack of sleep".
It's sad that everyone doesn't realize it. Everyone wants to be loved, but many people don't know how to make people love them.
It's easy, and you should take this to heart and morph and shape your entire life around this simple phrase, if you want to be loved.
Unfortunately, I cannot take the credit for coming up with this statement. I can only validate its truth.
Hope this helps, and happy loving!
I think it's more about the opposite feeling, when you stop hating yourself you will be able to have more genuine relationships
I think a lot of people out there secretly hate themselves but they don't know it. Because they are not able to deal with their feelings of shame and guilt, they try that saying "misery loves company" They try to conclude other people are less perfect and less happy than themselves. They place those people at the bottom of their hierarchy chart and judge them as less than them. When you feel contempt for other people it will show no matter how hard you try to hide it
I think it takes a lot of self awareness to stop hating yourself and other people.
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