Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Here might be a place to start on your journey. The article states that: A study in 2004 placed the prevalence of asexuality at 1%.[7][10] You can see that this statistic is footnoted. I think you might find some good source material in the article. But the low percentage of asexuals in the population tells you that there aren't that many who id themseves that way.
I do not dispute your feelings about yourself. But I do wonder if you've sorted out how you feel with a professional? As always, I feel that we need to know how to think about things, more than we need a pat solution presented to us. Right now you feel frustrated about yourself and your position in society. So I am suggesting that if you haven't done this already, you find a sympathetic professional to assist you as you explore how you want to interact with the world.
Do please know that most of us experience alienation and a sense of loss about ourselves. So your feelings are not unique. I do understand that your understanding of yourself is unique. Please find someone to talk with you about these issues. Please take care of yourself.
I don't think I need help regarding the asexuality thing. I'm actually content being this way. A sex drive would simply be problematic. I have talked to many professionals. There's really no solution because the big obstacle (pun intended) is my height. Many people (male) would kill to be tall, but being tall has caused nothing but an adulthood of misery in ways that few people could ever even begin to understand. No amount of therapy or pills will ever help. Trust me on that and perhaps give it some thought next time you comment on someone's height.
Funnily enough my height has been the one sole thing to prevent me going further. Being tall is one hell of a curse. I can't say I haven't had many dark thoughts because of it. I would rather be short and obese, as at least you can lose weight.
I discovered in a later post that you are a woman, which makes a different with respect to the issue you described.
Then later, you said you were asexual. So, then, why does your height matter, if you don't care if it detracts from your appeal to men?
Question: Did you choose to become asexual because sexuallly-loaded socializatin was causing you too much distress because of your height? If you were short and obese, would you become sexual, and lose weight in order to enhance your sexual prospects? I don't mean to pry, but some of your comments seem self-contradictory.
It seems to me that there are men who are not put off by taller women, and to the woman's advantage, she doesn't have to sort them out -- they are self-sorting, and present themselves to her already identified. I've never had any problem dating women who were taller than me, and my mother was taller than my dad.
I discovered in a later post that you are a woman, which makes a different with respect to the issue you described.
Then later, you said you were asexual. So, then, why does your height matter, if you don't care if it detracts from your appeal to men?
Question: Did you choose to become asexual because sexuallly-loaded socializatin was causing you too much distress because of your height? If you were short and obese, would you become sexual, and lose weight in order to enhance your sexual prospects? I don't mean to pry, but some of your comments seem self-contradictory.
It seems to me that there are men who are not put off by taller women, and to the woman's advantage, she doesn't have to sort them out -- they are self-sorting, and present themselves to her already identified. I've never had any problem dating women who were taller than me, and my mother was taller than my dad.
I was born (biologically) male. I've always been at odds with that, but my outward appearance has crushed any thoughts of actually being myself, my height being one of those major obstacles. I accepted long ago that I can never be happy. How long I can go on existing like this is anyone's guess. I try not to think about things, so I probably shouldn't ramble on too much about it. I can't do much about my appearance, which isn't about attracting others, rather being myself and feeling like myself.
Asexuality. I don't have a sex drive, so I don't know who or what I should be attracted to. I do often think that if my mind and body were in sync with one another, it would more than likely be men. Sex aside, I've had female partners, but we've always been more like roommates or good friends and they could never satisfy my emotional needs, in turn I couldn't satisfy their sexual or emotional needs.
Having no libido isn't so bad. It makes being alone far less painful.
I was born (biologically) male. I've always been at odds with that, but my outward appearance has crushed any thoughts of actually being myself, my height being one of those major obstacles.
You say you are really tall, just curious and I apologize if you have already said this, but how tall are you?
From reading your posts, you remind me of a guy I was friends with years ago, he was really tall and slouched over. He had a really deep and loud raspy voice. People would call him goofy or start in with him because of the way he walked and presented himself. He never had many relationships that I was aware of, and was always alone for the most part. He was very opinionated and that put people off. Heck, you might be him...but anyway, we lost contact years ago due to geography, but your posts remind me of him.
Do you mean you want to physically alter your body or do you mean you want to be in an environment that doesn't acknowledge gender at all (or both)? I'm no professional but it sounds to me that all of these things are connected.
For example, you say you're happy being asexual and having no sex drive but is it that you're happy that way or is it that you think it's easier that way given your gender identity issues? The latter would kind of make it something you need "help" with. And accepting that you'll "never be happy" without attaching a specific also indicates someone who would benefit from more counseling.
Not saying you'll wake up one day happy as a lark, just that it seems there are a few issues going on here and your gender concerns might just be the starting point or a symptom of deeper problems that aren't being properly addressed because they're being overshadowed.
....................Being tall is one hell of a curse. ..............
Being tall in not a curse to either male or female. It is a asset to males and the most highly paid fashion models, considered the most beautiful women of all, are very tall.
Although I have to confess that I don't know how being tall affects the third gender that you would prefer to be. Being tall doesn't seem to have hurt RuPaul. Does that count?
So maybe your issue isn't your gender. Maybe your issue is that you need to find out why it bothers you to be tall.
Being tall in not a curse to either male or female. It is a asset to males and the most highly paid fashion models, considered the most beautiful women of all, are very tall.
Although I have to confess that I don't know how being tall affects the third gender that you would prefer to be. Being tall doesn't seem to have hurt RuPaul. Does that count?
So maybe your issue isn't your gender. Maybe your issue is that you need to find out why it bothers you to be tall.
I am 6'5. Trust me, it plays on my mind daily, towering over everyone and feeling like some sort of freak on stilts (because my legs are disproportionately long compared to my torso).
My issue is very much my gender though. Being tall has basically prevented me from trying to fix that. I have mulled over it many times and there's no fixing this. No amount of talking about it, therapy or pills will make any difference. I loathe my body, my appearance in general. There is absolutely no chance of me being content this way, never mind happy. My confidence is shot anyway from years of bullying and personal failure. I'm only here because I am too much of a coward to commit suicide, so I do my best to exist in my own world, in my own hole and away from people.
Do you mean you want to physically alter your body or do you mean you want to be in an environment that doesn't acknowledge gender at all (or both)? I'm no professional but it sounds to me that all of these things are connected.
For example, you say you're happy being asexual and having no sex drive but is it that you're happy that way or is it that you think it's easier that way given your gender identity issues? The latter would kind of make it something you need "help" with. And accepting that you'll "never be happy" without attaching a specific also indicates someone who would benefit from more counseling.
Not saying you'll wake up one day happy as a lark, just that it seems there are a few issues going on here and your gender concerns might just be the starting point or a symptom of deeper problems that aren't being properly addressed because they're being overshadowed.
Re your first paragraph: yes, I would have wanted that had circumstances been different. But I accepted long ago I can never be female, but not wanting to be male either means that I do not belong in either gender bracket. Gender dysphoria is the root cause of virtually all of my issues. I don't need a therapist or anyone else to tell me something I've known since I was little. As previously mentioned, counseling doesn't work in cases like mine. There is no cure and nothing can relieve it. Even discussing it on here is painful and embarrassing. As with my other posts, I just wanted to find people on a normal forum that might be able to relate.
It is absolutely possible to feel inside that you do not truly fit the criteria of either the male or female gender, to be neither one, or a combination of both. Communities of gender neutral people do exist, but I would say that, for the most part, they're going to be closely linked with communities of transgender people. In fact, your own town or a nearby city may have a LGBT community center, who can probably point you towards others whom you may have a lot in common with. There are other ways to meet people, as well. Some of my favorite people in the world are trans and gender neutral, and most of them met through, believe it or not, an online MMORPG. Nowadays, they're all friends in real life, too.
There are several options available to you as to how you go about starting a life as who you truly are:
1. You can change on the surface and adopt clothing, shoes, hairstyle, makeup/lack thereof etc. that more closely match your gender identity and live as that gender identity as best you can. Adopt a different name, one more appropriate to your gender or lack thereof. Interact with others and be seen as the newly revealed identity. Most of my friends tell me that this is the hardest, scariest step. If it's too hard at first, you could always try it for a day or an evening, and in a different town until you feel braver. The fact that you've revealed yourself on this forum suggests to me that you're already pretty brave, though.
2. Taking it a step further would be hormone therapy. Generally, you have to go to a psychologist/psychiatrist who specializes in gender dysphoria for a period of time and get their permission to go to an endocrinologist and begin hormone therapy. A psychologist/psychiatrist will generally require you to do #1 above for some time. A few insurances cover costs related to this type of therapy and medication, but most do not; state programs vary. However, some of the prescriptions are pretty cheap. I know one transwoman who gets several of her needed prescriptions at Wal-Mart for like 9 dollars a month apiece. As a gender-neutral person, you could opt to take a testosterone blocker but not estrogen; transwomen need both. The doctor would know for sure.
3. Your final step would be surgery. Most of these would be the ones most commonly brought to mind, but there are other ones as well. Surgeries to reduce the appearance of the Adam's apple and even reduce the size of the teeth are all ones that I've seen transwomen undergo. As a gender neutral person, you might have an orchidectomy but nothing more.
It just depends on how far you decide to go. The entire transition often takes years.
Anyhow, I don't know if you're already aware of all of this and apologize if you do. But I do know for sure that:
1. You are not alone, and
2. It is possible to be who you are.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
