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I've never understood why people are so uptight about this question! Some of the posters here are saying basically "they want to judge my whole life based on the way I earn money!" OK so should they judge you based on your clothes, your accent, etc.? Likely people who ask "what do you do for a living?" are people you may never see again, or only see once in a while--they're probably not going to become your best friends and get the time to know all the sides of your character and personality. They want a quick, straight-forward way to get to know you for the few moments in which they will spend time with you in the future.
I have a low-level retail position and if someone asks what I do, I tell him/her. My job, my company and retail in general get looked down upon over and over, so perhaps some think I have a good reason to lie or deflect, but I don't do that. It is how I earn my money to live the life I have (which is not spectacular but far better than what I had three or four years ago), so why should I be ashamed? Yes, people ask silly questions when they find out where I work--"why don't you sell X product anymore?" or "why are so many cashiers rude?"--so what? I don't think any reasonably intelligent person is naïve enough to believe my job defines me completely. If someone does believe as such, he/she will be in for a surprise.
As for how to answer that question, you don't have to get as specific as your title, your duties, your location, etc. I agree with those who said just name a general industry, like healthcare, hospitality, education, etc. THEN ask that person what he/she does for a living, and let that person prattle on about his/her job. If you hate or are ashamed of your job and don't want to go into detail, just say something like you've had a stressful week and the last thing you want to think about is work.
Edit: reading more posts here I see that some think discussing politics, philosophy, or current events are more appropriate than occupation. I love these topics and would answer such questions without a second thought, but I can't assume the person I've just met today thinks the same way. People get highly emotional over stuff like that; they could shout, curse, or cry while discussing their thoughts, which would make me and others nearby very uncomfortable. And I don't want to step off on the wrong foot with the person just because he/she doesn't agree with my opinion.
Last edited by Tintlelli; 09-17-2013 at 09:44 AM..
Reason: more
Edit: reading more posts here I see that some think discussing politics, philosophy, or current events are more appropriate than occupation. I love these topics and would answer such questions without a second thought, but I can't assume the person I've just met today thinks the same way. People get highly emotional over stuff like that; they could shout, curse, or cry while discussing their thoughts, which would make me and others nearby very uncomfortable. And I don't want to step off on the wrong foot with the person just because he/she doesn't agree with my opinion.
I just imagine being introduced to someone at a friend's football party, say, and starting off with "so, Dave, how do feel about Syria?" or "Do you think Jonathan Franzen is overrated?" Asking what you do and where you're from is just an icebreaker, not a judgement.
I always get asked and ask people what they do bec. it is usually a start of a conversation and leads to more to talk about. Also, if people ask you about your job, it gives you the opportunity to shine because you talk about something you are familiar and knowledgeable about.
I just imagine being introduced to someone at a friend's football party, say, and starting off with "so, Dave, how do feel about Syria?" or "Do you think Jonathan Franzen is overrated?" Asking what you do and where you're from is just an icebreaker, not a judgement.
I absolutely agree! I'm never bothered when people ask about my job, but since I hate my job and don't really want to talk about it (nobody wants to talk about it, it's boring as watching paint dry), my standard answer is: "I'm a cubicle drone. I type for a living. It's exactly as glamorous and exciting as it sounds." Usually gets a laugh, and the subject is closed.
My husband and I have both learned it's not a pleasant experience to tell people what we do for a living. He is a computer programmer. People either launch into a million questions about how to fix their computer or they start "educating" him about computers. I am a dog trainer. When I tell people that, they either launch into a million questions about how to fix their dog, their friend's dog, their coworkers dog, or they start "educating" me about dogs (spouting off the most ridiculous, nonsensical, outdated misconceptions about the species).
Oh, c'mon lady! I've been a computer programmer for more than a quarter of a century, and nobody has ever pestered me about my profession as you claim they pester your husband. It must be that all the rednecks and hillbillies out here in God's Country already know all there is about computers -- or they simply have better manners than the people you associate with.
I see a common theme here - the people that think it's rude, inappropriate, or whatever, seem to be much more concerned with how other people view them. Or put another way, if they don't feel that they can impress that stranger, then it's an inappropriate question to be asked.
I would further postulate that this also involves the old "takes one to know one" saying, in that those that feel others judge them based on their occupation (and this almost always involves these people assuming they're being judged negatively), are also prone to judge others on simple attributes as well - such as the poster that equated people who would dare ask this question to be boring people.
But it's OK that they wouldn't like to be around such "boring" people, as in my experience, these are rather haughty and snobbish people that us boring people wouldn't want to associate with either, lol.
I always get asked and ask people what they do bec. it is usually a start of a conversation and leads to more to talk about. Also, if people ask you about your job, it gives you the opportunity to shine because you talk about something you are familiar and knowledgeable about.
I don't get what the big deal is.
What happened to the OP? Disappeared?
I don't see it as a big deal, either. If somebody wants to discuss ORACLE databases at a football party, I'm game as long as it's before the kickoff and the teams involved aren't the Bills or the Seahawks.
I like to think. If you could take a snapshot of my mind most days you'd see anything from designing a rushing water extraction device to contemplating the universe/distance/time to mentally planning and checklisting how I'd extract my loved ones from my house in case of a flood or other catastrophe to any number of passing thoughts that I categorize and build on for later. I'm sure most people do the same.
I like to think! I like people who say things that make me think!
Meeting people and being asked the same inane questions, however, is infuriating. That's why I'd rather not spend my time in answering or dealing with people who I view as wastes of time when they're talking about jobs, weather, sports teams, 'working hard or hardly working' hurr hurr durr derp derp.
I see a common theme here - the people that think it's rude, inappropriate, or whatever, seem to be much more concerned with how other people view them. Or put another way, if they don't feel that they can impress that stranger, then it's an inappropriate question to be asked.
I would further postulate that this also involves the old "takes one to know one" saying, in that those that feel others judge them based on their occupation (and this almost always involves these people assuming they're being judged negatively), are also prone to judge others on simple attributes as well - such as the poster that equated people who would dare ask this question to be boring people.
But it's OK that they wouldn't like to be around such "boring" people, as in my experience, these are rather haughty and snobbish people that us boring people wouldn't want to associate with either, lol.
I'm seeing common themes as well. One theme, people who regard everything in extremes as if common ground doesn't exist. "If you can't ask something simple like what do you do, the only other option is to ask something philosophically profound, highly controversial, or grossly intrusive!"
No. There are infinite options that just happen to not be that question. Scenario. I'm at a gathering, hanging out near the snack table, knocking back some punch, nodding to some music. Person A walks up to me:
-Hey. I'm A.
-Hey, I'm Cyber!
-Nice to meet you. *pause* So. Music's pretty good.
-Yeah. Punch is good too, actually.
-Tell me about it. I'm on my fifth cup. Maybe they spiked it. *laughing*
-*laughing* Well, we'll know if we start swinging from the lights or something.
That to me is a perfectly acceptable introduction. Nothing profound or political, no delving into psyche, just two strangers having a warm and friendly exchange and yet somehow the question of what we do wasn't in it. It might not ever come up until it's relevant. What do I mean by relevant?
-This is really a great party.
-Yeah. Can't stay too late, though. I have to get up early for work.
-Oh, what do you do?
Boom. Perfectly good time to throw that in.
-Hey. I'm B.
-Hey, I'm Cyber!
-Nice to meet you. *pause* So. What do you do?
To me, that's trite. I wouldn't be rude and I wouldn't avoid the question because my objection isn't to answering it. I just wouldn't be as into the conversation with them if that's the kind of thing they lead with. All the things happening that they could take advantage of as an opener and they fall back on that? Something they likely rattle off in every situation?
Why? Because their conversational skills aren't that dynamic? Because what someone does is their go-to method of gauging what kind of person someone is and how to move forward with them? I'm open to all the other reasons why this is the first thing out of someone's mouth if people want to throw some out there (outside of the one I already mentioned - being in a networking environment where what you do is expressly relevant).
Recognizing that sizing people up has been proven time and again to be the origin of the underlying motivation for that question whether people are conscious of it or not doesn't necessarily mean you use the same measure or that you care what they think of you. It might just mean you're one of those people who pays attention to the reasons that people say and do things - and I would guess there are a lot of people like that in a psychology forum.
Maybe the ones concerned with how others view them and whether or not what they have to say will impress are the ones who insult people for thinking something is boring just because it's something they regularly say.
Another theme, thinking that people who find it boring must be snobs. Why? Because preferring certain conversations to other ones is elitist? People have a right to find things dull or exciting. What if I said that women put off by a guy because he walked up to them and said, "I lost my number, can I have yours?" are uptight and frigid just because I'd laugh at that? Maybe we just enjoy different things.
Suggesting that someone who'd rather be approached right out of the gate with something less predictable and banal than what do you do - especially when asked ten million times - is probably "haughty and snobbish" is like suggesting that someone is Stuffy McSnore because they use words like "postulate". It doesn't mean anything.
But, just like it's true in your experience that people who yawn at that question are usually uppity folk others wouldn't want to be around anyway, in my experience, people who lead with dull and insipid ice breakers usually follow with more of the same and the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. In this case, the person is the tree and the apple is what comes out of his or her mouth.
P.S. Boring is relative. Just because I find someone/something boring doesn't mean someone else will so what does it matter?
I just tell them I'm in the witness protection program.
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