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So, are you saying a Civil Rights violation is like crying to mommy and daddy? Accusing a person of being a creep is likened to accusing that person of being a sex offender and the like. I'm sure there's a few lawyers out there who would jump on that.
The guy just wanted to vent and remind people that the word is hurtful. And here people go trying to make it a reportable offense and even a legal issue. This was some co-workers talking amongst themselves, sheesh. Correct, people should be careful not to talk about co-workers out in the open even in a whisper. It has happened to me before and I'm sure to a lot of other people. You either confront it or ignore it but you don't go running to the boss and reporting people or you become more of a pariah.
I don't know if this forum or this section of this forum is the appropriate place for this, but I want to express my views on a subject that has greatly affected me personally in a very negative and damaging way, perhaps in the hope that some people might consider their actions and words in the future when tossing around that certain "c" word so nonchalantly.
I have always had major issues with my appearance. I am tall, thin and unattractive. I have never had any confidence with people in general, never mind approaching women (which I don't do anyway). It started when I was bullied at school.
Over the years, I have become quite reclusive. I have few friends, no social life to speak of. Because of the issues with my appearance, I suffer from extreme social anxiety and depression and these things make living in general extremely difficult.
The only place I have to interact with people (unfortunately) is work. I have always felt disliked there and that people were talking about me behind my back. Far from being paranoid, my fears were actually confirmed when I overheard one of the young women in the office refer to me as "creepy" (I guess she thought I wasn't within earshot of her). The women in the office always seem to stay away from me, even refusing to get in the elevator with me (this happened recently).
That word is like a dagger into my soul. It has all sorts of terrible meanings, including potential rapist, child molester, stalker, etc. Not only am I none of those things, but I am also asexual, which means I have no desire to even remotely want to approach women at all and I am probably the least threatening person you will ever meet. I am most likely more scared of them than they are of me. It's solely because of the way I look, which as much as I loathe my appearance, I cannot change it just to not look like some sort of freak that people are afraid of,
It's got to the point where I am finding going to work difficult every day. I constantly look down at the floor as I am afraid of making any kind of eye contact just in case they happen to think the "office creep" is looking at them.
So my point is, stop tossing the word "creep" around so casually. Men have feelings too and in my case, this has made the already unclimbable mountain of self-esteem development even more impossible. If you label socially awkward and shy people as creeps or creepers, you will damage their already low self-esteem. If you want to go through life inflicting harm on people, go ahead, but those of you who think it's a bit of a joke, I urge you to stop it. Think about if you had children and that was your son, or maybe your brother. Save that word for men who are generally threatening and who deserve it.
Thank you.
If you know that you come off kind of 'creepy', why don't you do something constructive about it? Your lucky that you got a hint as to how you are perceived. Now you can take some action to change that perception which will have a domino affect on improving the quality of your life, which apparently you need. Ball's in your court. This could be the nudge you need.
If the problem was them, then you would truly be effed.
Do you want your well being to reside in their hands or not?....
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
Oh, please, plenty of people on this thread have patted you on the head and said, "oh, poor you." I get that your feelings are hurt, but you can't control what other people think about you. All you can do is control your reaction to it....
I'm not sure this advice is from a perspective that truly understands how the guy is being treated. I liken this advice to telling a woman who is being sexually harassed to suck it up and handle it, that she's an adult and should be a big girl. While the OP has only said he's actually been called creepy once, the way people behave around him is just as much a communication as saying the words.
I know the guy has issues and some power, but if all that he's saying is true and he's not leaving anything important out - the way they're treating him is the problem. I mean, just because he's nervous and awkward doesn't mean he should be treated like that, just as cleavage or a similar feature shouldn't be used as an excuse for sexual harassment, right?
This is all assuming the OP isn't leaving something out, such as that he's really doing something that warrants the way people behave toward him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by packer43064
Using the "N" word will get you shot in some parts of this country coming from a pasty white guy like me.
Calling someone creepy won't get me nothing.
No black person should be called this "N" word. Ever. A creep or creepy is perfectly fine if they are creepy. There are people who are fricken creepy. They deserve it....none should be called the "N" word.
I don't think this is coming from a perspective that truly understands, either. Creep, creepy, and creeper may be in a place of early evolution, and there may be a time in the future where people become aware of just how bad and marginalizing of a word it is.
Shot? You might end up getting shot because of the collective use of creeper. You can only marginalize somebody so much before they snap. There's a reason the mass shootings from similar types of guys have increased, and I think this thread deals with one potentially related aspect. I'm no expert and can't really explain how I sense it's connected, but I think it is.
I'm rather disheartened by most of the responses here, so perhaps this wasn't the appropriate place to post this. Most responses seem to consider me the problem tether than the individual(s) who make such cruel comments and slap labels on men who are already insecure & are just trying to struggle through life, work for a living and not get in anyone's business.
Again, I dress fine. I am clean, well kept. I don't go through trash cans, I am not a potential rapist, pedofile, sexual predator or stalker. I don't look at anyone, never mind women. I was brought up with the notion that it's rude to stare anyway. I am very asexual, so I don't even see women in that way.
As for coworkers, I am not fake. I am not going to feign a smile and be chatty with people who have already decided that they don't like me without even remotely getting to know me. I cannot go to HR because the girl in question wasn't talking to me.
I don't know why it is that quiet, shy and introverted people get slapped with these horrible and unshakeable labels. Perhaps you should focus on men (since men seem to be the targets of this) who are genuinely creepy. I created this thread to try to help people who may be inclusions as to how damaging this word is when fired at the wrong targets. Maybe 1 or 2 of you get it, but the rest of you seem to think that I'm the one with the problem.
Let me ask you this: would you make the same excuses for someone so candidly using the "n" word as a derogatory way of referring to a black person?
You are the problem and you don't sound like a very nice person yourself. Also, creepy isn't some big insulting word. It's a rather nice word to describe someone who is off-putting, which by your own description, you are. An anti-depressant and therapy could change your life but that would take some cojones and energy, and it might be too late for you, since you are so dug in to being the victim. Pity.
Last edited by laysayfair; 08-30-2013 at 05:41 PM..
Reason: sp
I'll let you armchair therapists continue with your psychoanalysis of me at your own will. I don't wish to keep repeating myself by saying that I don't do anything that would warrant being called a name that has so many negative and scary meanings. No pity party here, but clearly the general consensus is that there's something so wrong with being quiet and introverted that people like me should be lumped in a bracket with potential rapists, sexual predators and pedophiles. Add to that, you seem to think there's something so wrong with being an introvert that I need pills and therapy to "correct" my so-called creepiness.
The fact is that if I were attractive, the worst I'd be called is "shy" or "reserved", which is all I am. I am not some potential mass shooter. Trust me, I wish to not exist even more than those who don't want me to exist.
But feel free to continue to think I am somehow part of the problem for simply going to work and doing my job (and I work damn hard for the **** I have to take).
You are the problem and you don't sound like a very nice person yourself. Also, creepy isn't some big insulting word. It's a rather nice word to describe someone who is off-putting, which by your own description, you are. An anti-depressant and therapy could change your life but that would take some cojones and energy, and it might be too late for you, since you are so dug in to being the victim. Pity.
People of your mindset are part of the problem. You automatically assume that there's something wrong with being introverted. That's really what it boils down to. I pity you that you are incapable of seeing the wood for the trees.
I'll let you armchair therapists continue with your psychoanalysis of me at your own will. I don't wish to keep repeating myself by saying that I don't do anything that would warrant being called a name that has so many negative and scary meanings. No pity party here, but clearly the general consensus is that there's something so wrong with being quiet and introverted that people like me should be lumped in a bracket with potential rapists, sexual predators and pedophiles. Add to that, you seem to think there's something so wrong with being an introvert that I need pills and therapy to "correct" my so-called creepiness.
The fact is that if I were attractive, the worst I'd be called is "shy" or "reserved", which is all I am. I am not some potential mass shooter. Trust me, I wish to not exist even more than those who don't want me to exist.
But feel free to continue to think I am somehow part of the problem for simply going to work and doing my job (and I work damn hard for the **** I have to take).
Quote:
Originally Posted by non-creep
People of your mindset are part of the problem. You automatically assume that there's something wrong with being introverted. That's really what it boils down to. I pity you that you are incapable of seeing the wood for the trees.
Wait! I thought you presented yourself as being insecure, being nervous, having an overall nervous disposition, and being avoidant? THOSE things are NOT the same as simply being introverted! If you want your problem to get better, you need to clearly understand it and acknowledge everything relevant.
By the way, the being attractive bit is BS. An attractive person can give off the same characteristics that cause people to call others creepy. Trust me. I kind of explained it in a previous post. Besides, "attractive" largely has to do with a person's confidence, body language, facial expressions, etc.
Here's a post I made a few pages back that talks about medicaiton (pills) and where it comes into play.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MOKAN
You've got to understand that, especially as men, our outward nervousness actually can come off as creepy. Granted some people are smart, wise, and experienced enough to not to call people names, especially in earshot, and some even can see what's going on and distinguish a guy with a nervous disposition from a real threat. But man, the behavior of the women in your office does sound very hurtful.
You say you have issues with your appearance and I don't know what you look like, so I don't know if they're real or perceived, but I can tell you for sure that just the way somebody FEELS as it manifests in their outward appearance can change the way they look drastically. A lot of what people think of as "looks" are actually facial expressions, body language, etc. Seriously, you could take two identical twins and one of them could look like you describe yourself and be thought creepy, while the other can be thought outgoing, popular, happy, fun, etc. I doubt you're doomed and if you work on feeling better and projecting that - well, that would help a lot. I would assume you've already sought and are on medication? If not, mild antidepressants can help out with anxiety and nervousness a great deal.
People of your mindset are part of the problem. You automatically assume that there's something wrong with being introverted. That's really what it boils down to. I pity you that you are incapable of seeing the wood for the trees.
Love this! I don't think you need to see a therapist or take drugs to deal with a toxic workplace. You would blossom in an environment that supported your personality. Look for a career change that will allow you to have less interaction with people. Not everyone has to strive to be a part of the group and blend in!
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