My boyfriend has a weird fetish what do I do! (addiction, sociopath)
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I have so many options right now. But I want to be with him... I ****ing love him.. Everything was perfect about him. Until I found out he has a serious problem and serious issues that created it.
This problem can easily be made a joke and he can easily be made fun of for it and have deep insecurities about it. But to him it's not a problem it is the only thing that really makes him happy. It rooted from not only his parents but nobody in his family ever nurturing him when he was a baby and a young child. He was instead obviously abused or mistreated and ignored during his vital developmental stages which causes many extreme developmental problems. For example, his family started giving and ordering him to take meth around the age of ten. Holy **** right. That went on for years. Extreme and prolonged meth use leads 90% of users to become either schizophrenic, sociopathic, or have bipolar disorder. Imagine what kind of developmental problems that brought on especially after the childhood of neglect he was already having. He was obviously going to have some deep issues.
Since his parents never nurtured him as a child, he always deeply craved the feeling of feeling like a child since he was never given a childhood. It started at age four. He would find privacy, turn on the TV, wear a diaper and baby clothes and play with toys. It was the only thing that comforted him and made him feel like an actual nurtured and loved child. That was only the beginning. It continued and continued to be the only thing that nurtured him and made him feel at peace. I think you can see where I am going with this. Yes. It still continues. Not only does that continue, but once he developed sexually, he began to also have the fetish for his sexual partner to treat him like a baby while he is in full costume and plays the role. This is what I'm not sure I can do. Obviously a girl wants to pleasure her man but I've never been into making sex anything more than what it is. I also haven't mentally grasped the concept that my boyfriend that I have been living with for four months has this "hobby" I guess you could say. I don't know if I will ever be completely comfortable with it. I have been head over heels in love with him before I figured any of this out from seeing bizarre google searches on my laptop. I still am head over heels in love. He's ****ing perfect. Everything I've ever dreamed of. Yes I still do love him even after finding this all out. I can't just up and leave someone because I don't like the one thing that can comfort them and make them happy. Especially after he confided in me and told me absolutely everything weird or not. He put his trust in me. And for months he had been building up so much anxiety because he was scared that I would run off if he told me. It was putting a major strain on our relationship and I could never figure it out. It was an everyday battle and I almost couldn't handle it anymore. It gave me anxiety and depression. But there is no strain now. He's got it off his chest. Our relationship can be beautiful now. Except for the obvious elephant in the room I do not know how to tame. Yes I know it is extremely weird and can be off putting but there is no manual on how to deal with something this loony. I obviously don't know how to handle the situation at all. I still love him and want to help him but the problem is my comfortability with the situation. It's not up my ally at all (irony) and it makes me feel horrible because I want my boyfriend to be satisfied sexually and I don't know if ill ever be able to do that and I know that does not lead to a healthy relationship. I don't know how to explain this to him and I want him to be satisfied more than anything I just don't know what to do. Help!
I have so many options right now. But I want to be with him... I ****ing love him.. Everything was perfect about him. Until I found out he has a serious problem and serious issues that created it.
This problem can easily be made a joke and he can easily be made fun of for it and have deep insecurities about it. But to him it's not a problem it is the only thing that really makes him happy. It rooted from not only his parents but nobody in his family ever nurturing him when he was a baby and a young child. He was instead obviously abused or mistreated and ignored during his vital developmental stages which causes many extreme developmental problems. For example, his family started giving and ordering him to take meth around the age of ten. Holy **** right. That went on for years. Extreme and prolonged meth use leads 90% of users to become either schizophrenic, sociopathic, or have bipolar disorder. Imagine what kind of developmental problems that brought on especially after the childhood of neglect he was already having. He was obviously going to have some deep issues.
Since his parents never nurtured him as a child, he always deeply craved the feeling of feeling like a child since he was never given a childhood. It started at age four. He would find privacy, turn on the TV, wear a diaper and baby clothes and play with toys. It was the only thing that comforted him and made him feel like an actual nurtured and loved child. That was only the beginning. It continued and continued to be the only thing that nurtured him and made him feel at peace. I think you can see where I am going with this. Yes. It still continues. Not only does that continue, but once he developed sexually, he began to also have the fetish for his sexual partner to treat him like a baby while he is in full costume and plays the role. This is what I'm not sure I can do. Obviously a girl wants to pleasure her man but I've never been into making sex anything more than what it is. I also haven't mentally grasped the concept that my boyfriend that I have been living with for four months has this "hobby" I guess you could say. I don't know if I will ever be completely comfortable with it. I have been head over heels in love with him before I figured any of this out from seeing bizarre google searches on my laptop. I still am head over heels in love. He's ****ing perfect. Everything I've ever dreamed of. Yes I still do love him even after finding this all out. I can't just up and leave someone because I don't like the one thing that can comfort them and make them happy. Especially after he confided in me and told me absolutely everything weird or not. He put his trust in me. And for months he had been building up so much anxiety because he was scared that I would run off if he told me. It was putting a major strain on our relationship and I could never figure it out. It was an everyday battle and I almost couldn't handle it anymore. It gave me anxiety and depression. But there is no strain now. He's got it off his chest. Our relationship can be beautiful now. Except for the obvious elephant in the room I do not know how to tame. Yes I know it is extremely weird and can be off putting but there is no manual on how to deal with something this loony. I obviously don't know how to handle the situation at all. I still love him and want to help him but the problem is my comfortability with the situation. It's not up my ally at all (irony) and it makes me feel horrible because I want my boyfriend to be satisfied sexually and I don't know if ill ever be able to do that and I know that does not lead to a healthy relationship. I don't know how to explain this to him and I want him to be satisfied more than anything I just don't know what to do. Help!
You are the only person who can decide if you can tolerate this behavior or not.
Right, it is not going to change, especially as he doesn't see it as a problem. This is not as uncommon as you would think, I saw segments about others who share that fetish on DiscoveryHealth. One of the guys even built his own giant crib. Recently I went online to look for something sold for adults to chew on to help me quit smoking, and ended up instead finding lots and lots of fetish sites selling adult pacifiers, diapers, etc, so I guess there are quite a few people who share this. I do not blame you for not wanting to participate, it would turn me off big time as I want a man who wants to be a MAN, and I am so sorry you are going through this.
If you want to google it, the fetish is called 'adult baby'.
One thing to consider is how perfect he seems to be, despite his traumatic childhood. I can pretty well guarantee you that either the 'perfect' is an act, a very convincing one, or the childhood is a lie.
Either the perfect facade will crack, and you will find out that he has other huge issues, much more problematic than the adult baby stuff, or he has made up the story about his childhood in order to get you to accept the fetish and the meth use.
Personally, I would not continue with this guy. But if you want to do so, just be aware that there are going to be more big revelations in the future; this is not the end. And he is saving the worst for last.
What I think is most likely here is that he is bipolar, and has made up the childhood story as an explanation for his fetish, and to prep you for the bipolar revelation sometime down the road. Meth addiction may or may not be an issue as well.
I'd bet he is in a hypomanic phase, which would explain why he seems so perfect. People in that phase will often answer honestly if you ask them if they're bipolar. They might hedge, saying, 'some people call me that' or the like, but take that as a yes. (Take any dodging of the question as a yes, and tell him you are doing so. That might help him to be honest, too.)
He might use meth as self-medication, or he might not use it at all and just pretend he does to explain his manic episodes.
Anyway, this is all conjecture, but I think it's a reasonable possibility.
To the OP: just let him know, this isn't flying anymore. This is a deal-breaker for me. Who said you're committed? Who said until death do you part? This is a chance he took - such is the way of intimacy. You can't re-write his sexual script and even though he showed this to you with hopes, YOU can't re-write your sexual script. Just explain it like that and walk away.
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