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Old 01-11-2014, 08:09 PM
 
Location: Elsewhere
88,150 posts, read 84,005,514 times
Reputation: 114456

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I went to a retirement party last night. I hadn't seen most of the people who were in attendance in four years or so.

One woman who I barely know came up to me and said, "I love your hair that length. It takes YEARS off of you." My immediate secret response was, "Die, b*tch."

I had a friend once who did this all the time. "You made such a beautiful bride. I couldn't believe it was you." Or another time, as I walked up her front steps and she saw me, "Oh! I didn't know it was you--you look so nice." Ditched that "friend" long ago, for various reasons.

Does anyone else here ever get these types of backhanded insults? What makes people think it's OK to say such things to others? Do they think we are really so stupid that we think they are being nice?
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Old 01-11-2014, 08:23 PM
 
Location: Southwestern, USA, now.
21,020 posts, read 19,233,056 times
Reputation: 23653
So your hair made you look great....younger...so what?
Gee, this is small potata's.
People are thoughtless and dumb...so what's new.
Just don't be like them. Her intentions were good...and in
the end she will probably burn in hell anyway.
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Old 01-11-2014, 08:28 PM
 
Location: Not where I want to be
4,829 posts, read 8,699,165 times
Reputation: 7758
I don't think the hair compliment was NOT a compliment. When people (over 25) have longer hair, it DOES make you look older. Cutting it shoulder length or shorter DOES take years off.

Now, the one about "oh I didn't know it was you -- you look so nice". RUDE

"You made such a beautiful bride. I couldn't believe it was you" RUDE

People are just rude. They think it's OK or think you're not smart enough to pick up on their dig at you.

I hate that. I hadn't seen my oldest sister in many years (and for good reason). I was at a party and they were having little contest things where you could win silly prizes. One was a polaroid photo. I won the photo, had it taken, and sent it to my sister. Her response? You got FAAAT!!!!!! Okay, I was dressed nice, my hair looked nice, I had a huge smile on my face. All she could see was that I gained weight since I last saw her 13 years prior. Like I said, there is a good reason I don't see her or talk to her or have anything to do with her. I sent that photo 21 years ago. I haven't spoken to or seen her since.

I (and YOU) don't need people like that in you life!
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Old 01-12-2014, 07:01 AM
 
4,761 posts, read 14,228,309 times
Reputation: 7956
Those are negative comments and can be more hurtful than an open attack or openly nasty comment. Those comments are especially bad because they are implying negative things about a person.

Anyway I have NO TIME to listen to people who say such things and they do not deserve my respect. I will walk away from them with their mouth in mid-sentence. They will stand there looking shocked that I would just walk away from them!
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Old 01-12-2014, 07:04 AM
 
Location: On the Chesapeake
45,015 posts, read 60,002,869 times
Reputation: 60565
Well, at least you're dressing well.

He doesn't smell bad for a fat kid.
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Old 01-12-2014, 08:43 AM
 
26,646 posts, read 13,613,699 times
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I think that sometimes people put their foot in their mouth without realizing it. I've said things before that I wished immediately I could take back because they came out the wrong way. Tone is everything, you can tell when people are being snide or are just not thinking.

I actually don't think the hair comment was rude. Older women (like myself) really do look younger with shorter hair. It takes years off. I would say that the person who said it did not mean anything by it.

The bride comment was rude. She couldn't believe it was you?. Huh? Who's wedding did she think she was attending? The "I did not recognize you comment" sounds like "foot in mouth" problem.
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Old 01-12-2014, 09:01 AM
 
13,513 posts, read 19,207,297 times
Reputation: 16578
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post

Do they think we are really so stupid that we think they are being nice?
Actually it's because THEY are so stupid that they actually think they're being nice.
Just let it go in one ear and out the other....
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Old 01-12-2014, 10:06 AM
 
Location: On the "Left Coast", somewhere in "the Land of Fruits & Nuts"
8,854 posts, read 10,413,969 times
Reputation: 6670
"That's fine, though in our country (town, company, family, whatever), we….fill-in-the-blank!"
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Old 01-12-2014, 10:57 AM
 
3,633 posts, read 6,144,538 times
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I'm 59 and cut my shoulder-length hair short last year, and talk about it taking years off your appearance - my neighbor saw it and the first thing she said was, "You look like a teenager!" I *really* don't want to look like a teenager at my age but I understood she was just try to pay me a compliment. I've blurted out a couple of doozies in my day, so I try not to get offended by statements that could actually not be intended to insult. Sometimes it's hard to tell, though.
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Old 01-12-2014, 11:06 AM
 
Location: Somewhere
8,070 posts, read 6,929,065 times
Reputation: 5654
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
I went to a retirement party last night. I hadn't seen most of the people who were in attendance in four years or so.

One woman who I barely know came up to me and said, "I love your hair that length. It takes YEARS off of you." My immediate secret response was, "Die, b*tch."

I had a friend once who did this all the time. "You made such a beautiful bride. I couldn't believe it was you." Or another time, as I walked up her front steps and she saw me, "Oh! I didn't know it was you--you look so nice." Ditched that "friend" long ago, for various reasons.

Does anyone else here ever get these types of backhanded insults? What makes people think it's OK to say such things to others? Do they think we are really so stupid that we think they are being nice?
I think these people can be divided in 3 groups:

The clueless: these are not snide remarks, these people say how they really feel about you without noticing it. This is their thought process "that haircut looks cute" I'm gonna compliment her because I think my opinion would make her happy. "Oh she's older, she will love to hear she looks younger" All women love to hear they look younger.

The Negative These people are incapable for saying something nice without pointing out a negative aspect. They don't compliment very often because they don't feel comfortable so they suck when they do it. They would say things like "You look great with that dress unlike those ugly clothes you like to wear"(translations: you look good now but you have poor taste). "You are so pretty but you can't see it because you have self esteem issues". (Translation you have a pretty body but your are a messed up person). These people are the most sincere of the three groups.

The Haters: These individuals just hate the world and will throw a compliment sandwich to please their own ego "Hahaha, She thinks I was being nice but I really told her she sucks". "I'm outsmarting her" These people hate you and don't like anything related to you, including that thing they are complimenting you on. They are usually lying and have ulterior motives.
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