8.5 - 10.5 years old: Crucial formational years? (therapy, mom, abusive, parent)

[BornJuju]

So - I have a question. I'm not exactly a parent - I'm a brother. I'm 22, and my little sister is 8. We received full custody of her when she was around 3 years old. Those first three years really damaged her - she was in an abusive home and witnessed a lot. She has been in therapy since we've had her. She's doing well! A relatively normal 8 year old girl. She's in the third grade - talking about boys in the fifth grade! Ugh!

She does pick at her arms, and has scabs all over them. She has some behavioral issues, usually with anger such as screaming, or saying mean thing - sometimes to teachers. Mom said she's struggling in school a little more since the start of third grade.

I've been a terrible brother, really. Big age difference, going through changes myself. And for the past two years especially, Moderator Cut I couldn't see a thing! These past three months I've started to really change my life - finish up massage therapy school this week, meditation, yoga practices, my diet, and many other things! I've been a good brother - or tried, anyways. I spend time with her and take her to parks and dance with her and stuff. We are gonna make a gratitude jar this weekend. Mom says she thinks I hung the moon!

Additionally, to be honest, home life is brutal for her. I'm downstairs, but the whole family is upstairs. Mom is disabled, and her relationship with my stepdad isn't great. Lots of yelling and abusive language and just general sadness and negativity. So I've tried to be there for my sister, be someone who is "on her side" and can have fun with her while also being a positive male influence in her life.

I can get a lot of financial schooling aid that I won't be able to get if I put furthering my education off. It would mean that when my sister is 8 1/2 years old, in a few months, I'd move from TN to AZ. Become a life coach, yoga therapist, holistic nutrition specialist, learn thai massage, and lots of other cool things. I wouldn't be back except holidays until she was 10 1/2.

So I suppose my core question is this: Between 8.5 and 10.5 years old, will I be missing out on too much crucial development? Are those very solid formational years? I want to teach her healthy eating and meditation and be a good and positive influence. Plus I want to help heal my crippled mom. The two years of schooling would have me come home with much much more to offer both my sister and my mom, as well as others. It would be valuable knowledge.

But I don't want to miss out any crucial time with my little sister. And I don't know much of children, or child development, etc.

So... advice, maybe? I appreciate it!

[Mattie]

You sound like a terrific brother, and I have to commend you for your concern.

Between the ages of 8.5 and 10, your sister will still be in elementary school. Things don't tend to become major drama at that age, unlike middle school. I would encourage you to go, and set yourself up with a future that can be beneficial to both you and your sister.

She will probably be upset by your leaving, but regular phone calls, skype sessions, email etc can all assure her you haven't forgotten about her.

If there is any way you could let your mother know that you've noticed all the yelling and negativity is having a detrimental effect on the household, you should speak up.

best of luck.

[KathrynAragon]

Wow, you sound like a great brother.

Like the poster above, I think you should go and get your own life on track. You will be better able to help the people you love from that position. Yes, your little sister will be sad, but there are many ways you can continue to let her know how much you love her.

She's going to really need you in her life as she enters her teen years. I wish both of you joy and happiness.

[ukrkoz]

Good intentions are very commendable.
You also will accomplish nothing, unless you change yourself first.
This is YOUR unique opportunity to help yourself, via helping other.
Stay strong.
Now, to your original question.
Unlike widely spread belief, child does not come into world fully formed. Its true Self is not present in the body, until after roughly age 5-6. In some cases, it may be close to what you mention.
Crucial point, when that Self contacts the body, is when a child asks someone a question - who am I? What am I? Proper answer should be given at that moment.
Four atmospheres enter the physical body, starting with the physical one. The first one to enter is physical atmosphere; the 2nd one is psychic; that happens at around teenage times, often causing havoc of indulgence in physical pleasures and satisfaction of senses; mental atmosphere enters roughly mid-30s; this is usually referred to as "wisening", becoming an adult; last one, the noetic atmosphere, enters towards mid to late 40s. It is commonly viewed as mid life crisis, when notion of wasted past and uncertainty in spiritual future, enters the person.
Until mental atmosphere settles in a human, you are, for the lack of better comparison, dealing with an "animalistic" being. With something that is more of senses and of physical, than it is of mental. You also need to keep in mind, that for a female, puberty will result in major behavioral change.
Is the age you describe the most crucial one? No, it is not. Does it require major dedication, guidance, and even control? Yes, it does, as in most of the cases, human being at that age is uncapable of guiding itself in manner proper.
Be well.