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It's a long story, but I will try to make it as succinct as possible.
I am a professional, highly educated woman, 52 years old and divorced for five years. I was raised on the bottom rung of the middle class and we struggled. The souls of my parents were owned by their creditors and my grandparents.
I worked two jobs and went to grad school at night for many years to always remain financially independent, so that I would never have to depend on anyone for financial support.
In all my past relationships with men, they were all financially self-sufficient.
I am now in a relationship with a great man and we share a warm and caring rapport.
In spite of the advantages he has been given in life...he is struggling financially in middle age - because of his impulsive nature when it comes to his work/employment - he changes jobs or takes time off between jobs without regard for the long term effect on his financial status, for example.
He may never be able to retire. We are something like the ant vs. the grasshopper.
Since I am not dependent on him in any way, this hasn't been a problem for me - except when it comes to vacations and going out to ballgames or music events - if I want him to go with me, I pretty much have to pay for both of us, since he cannot afford it.
The only reason I am able to afford these things later in life is due to all the sacrifices I made in my life years ago...so I am beginning to feel uncomfortable about this.
I have gone on vacations with my friends - without him, but I feel that is not a good thing to let happen over the long term.
I have spent months examining my feelings about this...until coming across a statement here that summed it up for me "women want to be kept warm, safe and dry"..
I think somewhere in the back of my mind, my attraction to a man is due in part to how I perceive him - self-sufficient = strong - needing a woman to pay for tickets or vacations = weak.
We've been together for a year and a half...but my concern is that if we stay on this path and get more serious or committed over time.... I will increasingly see him as weak, although I despise myself for feeling this way.
I realize this is 2013 and I probably shouldn't feel this way, but I do. Is it any different from the man who loves big breasts? he knows he should love a woman for her deeper qualities, but he can't help what he is attracted to...or can he? can I?
I don't know what to say. I support my bf but that does not bother me. If that is something that bothers you then you might want to rethink the relationship.
This is my issue...and yes, I have discussed it with a counselor. She is not very helpful...just wondering if there are others here who have experience with similar or studied similar...thanks
I am a male, 60. I have heard that males are predisposed to always want a fertile woman, which often leads us to want younger women as we age. How old is your guy and is he above such things? Would you be ok with an older guy, (sorry, got a lady!) sometimes it's best to just go with the flow, other people/times feel much better about having overcome adversity. I dont see how anyone can advise you, since they don't have your feelings/background/guy.
=BellBottomBlues;31273646]It's a long story, but I will try to make it as succinct as possible.
I am a professional, highly educated woman, 52 years old and divorced for five years. I was raised on the bottom rung of the middle class and we struggled. The souls of my parents were owned by their creditors and my grandparents.
You do not sound educated. You sound scholared, if you understand what I mean. NO ONE can own a soul.
I worked two jobs and went to grad school at night for many years to always remain financially independent, so that I would never have to depend on anyone for financial support.
And you became an independent woman. One that somewhere deep inside feels, that she does not need a male in her life, she "made it".
In all my past relationships with men, they were all financially self-sufficient.
I am now in a relationship with a great man and we share a warm and caring rapport.
What you describing, is not a great man. You describing an immature male, that never matured emotionally, never wisened up, and stayed in his development somewhere at teenager mentality level.
In spite of the advantages he has been given in life...he is struggling financially in middle age - because of his impulsive nature when it comes to his work/employment - he changes jobs or takes time off between jobs without regard for the long term effect on his financial status, for example.
See above. Also, he is a typical product of this particular culture, that developed in him sense of entitlement and that a french made, or a Chinaman, or a Latino, or someone else will clean his fecis after him, while he, master of the world, is enjoying his life.
He may never be able to retire. We are something like the ant vs. the grasshopper.
And you call yourself well educated person? Making decisions to stay with a ******* like this?
Since I am not dependent on him in any way, this hasn't been a problem for me - except when it comes to vacations and going out to ballgames or music events - if I want him to go with me, I pretty much have to pay for both of us, since he cannot afford it.
The only reason I am able to afford these things later in life is due to all the sacrifices I made in my life years ago...so I am beginning to feel uncomfortable about this.
I have gone on vacations with my friends - without him, but I feel that is not a good thing to let happen over the long term.
You have any children? As for what it is, you appear to be like many females are - overwhelming maternal instinct, spilling onto all kinds of misfit males, like your boy toy. Can't even call him a man toy. Those are the type, that will "fall in love" with Mason.
I have spent months examining my feelings about this...until coming across a statement here that summed it up for me "women want to be kept warm, safe and dry"..
HE is going to keep you warm, safe, and dry? How mentally blind are you? Oh, yes, I forgot - YOU will be paying for YOUR warmth, safety, and dryness, right? Just because his sexual organs are outward, and yours are inward?
I think somewhere in the back of my mind, my attraction to a man is due in part to how I perceive him - self-sufficient = strong - needing a woman to pay for tickets or vacations = weak.
Look, you need grandchildren. To learn TRUE love and caring.Not an Alfonse.
We've been together for a year and a half...but my concern is that if we stay on this path and get more serious or committed over time.... I will increasingly see him as weak, although I despise myself for feeling this way.
Even a woman eventually starts seeing the obvious.Why you fearing this? Are you THAT lonely?That even a poor substitute is better than nothing?
I realize this is 2013 and I probably shouldn't feel this way, but I do. Is it any different from the man who loves big breasts? he knows he should love a woman for her deeper qualities, but he can't help what he is attracted to...or can he? can I?
Thoughts?
What the hell big breasts have to do with all this? Btw, how much overweight are you? As suddenly I saw one of the old Saturday night Live "Lowered Expectations" . Sorry to be bluntly honest, but you do sound like them. Gods almighty, I think, she seriously describes your man.
Would i right to suggest that you don't mind paying, its just that you feel he's sort of taking you (and it) for granted. I think another problem you are facing is that since you can afford to take care of him, he has less "incentive" to go out and work. You might be ok with him not working as long as there was tremendous effort to find employment...and there doesnt seem like this is the case.
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